


Rephrase

by StripedSunhat



Series: Waking Words [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Needs a Hug, Angst, Batfamily Drama, Batfamily Feels, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Damian Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Emilie Agreste Needs an Explanation, F/M, Gabriel Agreste Needs a Fist to the Face, Humor, Just Add Ninjas, Lovestruck Damian Wayne, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Morally Ambiguous Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Notfic, Rooftop Meetings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripedSunhat/pseuds/StripedSunhat
Summary: A series of aus and what-ifs spinning off fromEvery Morning as I Wake.  Can diverge anywhere from partway through the epilogue to as early as down to the basic worldbuilding.  Anything goes and nothing is protected.Format-wise they can be anything from fully-formed one-shots to mini OutlinePlustmoverviews to contextless snippets meant to drive you all insane.  Primary focus will be humor except when it's not.Like I said, anything goes.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Damian Wayne
Series: Waking Words [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946038
Comments: 264
Kudos: 261





	1. Tethered

**Author's Note:**

> Right! This is a horrible idea!  
> I'm gonna do it anyway!!
> 
> Chapter 1: Dick and Cass deal with being the oldest siblings, Damian's got secrets, Constantine makes a. guest appearance and there may or may not be a human sacrifice planned. Jury's still out

When Dick was a little kid he’d wanted younger siblings. Of course that was before his parents died. Back when his thoughts about little siblings was a friend to run around with who he could teach how to do a triple flip and the best way to sneak into all the tents and how to convince mom and dad to let them stay up past bed time. But even once Bruce took in Jason and Dick got his first taste of what being an older brother was _actually_ like rather than an only child’s daydreams he didn’t think he’d have to worry about whether his brother would try to kill everyone else.

He’s done both by this point. His triple flip has changed, ending with firing a grappling hook rather than grabbing a hand but he’s made sure to pass it on. And there are no tents to sneak in and out of but there is the Batcave and Alfred’s pantry and Bruce’s study. And maybe there’s never been such a thing as a bedtime in Wayne Manor but there are limits to patrols which Dick has been wheedling his way out of since he was nine. He’s also planted himself between one brother and the other, terrified someone was going to end up dead. He’s fought back against his brothers and he’s made the first move, not willing to risk what might happen if he didn’t. He’s brooded over fears most people never even have to think about. He’s spent sleepless nights grappling over the choice between killing one brother or letting the other die, praying he’d never have to make it but at the same time _knowing_ he couldn’t afford not having an answer ready.

He’s an older brother to five siblings now. He’s taught them and played and laughed with them. And he’s worried over whether his family will quite literally kill each other.

But for the most part that’s been the exception not the rule. There’ve been dark spots but they don’t define his family in his head. He doesn’t look at Tim or Steph or Cass or even Jason and worry about them turning on their family.

But there hasn’t been a single day he’s looked at Damian and a little voice in the back of his head hasn’t whispered _he might._

He was a horrible big brother.

Damian was possibly the most loyal person Dick’s ever met. And not the blind obedience of the League of Assassins like Ra’s though it was. Damian wasn’t some mindless, soulless weapon. Damian’s loyalty was practically a physical, living thing. If he gave you his loyalty, his _true_ loyalty, he didn’t just fight, he gave his entire heart. It was bright and fierce and all-encompassing and as far as Dick could tell completely unmovable. Dick would catch glimpses of it, on patrol, in a fight, but also in smaller, quiet moments at home. The way Damian’s entire world was built around those unseen pillars of loyalty and the way he’d do anything to protect them.

Which was why Damian didn’t make any _sense._

Their family has Damian’s loyalty. **_Bruce_** has Damian’s true loyalty. Dick was absolutely, instinctively, unshakably sure of it.

But.

He was also instinctively, unshakably sure that if Ra’s demanded Damian leave them, spy on them, attack them, _betray_ them, he would. He would do so and he would not look back.

The only thing Dick wasn’t sure about was whether Damian would actually murder them in cold blood. And even then the best he can offer is uncertainty. He couldn’t say Damian would kill them. But every time he looked at him the little voice in the back of his head whispered _he might._

_ He’s dangerous. He will not back down. He will not hold back. He will throw everything he has, everything he is, against you. He will not be able to be reasoned with. _

_ You will have to make a choice. You will have to have an answer ready. _

It makes no **sense.** Any loyalty Damian has toward Ra’s is nothing more than blood and empty words, left behind from years of indoctrination. Damian didn’t have a single drop of true loyalty for his grandfather, and even less for the League.

And yet. If it comes down to it, if it’s a choice between them and Ra’s, when it reaches the breaking point Damian will not side with them.

Which is why he’s not happy about Damian being with them for this impromptu raid.

Cass had been away finishing up a case when she’d sent a message asking for backup. Which is what led to him, Bruce and Damian here. Staring at the temple full of members of the League of Assassins, Dick really wished he’d pushed harder to leave Damian behind.

Cass motioned toward the League members. “Defensive patterns. They’re guarding something.”

Bruce surveyed the compound. “An unprovoked attack on the League could result in consequences that would be better to avoid.” Dick didn’t miss the barely perceptible glance he gave toward Damian. So he wasn’t the only one worried about what Damian might do if pushed.

Cass shook her head. “We have to.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything, waiting for Cass to explain.

Dick didn’t wait. “Are you sure about this?” If Dick caught Damian’s split loyalty Cass had to have caught it too. Why was she willing to trust him with this? Dick didn’t.

He was a _horrible_ big brother.

Beside him Damian stiffened. His hand went to his sword, practically vibrating tension. “If we break in to retrieve it they’ll know. Even if we manage to get in and out undetected Grandfather will discover the absence eventually.”

Cass shook her head again. “They’re moving. The pattern’s been shifting.”

“They’re getting ready to leave.” And take whatever it was they were guarding with them.

Dick bit back a curse. If they’re getting ready to move whatever it is, then there’s a large chance there’s some sort of plan in the works about ready to be enacted. He really, _really_ wished they’d left Damian behind.

“We have to,” Cass repeated, firmer. She stepped around them until he and Damian couldn’t see her hands and signed something to Bruce. 

Bruce’s eyes narrowed. “Nightwing. Call the others. I want all hands on deck for this. Robin–”

“I’m not staying behind.”

Cass caught his eye, silently shaking her head. She inclined her head toward the ridge the plane was hidden past. Cassandra _wanted_ Damian to be a part of this? Reluctantly, he went to call the others, leaving Damian and Bruce to fight it out. He’d trust Cass’s judgement for now.

It would take around four hours for the others to arrive. That left plenty of time for Damian to dig in and argue his point. At length. With visual help from his sword.

Three and a half hours later a jet touched down in the clearing on the other side of the temple. It wasn’t theirs.

They’d missed their window.

The cockpit opened revealing Ra’s al Ghul himself. Beside him Damian went perfectly still. Dick bit back another, even stronger curse. “Damian go back to the plane.”

“No,” Cass hissed. “We have to–” Damian broke ranks, darting towards the temple’s far wall.

 _“Fuck.”_ Dick hurtled after him, ignoring the way Bruce and Cass both try to stop him. He’s Damian’s big brother; he can’t let him go alone. “I’ll get him back.” He prayed he wasn’t lying.

Damian had already scaled the wall by the time Dick reached it. He vaulted over the wall, dropping down on the other side, scanning for any sign of his brother. The edge of his cape was disappearing around a corner. Dick gave chase.

Whatever Damian was thinking he seemed to know exactly where he was going. He’d been raised by the League; he’d navigated compounds like this one his entire life. Alarms started blaring and Dick had pulled out his escrima sticks and dropped into a fighting stance before he realized none of the ninjas have seen him. It looked like the others have been spotted.

And now he’d lost Damian.

Taking a moment to study the layout of what he can see he made his best guess and took off. It ended up paying off as he caught sight of Damian slipping into one of the buildings a few minutes later. He put on a burst of speed, certain he’d never be able to pull off the same trick once inside. Damian wove through the hallways, deeper and deeper into the building, stopping only to pick open locked doors or avoid the small handful of guards – which, if their goal really was whatever’s being guarded shouldn’t there be more? Especially now that they know there are intruders? Dick pushed the sinking dread that came with that thought aside.

Eventually Damian came to a stop in front of a heavily reinforced single door. But rather than try to break through it like he had with the others he placed a palm on the door, leaning his forehead against it and closing his eyes.

After a moment he stepped back. He started fiddling with something on the edge of the doorframe. The edge of something came free and after a second Dick realized it’s a screen of some type. Damian was trying to hide the door from view.

This had gone on long enough.

“Damian.”

Damian spun around, pulling out his katana and raising it to strike as he went.

_ He’s dangerous. He will not back down. _

“Grayson.” Damian didn’t lower his sword. If anything he shifted so he was holding it more securely. “We have to leave. Now.”

“Damian. What is behind that door.”

“Nothing. I know what you’re thinking and this is not a piece of any plan. We have to leave h–” his words caught, tripping over something he wasn’t willing to say. “We cannot take it with us.”

Dick shifted, hyperaware of the escrima sticks in his hands. “Cass seemed pretty sure of the opposite.”

“Cain was wrong. Just turn and leave.”

There was a crash and the sound of an explosion. The entire hallway shook. Damian stumbled, sliding sideways to keep his balance. Dick didn’t try to stay upright. Instead he used Damian’s distraction to throw his own explosive at the door. He landed hard, one of his sticks skittering away and Damian’s sword hovering above his throat.

But he hit his target.

The door was too reinforced to crumple completely but it did give way just enough. Damian turned, eyes wide in horror. Dick lashed out with his remaining escrima stick. The sword jerked, drawing a line of blood across his neck. Dick rolled out of the way to avoid getting cut any deeper, reaching up and grabbing the hilt and yanking it out of Damian’s grip. Stumbling to his feet he forced the door open.

The room was small, empty save for a single low, wide pedestal in the middle. On the pedestal was…

…Was a girl.

Dick froze. 

It was a girl no more than ten or eleven, wearing a plain robe, eyes closed and dark hair fanned out around her head.

It wasn’t an _object_ they’re keeping here, it was a _**person.**_

Something smashed into his temple. Pain exploded behind his eyes and the world went white. He staggered, blinking back starbursts. A hand wrapped around the one holding Damian’s sword and twisted, forcing him to drop it. His assailant didn’t stop there, continuing to twist his arm back until it threatened to break. A blade pressed itself against his throat. A second line of blood drew itself across his throat, this time not by accident.

“Damian. Think about what you’re doing.”

“She stays here.”

“She’s a kid Damian.” She couldn’t be more than eleven. The same age as Damian. “We can’t leave her with the League of Assassins. We can keep her safe. She isn’t if she stays here.”

Damian’s sword didn’t move. Neither did it cut any deeper. Dick didn’t move either. He didn’t try to get free of Damian’s hold, afraid if he did whatever gossamer truce was currently suspended between them would break. He swallowed, truly realizing he has no clue what was going on in his little brother’s head. One wrong step and he might lose Damian forever. It was possible he already has.

Finally, Damian spoke. “It’s not as simple as you seem to think. You know nothing about what you’re talking about.”

_“Then explain it to me.”_

Everything hung suspended.

The blade disappeared from his throat. Dick heaved a sigh of relief. Suddenly Damian twisted his arm further up, forcing him to roll with the motion. Just as suddenly he released it. Before Dick got a chance to get his bearings Damian’s vaulted over him, standing between him and the girl, sword raised in an obvious threat.

**“Leave.”**

_You will have to make a choice._ Dick reached down and picked up his other escrima stick where Damian had left it. Funny. He’d always thought when the time came for this choice it’d be between Damian and someone else in their family. He dropped into a fighting stance. “I’m not leaving without both of you with me.”

“On the contrary.” Ra’s al Ghul appeared in the doorway, hands folded behind his back, shrouded in shadow like an omen of death. “They are indeed both leaving. You are however mistaken about with whom.”

Ra’s stepped into the room. A pair of heavily armed ninjas slipped in behind him, ghosting around the edges of the room until they were in front of Damian. There was a long moment of tense stillness. Then Damian lowered his katana, movements stiff and jerky, and stepped aside to let them pass.

Ra’s ignored the exchange with the air of someone certain everything will go exactly as he expects, turning his attention to Dick. “I expected smarter from Bruce. Fortunately for all of you I have no interest in starting a war at this time. I will give you one last chance to take the reprieve my grandson so generously offered you. Go. Tell Batman if he and his leave now just this once I will overlook this misstep.”

“Dick.” Damian’s voice was pleading. “Leave. _Please._ ” But despite that his katana remained unsheathed, ready to be raised. Dick surveyed the room. They’d reached their breaking point. Damian’s chosen his side. And it’s not with them.

Damian’s made his choice.

And Dick’s made his. “I’m not leaving without both of them.”

Ra’s smirked. Despite that there was something tight in his eyes. He wasn’t as certain of Damian’s loyalty as he’d like either. Or maybe that was just Dick’s desperately wishful thinking. “Then you’ll die.” Damian stepped forward without having to be told. He raised his sword, pointing it at Dick.

_ You will have to have an answer ready. _

Dick knew. He’d spent sleepless nights grappling over this very scenario. If it had been a choice between Damian and another of their family he would do what it took. _Whatever_ it took. But a choice between Damian and himself? Not even a question. He won’t kill his brother. He won’t even try.

But they doesn’t mean he’s about to lay down and roll over.

Damian’s never had the patience to wait for someone else to make the first move. It had been something he’s tried to teach him countless times. Sure enough Damian lunged. Dick flipped backward out of the way. He brought his escrima stick up just in time to block a strike to his face. A knife materialized in Damian’s other hand screaming towards his chest. Dick twisted, letting it catch in between the plates of his body armor, willing to take the hit in exchange for stripping Damian of one of his weapons. Not the worst move he’s ever made. Except for the part where the kid’s always a walking armory. That’s not a trick that’s going to work for all of Damian’s knives. Not without dying of blood loss first. Ra’s watched impassively. Dick flung the stolen blade at him taking a vicious pleasure when Damian didn’t even try to stop it from reaching its target. The distraction cost him though as Damian attacked again. He swung a wide sweep of his blade. Uncontrolled. Dick let it under his guard, tangling his escrima stick with the sword, locking them together. Instead of trying to pull away Damian flipped the blade, stabbing it forward.

Shit. Not uncontrolled. A trap.

At the last second the blade veered away, slicing his side rather than stabbing straight through him.

Damian stepped back. His hands were shaking.

Ha! There was his baby brother.

Dick dropped one of his sticks. He reached out and wrapped his hand around his wrist until it steadied.

“Hey there Dami.”

“Damian.” Ra’s’ voice was like ice. “ _Just this once_ I will overlook this misstep. We are leaving.”

Damian glanced over at Ra’s. His shoulders shifted and his face closed back off. “Yes Grandfather.” Dick could _see_ his brother slipping away.

“ **No.** I’m not letting you leave.” He still has a hand on Damian’s wrist. Damian twisted in Dick’s grip. Any hesitation that he had left was wiped away. Dick locked around it with an iron grip and braced himself. It had been too much to hope for that the fight could end that easily.

The wall exploded.

Everything lurched sideways. Dick was thrown through the air. He instinctively pulled Damian closer, twisting to cushion his landing. 

When the dust settled part of the wall was missing.

There was a plane wing sticking through it.

“I thought you fuckers were going to wait for us!” Jason said, appearing out of the smoke, weapons in both hands.

“We didn’t really have much of a choice.”

Steph swung in next to Jason, crouching on some rubble that used to be the temple wall. “Did you yell at them about starting without us yet?” She blinked, taking in the surroundings for the first time. “Hello creepy magical sacrifice room.”

Dick hauled himself upright. Ra’s had vanished. The ninjas that had come in with him had as well, taking the girl with him. “Ra’s is here! And there’s a hostage. An unconscious gi–” Damian delivered a kick to his ribs, throwing him into Steph and Jason.

He took off running down the hall.

“Fuck, not again.” For the second time that day Dick took off after his brother.

This time he knew what to expect.

It didn’t make him feel any better.

He burst outside, skidding to a stop as he took in the fight. Bruce was across the courtyard, facing off against Ra’s and at least twenty ninjas. Tim was on the edges, trying to fight his way over. Cass had cut off the two ninjas who were carrying the girl and was currently fighting for possession of her. One of them went down, falling in a heap like a rag doll.

Ahead of him Damian was staring at the same scene. He pulled out an explosive, throwing it at Cass as she flipped back to avoid a hit. The remaining ninja snatched the girl.

“Red Robin!” Tim turned. “Stop him!” Tim twisted, catching the ninja unaware and slamming the end of his staff into his head.

Damian pulled out a second explosive. He swore and shoved it back in his belt as Tim grabbed up the girl, pulling a throwing blade. He flung it straight at Tim’s head. Dick tackled Damian a half-second too late, earning himself an elbow to the jaw. Noticing the knife at the last second Tim dodged, the knife impaling itself into the wall behind her. The girl slipped out of his grasp. Cass swooped in, scooping her up and making a bee-line for the batjet.

Damian thrashed, eyes following Cassandra. “No!”

He was distracted.

Dick switched on the electricity in his remaining escrima stick and jammed it into Damian’s side. He went rigid as the electricity shot through him then fell to his knees. Dick held it there even as he fell. He wasn’t pulling punches anymore. He finally switched the current off then slammed the end of the baton into Damian’s skull. With one last, vicious hit Damian crumpled, unconscious.

He hauled Damian's limp body into his arms. “Get the others and get out of here!” he called to Tim. Not waiting for an answer he clambered up the side of the crashed jet. Cass was already inside, securing the girl. He tossed Damian down to her and threw himself into the pilot’s seat. With one last glance out at the battle he slammed the cockpit closed and gunned the engine.

He still didn’t know what was going on but he did know they couldn’t afford to let either of those two stay.

* * *

“You weren’t surprised by the fact that the thing they were guarding was actually a girl.”

Cass shifted in her seat, not quite an indication of guilt but definitely an acknowledgement that she’d been playing angles.

“That what you where signing about with Bruce earlier?”

“Ra’s traps. I thought when he found out about her he wouldn’t let her stay trapped. I thought if Damian saw her it would…” Cass trailed off. She gestured toward Damian then made the sign for ‘ _ours_ ’, purposely making the motion too wide so it included Dick rather than stopping at her shoulder.

“You thought if Damian found someone else trapped he’d try to save her and it would push him to come down more on our side.”

Cass nodded.

“You should have _told_ me. I should have known what was going on instead on running in blind. I expect that kind of crap from Bruce, not from you.” Cass ducked her shoulders and Dick immediately felt horrible. The last thing he should be doing was picking a fight with another one of his siblings, especially Cass. Honestly it wasn’t a bad plan. It was one he probably would have tried himself and one he’d have said would work if he hadn’t just watched it demonstrably fail. He bit back a sigh, resisting the urge to turn around and check on the two slumped figures in the back. “Damian wasn’t surprised either.”

Cass startled. She did whip around to stare at them. “No. She’s important. He cared about her, not Ra’s.”

“When I showed up he was trying to hide her from us. And when Ra’s showed up to take her away he let her. I was the only one he fought.”

Cass stared at him, searching for something. Whatever it was Dick couldn’t give it to her. “He chose Ra’s.”

“I don’t know who he chose. I don’t know if he knew who he chose. He wasn’t willing to kill me. But he was going to leave with Ra’s. We’re technically kidnapping right now. Just a heads up in case he starts fighting when he wakes up.”

For reasons only known to Cass this actually calmed her down. “He wasn’t leaving with Ra’s. He was leaving with her.

“Maybe,” he said because Cass might be the best of all of them at reading people but she hadn’t been there. She hadn’t seen it when they’d finally found the breaking point. He raised a hand to his throat, feeling the tacky wetness still there.

He really wished he knew what to do.

* * *

Damian woke up roughly an hour into the flight. He groaned as he slowly came back to the waking world. Dick reached out and switched the plane off autopilot, gripping the controls, ready to throw the plane into a roll. Cass shot him a hard look. Dick stared right back. She’d refused to let him restrain Damian so he was going to be prepared to do what he needed to do. After a moment she relented, pulling her seatbelt tighter and bracing her arm against the side of the jet.

He could tell the moment Damian realized what had happened. _“What did you do.”_

“Well hello to you too sunshine,” Dick replies, forcing lightness into his voice.

Damian ignored him, fumbling across the seats toward the girl. When he reached her he froze, hovering an inch away from actually touching her. He reached out a trembling hand and brushed a strand of dark hair out of her closed eyes. “Marinette. No. _Nononono **no–**_ ” Suddenly he wheeled around to face them. _“Do you realize what you’ve **done?** ”_ Dick had never seen him so desperately, uncontrollably _furious._ He’d been wrong earlier. This. This was Damian’s breaking point. “You’ve–” All at once all his anger disintegrated leaving nothing but anguish. He crumbled in on himself, staring blankly at nothing.

Dick glanced over at Cass. ‘ _Important’_ she finally signed. She was right. Whoever the girl – Marinette – was she important. But that still left the question of **_why._**

He flipped the autopilot back on and turned to look at him. “Damian? Damian talk to us. We can’t help fix it if you don’t tell us what’s going on.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Damian muttered He curled further over Marinette and shut his eyes. “It’s too late.”

* * *

Damian didn’t speak for the rest of the flight.

He didn’t move at all.

Dick had no clue what to do.

* * *

Alfred was waiting for them when they arrived at the cave. As was… Constantine?

What the hell was John Constantine doing in the cave? Even if Bruce wanted a magic user to take a look why Constantine? He shot a questioning look to Cass who looked as confused him. She reached out and touched his shoulder before heading into the back of the jet toward Damian and Marinette.

Squaring his shoulders, Dick jumped out the jet striding over to the warlock. “What do you want?”

“A drink,” Constantine shot back. “And really to be anywhere other than here getting glared at by the world’s most British butler. But when you get a call from Batman using his extra scary voice you do what he says. The Bat seemed to think I was the best choice for whatever you’re dealing with. Someone said something about a magical sacrifice?”

“We’re… not actually sure what we’re dealing with.”

Constantine shifted, looking past him to where Cass was gently lifting Marinette out of the jet. “Great.” He adjusted his coat and followed Dick over to the medical section of the cave where Cass was setting Marinette down. As they got closer Damian pulled out a knife. He stepped in front of Marinette, a snarl forming. Then as quickly as his anger had returned it vanished. The knife fell from limp fingers and Dick ended up having to catch it rather than take it away like he’d thought he would.

“Bats could never call in for a simple favor, could he?” Constantine muttered. “Got a name?”

“Marinette.”

“We know her full name? Easier the more of it I have.”

“Dupain-Cheng,” Damian said. The first words he’d said in hours. He’d curled himself up next to Marinette as soon as Cass had set her down, hand wrapped tight around her limp one. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Dick caught Cass’s eyes even as she pulled him onto a medical bed. Meeting it, she gave a sharp nod. Whoever this Marinette Dupain-Cheng was she was important; they’d need to find out as much as they could if they were going to keep her safe.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” Constantine said, pulling out candles, dried herbs and other odds and ends Dick couldn’t classify without a better look. “Let’s wake her up.”

“You won’t be able to.”

“No offense kid but I’ve been doing this a bit longer than you have. I think I can handle it.”

The first attempt to wake her up failed just like Damian said it would. As did the second. They were halfway through spell attempt number five when the other batplane pulled into the cave. Dick watched them pile out, scanning for any sign of injuries. He was well aware he was counting ducklings like the mother hen Jason loved to call him but so what. He was their big brother it was his job. And Bruce had hidden way too many gunshots/stab wounds/broken bones/concussions/ancient curses over the years to expect to be trusted with his own assessment of his wellbeing. It didn’t look like anything worse than some bumps and bruises. Good. He always preferred the fights where he was the worst injured. Yeah, yeah he was well aware he’d be pissed if any of his siblings expressed the exact same sentiment. So he was a giant hypocrite when it came to his own well-being; so sue him. It was a family trait.

Tim got out first. “You want to tell me what the hell just happened? Like why you had to cut out early after knocking Damian unconscious? Or why Damian nearly blew up Cass and he tried to impale me? Or hey, here’s a good one, why was Damian trying to kill us?”

“Not now.”

“I repeat, he _tried to kill us._ Or did you just miss the part where he sided with Ra’s?”

Dick craned his neck searching for Cass. She was over talking quietly with Bruce. No help from that end then. “It’s more complicated than that. And now’s not the time.”

“I’m with Tim,” Steph said, coming up beside him. “Even by our standards that fight was weird.”

“Later.”

“But–”

 _“Later.”_ A sigh escaped and he resisted the urge to scrub at his eyes. Why did he ever want siblings again? He looked over at Jason, sending him a silent plea for help. Jason rolled his eyes but grabbed the others, hauling them back

“You owe me for this Bats!” Constantine called, not looking up from the book that was far too big to have been hiding in his coat, despite the fact that that was where he’d pulled it out from.

“You’re here because you owed _me._ ”

“Yeah well this clears it and more. I can’t wake her up.”

“I _told_ you that,” Damian snapped. 

Bruce glanced over at him before turning his focus back to Constantine. “What can you tell me.”

“I’ve got a couple ideas about why I can’t wake her and none of them good.” Right then the bundle of sticks in his hand burst into flames, flaring a noxious green before going black for several seconds then finally snuffing itself out. “Shit. And of course it’s the worst possible answer.”

“What is it.”

“Miss Dupain-Cheng here is missing her soul.”

“I could have told you that.”

“Missing her _soul?”_ Tim repeated. He stormed forward at Damian. Dick caught him before he could reach him, holding him back. “You mean you knew the League of Assassins just _had_ a random girl missing her soul lying around? Are there others? Is there a whole horde of–”

“That’s enough.”

Tim looked up. “But–”

“That’s **_enough._** ”

“Hold up,” Constantine said, shoving his way into the conversation. “The _League of Assassins?_ _That’s_ what you pulled me into?” Bruce stared impassively back.

Constantine broke first.

“You _absolutely_ owe me for this,” he said, grabbing his book and flipping wildly through it. “Alright kid, you’re the League of Assassins expert here. And since you clearly know so much about this whole thing maybe you want to explain.”

“Ra’s took her soul. He holds it trapped.”

Complete silence filled the cave.

Dick didn’t have to look at Cass to know her face perfectly matched his. He stared down at Marinette, still lying, perfectly still, on the medical table, hand still caught in Damian’s. Who _was_ this girl? And more importantly, how long had Damian been dealing with this?

Constantine recovered first. “Trapped soul. Okay. I can work with that.” He pulled out yet more candles, arranging them in a circle around Marinette. When he came to Damian he stopped. “I’m going to need you to back up. You’ll mess up the spell otherwise.”

For a moment it didn’t look like Damian was going to move. Then his shoulders slumped. He stepped back, keeping ahold of Marinette’s hand for as long as he could. 

“I guess you don’t know everything about it after all,” Constantine said only a few minutes later. “Her soul’s not being held.”

“Of course he wouldn’t have kept it. Not after… what happened.”

“Also wrong. You said Ra’s separated it from her body?” Damian nodded. “I believe that part but he didn’t trap it. He never even tried to hold onto it. That would have been completely different type of spellwork. The spell used on her was designed so her soul would be lost forever, if not destroyed.”

Damian’s knees gave out from under him. Jason, who was closest, let out a curse as he struggled to catch him. He looked over at Dick, expression demanding an explanation. If Dick had one he’d give it. Cass slid over, carefully rearranging Damian so he was in her grip rather than Jason’s and sinking down to the floor with him. Damian didn’t notice. He stared blankly forward the same way he had in the jet. “She’s gone. She’s always been gone.” 

Dick started shepherding the others away. Cass would make sure Damian wasn’t alone. At this point it was the only thing they could do.

“Not quite.”

Damian’s head snapped over to him. “You just said–”

“It was _supposed_ to do that. Her soul’s still tethered to something, which is in turn tethered to her. I can use that tie to loop back around to her and get her soul back where it belongs. …Just as soon as I figure out what the hell it is.”

Bruce was looming in front of him before anyone could blink. “How long do will take to figure out.”

“I don’t know.” “A few months maybe?”

“Months?” Steph demanded. She pushed past Dick until she was right in front of Constantine. “What do you mean _months?_ Can’t you do anything quicker than that?” Tim joined her, glaring over her shoulder. From the other side Jason folded his arms, thrumming with visible anger. Alfred was the only one who stayed where he was, and coming from him that was something of a threat in and of itself.

Constantine shifted, clearly not happy being closed in by their family. “Look I don’t know what to tell you. Months is honestly the optimistic estimate. It could be anything upwards of years.”

That was absolutely not an acceptable answer. The cave exploded into motion.

“I’ll call Zatanna.”

“I’ll call Barbara. See if she has anything else we can try.”

“Do you think Doctor Fate would know anything useful?”

“How about Deadman, he might know something?

Bruce meanwhile kept staring down Constantine. “Well?” he said, voice impassively expectant in a that uniquely imposing way Dick had only ever heard him master.

“What do you want me to say?” Constantine snapped.

“Something **useful.** ”

“I’m doing the best I can here! There’s not some magical fairytale connection between a soul and anything other than– Oh. Oh duh. I’m an idiot.”

“Agreed.”

“I always forget to think about that, of course there’s another connection a soul could have, just because I don’t have one doesn’t mean it’s uncommon but I always forget about it anyways. It’s a soul–” He suddenly stopped. “Oh fuck.”

That was never a good thing to hear someone like Constantine say.

He walked over until he was in front of Damian. He stared at him for a long moment. “The tether’s a soulbond,” he finally said, still staring down at Damian. “She’s got a soulmate.”

Damian flinched.

Oh.

Oh God.

 _Important_ was an understatement.

A _soulmate._

A soulmate Ra’s had been holding over Damian’s head for god only knew how long.

It had never been a choice between their family and Ra’s it had been a choice between their family and his **_soulmate._** A choice Dick had forced Damian into making.

He was the worst big brother ever

“A Bat soulmate. I have to deal with a bat soulmate. Well the good news is that this makes everything about as straightforward as it possibly could be. I’d like to revise my previous estimate. The new guess is about a week or two. Maybe less if I’m right about not having to track her soul down. My bet is she’s in the cave with us right now.” 

Damian scrambled to his feet. “What?”

“Well her soul’s tethered to you. Separated from her body it’s probably followed you around the whole time.”

Damian looked like he was about to collapse again. Dick rushed forward to make sure he could catch him if that happened. But Damian remained upright. “So I have really been hearing her.”

“Hearing her,” Constantine said flatly. “You’ve been _hearing_ her.” He buried his face in his hand. “…Her soul’s awake. Her soul is still awake. Of course it’s still awake she’s soulmates with a goddamn bat. Okay, sure. Is it external or internal? All the time or only occasionally?”

“Every morning. She still greets me.” He curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around himself. “I thought I was imagining it. She lived in an entirely different time zone than me. Her greetings never came in the morning. But I didn’t want to lose it. Even if it wasn’t real.”

Dick sucked in a sharp breath. Behind him Jason swore. Oh Damian. He’d wrapped his arm around his little brother before he even realized he was moving. Damian sagged against him. His hand came up to grip Dick’s arm, nails biting into the skin. But at least they weren’t biting into his own arm anymore.

“She’s awake enough to have a fully formed consciousness cycle. Of course she is. You weren’t imagining her kid. And I’d like to revise my previous estimation again. Definitely less than a week.” He turned back to his book, flipping through several pages. “Right, I’m going to need an iron bowl and for everybody to clear out. This first bit’s delicate.”

Bruce met Dick’s eyes. “We’ll be upstairs.” Dick nodded. He gently tugged Damian over to the far bed in the medical area, still in sight of Marinette. “Come on Dami. You were within five feet of at least three separate explosions today. Why don’t we get you checked out?” Damian let himself be led. His eyes never left the other table where Marinette lay. 

For several minutes Dick worked in silence, checking over Damian and cleaning the few scrapes and cuts he did have.

“So,” he eventually said as he wrapped the last of them. “How long has she been…” he trailed off, unsure how to finish is question.

“Just before I came here.”

A little over a year.

“I’m sor–”

Damian turned away. “I’m fine. You can go back to the others.”

“Bruce can handle the others.”

“But–”

“And Cass can handle Bruce. You shouldn’t have to be alone.”

“You mean you don’t trust me alone,” Damian shot back.

Worst. Big brother. Ever.

“I– You’re right. I didn’t trust you. I knew you weren’t loyal to your grandfather but that there was still something there and I couldn’t figure out what. I let myself think like a paranoid bat rather than an older brother. I didn’t think that he might have something over you. I didn’t trust you when I should have and I made you feel like you couldn’t trust me. And for that I’m sorry.”

“You weren’t wrong to not trust me.”

“I wasn’t right either.” 

“I nearly stabbed you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Why are you being so nice!?” Damian wheeled on him. His eyes were wide, full of confusion and distress. “I let Marinette get caught. I let her stay with the League. I lied to all of you. I tried to hide Marinette from you. I nearly stabbed you. I nearly left with Grandfather. I _would_ have left with Grandfather. I would have– Why would you trust me after that?”

Dick folded himself around his brother. “Ra’s used your soulmate against you. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had someone we loved used against us. You kept her safe. And now we’re going to help you keep her safe. You’re both safe.”

Damian buried himself against Dick’s side. “A week. She was always with me. Not Grandfather. I could have gotten her back within a week. Instead I let him keep her.”

“You didn’t know. And she’s here now. Ra’s will never get near her again.”

“We should go up with the others.”

“We can stay down here. It’s your choice.”

“No. I– Marinette is safe. I can’t stay here and do nothing.” He fell silent for a moment before adding. “I want F– I need to talk to Father.”

“Upstairs it is.”

“Before you go,” Constantine called, “I need some of his blood.” He motioned to the iron bowl, now full of what Dick could only describe as bubbling purple syrup.

“What is that?”

“That is how I’m going to catch onto their soulbond and use it to put Marinette’s soul back. Also it can be a stabilizer if the bond’s too weak but honestly I don’t see that being a problem here.” He held out a dagger. “Just a few drops’ll do then it’ll start glowing. The stronger the bond, the brighter the glow. A normal healthy soulbond you’ll get some nice mood lighting. A bond like yours it’ll probably light up the place bright enough to read by.”

Without any hesitation Damian slashed the dagger across his palm, holding it over the bowl. Three drops of bright red blood dripped down his hand into the potion.

Even knowing what was about to happen Dick was in no way prepared for the absolute blaze of blinding gold light.

Eventually the light finally faded back. Dick lowered his arm, blinking back the residual glare. Constantine was on his ass on the floor of the cave. He blinked rapidly, pulling himself to his feet. “Or it could burn everyone’s corneas,” he muttered. “You bats don’t do anything halfway, do you? I’d like to revise my previous estimate. Again. If this takes me more than two days I need to retire.”

* * *

“We’ve got a new estimate! Under two days.”

Several heads popped up around the sitting room. Babs had arrived at some point and it looked like she and Tim were holding some kind of digital war meeting. Tablets and laptops were strewn across the table open to shopping sites, police reports, news articles, and pictures of a couple Dick would bet anything were Marinette’s parents. Everyone burst into motion, scrambling to clear a place.

Damian ignored all of them, walking straight up to Bruce.

“Father.”

“Damian.”

“I– Father I should have–”

Bruce dropped to his knees, placing both hands on Damian’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Damian said, even less convincing than when he’d told Dick.

Bruce clearly didn’t believe him either. He tightened his grip, pulling him. “We’re going to keep her safe Damian. I promise.”

That was the last straw. With a sob Damian dived into Bruce’s arms, letting his father catch him, and clung to him. In return Bruce scooped him up, crouching on the floor holding his son.

* * *

Eventually the tears wound down. 

Damian sat back, staring down at his hands. He still didn’t do well displaying ‘weaker’ emotions. They were lucky he hadn’t shut down at all.

Dick plopped down on the floor in front of Damian where he was wedged between Bruce and Cass. He leaned forward and poked his little brother in the inside of his knee. “You want to tell me about my new little sister?” he asked. Sometimes what was really needed was some gentle teasing to distract from all the brooding their family tended to fall into.

Damian frowned. “Marinette is an only child.”

Next to Steph Tim snorted. “Not anymore she isn’t.”

“What’s she like?”

“Yeah,” Jason added, flopping back in his seat, “We adding another ninja to the family?”

“Marinette’s a civilian.”

“You mean she wasn’t brought up in the League?”

Damian shook his head. His gaze dropped back to his hands. His knuckles were white with how tightly he was holding them. “Grandfather did not know about her. He caught me greeting her. That was when he–” Damian cut himself off.

Cass wrapped a slim arm around him. She waited until his shoulders slowly untensed. When he finally looked up at her she smiled gently at him. “Tell us about her.”

Damian took a deep breath. “Marinette… is perfect. Her favorite color is pink. Her parents run a bakery and she would often help them with it. When she was seven she made her first perfect batch of macarons. It was the second batch she made that day. The first batch she tripped and spilled the batter on the floor. But she didn’t care. She was so proud of that second batch. Her oldest friend is a boy named Nino. She’s known him her entire life. He’s one of the few people she told about me. She wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up. She already designs and sews her own outfits. One time…”

* * *

In the end it took a little less than a day and a half for Constantine to finish his spell. They brought Marinette up to the living room because it was the friendliest room in the house, laying her out on one of the sofas. Damian was by her side in an instant, her hand in his.

“She should start waking up any second. She’ll probably be pretty out of it for a few minutes and there’s no telling how much she’ll remember from her time as a free-floating soul. Maybe everything, probably nothing.”

“I should do one last check once she’s awake to make sure everything’s alright.” On the couch Marinette began to stir. Constantine glanced down at her then stepped back to where Bruce was. “But that can wait for a couple minutes.” He jabbed his thumb at the door. “In the meantime I’m going to find myself a drink. Don’t worry. I’ll keep away from the really expensive stuff. Or at least most of it.”

“I’ll join you.”

The two filed out. Dick followed behind but hung back at the last second. He lingered in the doorway, unwilling to leave quite yet.

Marinette’s eyelids blinked open, revealing bright blue eyes. Her brow furrowed slightly. “Damian?”

Damian choked back a sob, smiling down at her. “Bonjour Marinette.”

Suddenly Marinette sat straight up. She immediately almost fell back down, limbs not yet ready to support her. She would have if Damian hadn’t swooped in to catch her. _“Damian.”_ They fell onto the couch, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

Dick let himself slip unnoticed out of the room, shutting the door. His little brother would be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter, we're immediately veering straight out of that humor I promised ya.  
> I have no idea how this ended up being batfam feels rather than Daminette feels. I mean, I'm happy with it, I just have no idea how it happened. Next chapter will be heavier on the Daminette. Probably. At the very least Marinette will get more lines.
> 
> I wanted to start with something with at least _some_ internal structure. Next chapter's the one one I really want to write I'll be the au I like the most and we'll dive straight to contextless insanity so that should be fun.
> 
> Formatting note because I'm me and this is what I choose to spiral over. Chapters that are all prose will be written in past tense because it's easier for me to write in. Outline/mixed chapters will be written in present tense because the original fic is and outlines are easier in present tense. Just so all ya'll know going onward.


	2. Chaos Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take a complex au that’s fully formed in my head, throw you in waaay deep in the middle of it, explain absolutely nothing, and filter the entire thing through an outsider pov who emphatically doesn’t know even close to the whole story and has his own strong opinions about what’s going on that then get projected onto the story.
> 
> To any reader trying to figure out the full picture of what’s going on:  
> Good fucking luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I did explain some things.  
> See end notes for a needlessly detailed look at the bat-classification system that Tim and Bruce mention briefly in passing.
> 
> i had to trim more than a thousand words from my end notes……

“Robin!”

Robin came to a stop, whipping around and pulling out his sword, holding it low down next to his side. A bright, musical laugh rang across the rooftops, echoing from every direction, making it impossible to trace.

Tim bit back a curse. He reached for his com and hit the button that would trigger a family-wide alert. Of all the nights for her to show up it had to be the one he was stuck patrolling with Robin.

A shadow darted across the rooftops. Something flashed metallic in the moonlight. Tim scooted back, bracing himself for the chaos.

_please no sword fight please no sword fight please no sword fight_

A different shadow detached itself from a nearby gargoyle and flung itself at Damian. The shadow smacked straight into Damian’s side, sending them flying. They bounced sideways, skidding along the rooftop as they rolled. When they came to a stop Damian was laying on his back, a small dark-haired girl in stealth gear laying on top of him, arms wrapped around his chest. Her head popped up. “Hi Damian,” she said, grinning way too widely. Seriously, no one who hadn’t been doused with Smilex should ever smile that wide.

Damian’s hands came up to her waist. “Hello Angel.”

Damian’s Angel. Aka the single most annoying part of Damian joining their family. And yes he’s including all those murder attempts when Damian first arrived. She’s been popping in and out of Gotham since a month after Damian did, sweeping in and out of Gotham bringing chaos and swords in her wake.

She giggled again, propping her chin on the middle of Damian’s chest and beaming at him. “Have you been having a good life? Because mine’s been absolutely _great!”_ Tim in no way wanted to know what exactly constituted ‘great’ in her books. He had a feeling it would be emotionally scarring.

Tim leaned further back in the shadows weighing his options. The girl didn’t seem inclined to move anytime soon. And Damian didn’t seem inclined to move her. Surprise surprise. Damian was never inclined to do anything she wasn’t inclined to. He could sneak away now. Avoid the entire mess.

“Hi Red Robin!”

“Hi,” he said flatly.

“You’re not leaving already, are you?”

Tim winced. How did she know? She never even looked at him. “Of course I’m not. Why would I do that?”

“Oh good!” She jumped up to her feet all but bouncing on her toes. Tim missed how she was in the early days back when she was still quiet and serious. Rather than the maniac energy of a five-year-old with a sugar high and a new toy katana to play with. She might have been more inclined towards actually stabbing people back then but at least she was less… all of this. “Because I’ve got a surprise and I want to tell all of you!” She pulled Damian to his feet, leaning against him and stage-whispering into his ear, “It’s a really good one.” Tim could see his brain short-circuit from the proximity. He’d be ready to mock him for it if he wasn’t so worried over what exactly a ‘really good surprise’ looked like from someone worthy of being a Class Q threat.

_Please don’t be something explosive. Or giant. Or alive._

_Pleeeaase don’t be something alive._

“This surprise wouldn’t have to do with that _other_ shadow I saw, would it?”

“That’s part of it.” All he wanted was one thing. One. Thing. For her surprise to not be alive. So – _of course_ – it just **had** to be alive.

Damian stiffened. “Angel–”

“It’s not like that,” she interrupted quietly. “You know I would never do that to anyone.”

Damian stared at her. “I know.”

They did that sometimes, dropped into seriousness with no explanation, referencing things only the other understood. That, more even than her fighting style, had been what gave away her history with the League of Assassins. Then the seriousness broke and she was back to her normal bubbliness. “He’s still not great at sneaking. But we’re working on it.”

“ _Who’s_ not great at sneaking yet?”

She was saved from answering when Spoiler swung in, literally diving onto the roof. “I’m here!” she cried, releasing her grappling line early and dropping the last several feet “Where is she?”

“Spoiler!” She skipped over and threw her arms around Steph.

“You’re here!” Steph squealed, squishing her into a tight hug. “We missed you.”

“I missed you guys too.”

“So,” Steph said when she finally let go, “What name are you using this time?” They had to do this every time. It was like a reverse Rumpelstiltskin. Only worse. Damian was the only one who she let call her by a consistent name.

“Fortuna,” she announced.

“That’s a new one.” Tim turned to see Nightwing had appeared while he wasn’t looking. “I like it.”

Fortuna tilted her head to the side, grinning. “I do too. It think it’ll end up being one of my regulars. Especially considering.”

“…Considering what?” Tim asked.

“You’ll see,” she sing-songed. Yeah that was encouraging. Definitely didn’t smack of evil gloating at all. “Did Red Robin send out an alert to tell everyone to come here or was it just to let you know I was here?” How? How did she do that? If Oracle patched her into their coms system he was going to be mad.

At least Dick seemed thrown by Fortuna too. Nice to see Tim wasn’t the only person who remembered how unpredictable she was. Well, besides Bruce. But the day Bruce wasn’t the single most paranoid person ever was the day the universe has unraveled entirely so he didn’t count. “Just a heads up. But you know no one’s going to want to miss seeing you.” Tim would. If he could just skip this whole thing, that would be great.

“Can you make sure? I’ve got a surprise and I want to tell all of you all at once.”

Tim leaned over to Dick. “The surprise is alive. And pacing the rooftops.”

Dick’s eyes went wide. “Batman, everyone needs to get over here. Now.”

The shadow darted around the edge of the neighboring rooftop. Tim swore he heard a bell jingling. There was a flash of glowing toxic green eyes before they vanished. Dick reached for a batarang.

“That is unnecessary. She has already assured me that her companion is no more a threat than she is.”

Oh is that what their exchange had been about? Seems like a lot for the whole two sentences she’d said about it. Also, no more a threat than she is was hardly reassuring.

“Who’s not a threat?” Red Hood asked, hauling himself up onto the roof. Black Bat landed next to him having flipped gracefully over. She may have added a few extra twirls in midair. Cass could claim that she didn’t show off whenever Damian’s Angel showed up in some weird platonic version of a courtship display to try to get her to stay forever and be their little sister as much as she wanted, but the evidence was there.

Fortuna smiled, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Uh-uh-uh. We’re still one bat short.“

“Who’s not a threat.”

Damian had moved between Batman and Fortuna before Tim could blink. On one hand it was sweet to see how much he cared. On the other hand, she didn’t exactly need it. At least she seemed to find it sweet too. Tim remembered how she got when she felt Damian was overstepping.

Scary. She got scary.

“Fortuna has a surprise for us,” Dick said. “A living surprise.”

“Technically he’s the second part of the surprise,” Fortuna piped up, wrapping herself around Damian’s shoulder.

“Angel I believe you are beginning to worry the others.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. If they cannot maintain composure that’s their own failing.”

“Even so. Oh! Before I forget. I know you’re going to freak out. But it’ll be fine, I promise. Trust me.”

“Of course.”

She smiled like he’d given her some great, unexpected gift. She could have asked him to stab himself with his own katana and he would have said the exact same thing. And there was no way she didn’t know it. There was something deeply ~~terrifying about someone they knew nothing about having so much control over his little brother~~ disturbing about Damian being so deferential. 

Leaning in and pecking him on the cheek, she stepped out into the middle of the roof. Their family had spaced themselves around the edges in a circle. There was physically no way for her to stand without having her blind spot exposed to _someone._ The smart choice would be to put Damian in it. It’s what she would have done as recently as even a few months ago. But now she stayed facing Damian even if it put her back directly towards Bruce.

“Tikki! Spots On!”

A small red blob flew out from the shadows, pulled by an invisible force towards her. As soon as the blob reached her she was enveloped by blinding pink light.

The light faded almost as soon as it had begun. Fortuna was standing in the same place she’d been in before only… not. In her place was a young woman in a formfitting red and black spotted uniform and mask.

Oh Crap.

Tim _recognized_ that outfit.

Paris had joined the ranks of supercities almost a week ago. It had already become Damian’s newest fixation.

 _That_ was one of Paris’s new homegrown heroes.

“I‘ve got superpowers!” She skipped over to Damian, grabbing his hand and swinging it back and forth in her hand. “Isn’t it so cool?”

“Angel–”

“Ladybug,” she corrected before flashing Damian a wink, “while in uniform.”

Superpowers.

Someone gave Damian’s violent, secretive, maniac, ex-League of Assassins not-girlfriend _superpowers._

…

**_Superpowers._ **

“What the fuck were they thinking?” Thank you Jason, for voicing what was in everyone’s mind.

Everyone _sane_ at least.

Fortuna glanced over her shoulder at Jason, giving an overexaggerated shrug. “I wondered the same thing.”

“He probably recognized that you’re the best possible Ladybug ever My Lady,” a voice purred _directly behind Tim’s shoulder._ When he spun around there was a boy dressed like a cat via skintight head to toe leather leaning down from the neighboring building in a way that should really defy gravity, grinning at him. “Hi there.” He even had little fangs. Tim really hoped he wasn’t going for ‘intimidating’ with those. Because if so he’d missed by a _wiiide_ margin.

Catboy flipped over Tim’s head, revealing a staff he’d stuck into the wall and used to lean against. Ladybug darted over to him and pulled him over to Damian, beaming the whole way.

“And this is the second half of my surprise. I’ve got a partner.”

“Angel–”

“ _Ladybug_ ,” she chided, still grinning. “This is Chat Noir. He’s the best alley cat ever and I’m keeping him as long as he’ll let me.”

“That’ll be forever,” Chat Noir chimed in, knocking his shoulder against Ladybug’s. He hopped backwards, spinning several times before coming to a stop facing Dick. Great. She’d found someone with just as much energy as she had. “Now let’s see. I can do this. Dick Grayson.”

He wasn’t.

“Stephanie Brown.”

He was.

“Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain.”

“Tim Drake.”

It was a power play. Letting them know Ladybug had told him their identities. A blatant power play.

“Bruce Wayne.”

A blatantly _insane_ power play.

“And saving the most important for last,” he grabbed Damian’s hand and dropped into a theatrical bow. “ _The_ Damian. It’s pawsitively delightful to meet you songbird. Chat Noir at your service. But _you_ can call me– actually, that conversation can wait for later, somewhere _prrrrivate_.” Here he threw in a suggestive wink. Poor Dami looked three seconds away from stabbing him on instinct. “For now you can call me Leo Morel.”

Dick burst out laughing. “Oh man,” he wheezed. “I like you. You’re going to be fun. Finally someone else who appreciates the craft.”

“Craft?” Steph asked.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Dick wiped his eyes, fighting back the last of his laughter. “Leo Morel. Lion Dark. He just gave us a name that literally means Chat Noir.”

“I was always told I had to _claw_ my way to the top and _pounce_ on every opportunity if I wanted a _bright_ future. But I prefer the friendly _dark_.”

“I don’t know. You strike me as a sharp guy, if a little _catty._ I’m sure you’ll you’re your own way to succeed be _fur_ you even know it.” Tim groaned. He wasn’t the only one. That was painful, even by Dick’s usually basement-level standards. Chat Noir meanwhile was staring at him like he’d just performed a miracle. “So am I allowed to call Leo too or should I stick to Chat Noir?”

“You can call me whatever you want.”

Jason snorted, nearly choking trying to hold in his laughter. Dick however had had more than enough experience with that kind of attention to not react. “How about we stick with Nightwing and Chat Noir while in uniform.”

“And _out_ of uniform?”

“Kitty, play nice. Besides we can’t stay.”

Cass and Steph frowned. “Aww… But you usually stay at least a couple days.”

“I know. But Chat and I can’t be away from Paris for that long. We have a duty to the city.”

Tim turned so he had a better view of Damian. No lie, the way he always pouted whenever she left but tried to hide it was kind of adorable.

But he wasn’t pouting. Instead there was a serious expression on his face, shoulders tight with tension. “Angel–”

“Ladybug.”

“ _Angel._ This is not a good idea. Visiting Paris is dangerous enough but living there full time, being connected to it, especially in such a public way is–”

 _“That is not your choice to make.”_ Her voice was solid ice. She moved before anyone could react, grabbing Damian’s katana from him and holding out in front of her ready to strike. Her expression could have been carved out of stone. _“You do not get to decide my life and you do not get to dictate who I am. No one does.”_

Shit. She wasn’t just mad, she was _angry._ When she was angry she was _dangerous._

Even Chat Noir looked nervous, shifting uncertainly, tail lashing back and forth. His eyes darted around but he kept glancing at Ladybug like he was afraid to look away from her for longer than a second. Tim couldn’t help but wonder if this was his first time seeing his new partner truly angry.

“It’s not safe to–”

_“It’s my decision to make.”_

“But it’s not ju–”

**_“And who’s fault is that?”_ **

Damian froze completely. “You’re right,” he finally said. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” But her stance was already dropping. “And I’m sorry too. It’s never been your fault.” She flipped the sword in her hand, twirling it with absentminded lethality before holding it out Damian. “So you’re really going to be okay with this.”

“I’ll simply have to accompany you back to Paris.”

“Is that so?” she asked, hardness starting to creep back into her voice. Tim could smack Damian. He really could. He would too. He _just_ escaped her anger and he immediately turned around and pissed her off again?

“It is the only viable option.”

A smile bloomed across Ladybug’s face. It was the softest expression he’d ever seen on her. She dove forward, tackling Damian in a hug, clinging to him and burying her face in his hair. A watery laugh escaped.

…Or maybe it wouldn’t piss her off.

“Alright. Okay. To Paris it is.”

“Um, didn’t the French government literally ban foreign heroes like less than a week ago?” Steph asked.

“Yeah but that only matters if you care about what the government says,” Chat Noir shot back with a smirk.

Bruce swept forward, looming over him. **“No.”**

_“eeep!”_

Ladybug detangled herself from Damian. “Batman’s right. You should stay here for now. We can always call you if we need help later. Besides, Tikki’s upset at me enough as it is already.”

“Tikki?”

“She’s my kwami She’s really sweet and friendly and kind. I’ll make sure you meet her before we go. Also she likes cookies. She might not be happy about me telling all of you now but I’m willing to bet trying Alfred’s famous lemon shortbread biscuits will help her come around.”

“What’s a kwami?.”

“Oh! Kwamis are tiny gods that represent concepts of reality. Tikki’s the kwami of creation. She’s existed since the dawn of creation itself and will continue to exist for as long as creation does. I channel her powers through me as Ladybug. All the miraculouses are powered by channeling a kwami’s power.”

Tiny. Gods.

Someone gave _Damian’s Angel_ the power of _Tiny. Gods._

…

**_GODS._ **

“Mine’s named Plagg,” Chat Noir said, waving his hand like a first grader at show and tell. “He’s the kwami of destruction. He likes gooey cheese, especially Camembert and he was responsible for the destruction of Pompeii. Also the extinction of the dinosaurs.”

“Our ride leaves pretty soon. But before it does, I’ve got superpowers now. Race you across the rooftops?”

Before he could answer she’d grabbed the yoyo sitting on her hip and used to grab hold of a ledge several buildings away. “Catch me if you can Damian,” she said with a wink before swinging away.

Damian stood there blinking dumbly. Then he scrambled after her, fumbling for his grappling hook. He fired it off and swung away in the same direction.

“Well it’s been really cool to meet all of you and usually I’d love to stick around but I’ve got a very small window and I still need to find Catwoman and convince her of the benefits of long-distance adoption.” With a cheeky salute Chat Noir dived off the roof, extending his baton and bounding away in a different direction.

There was a long moment of silence

“…Hide the batplane,” Dick said.

“You really think that’s necessary?”

“You remember the _last_ time those two fought?”

“Tiny. Gods.”

Steph flopped back onto the roof. “What level do you think ‘caused the extinction of the dinosaurs’ qualifies as?”

“We’re never going to be able to keep this from the rest of the Justice League.”

“We’re going to need to update her classification.”

“She’s already Class V, it shouldn’t be too hard to pretend she becoming a superhero made her leapfrog into Class R.”

“I give it a week before that falls apart.” Jason said. 

“B? What do you think?”

Bruce didn’t move. Everyone looked at each other. Tim shrugged. Maybe the tiny god part had been the breaking point for him too. Cass made a shooing motion towards Dick, waving him forward.

Dick cautiously asked. He inched forward, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. “B?”

All at once Bruce snapped into motion, sweeping away. “We’re putting them both down as dash æˆØ∏Ω∂π∆.”

“Red Robin, you okay to finish patrol by yourself?”

“Tiny. Gods. Someone gave her access to Tiny. **_Gods._** ”

“I’m going to take that as a no.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Batman has a classification system for… basically everyone. It’s over-complicated, needlessly obtuse, and insanely detailed. Every other hero has a cheat-sheet for it.
> 
> Class R - If you find them in the middle of an apparent jewelry store robbery step in and liaison between the cops and help them because they’re probably in the middle of something. If you find them in the middle of a destroyed street definitely help them because they’re almost certainly in over their head. Note: this is more loose canon types. Heroes who aren’t part of the JL or any affiliates but have a open communication line or indications of a good relationship with them - like canon LB and CN even before the bats knew their identities -fall under the Superheroes group.  
> (Selina Kyle makes her way into this class sometimes but she can never quite manage to stay there.)
> 
> Class C - If you find them in the middle of a destroyed street definitely help them because they’re probably either in the middle of something or in over their head. (Or both!) If you find them in the middle of an apparent jewelry store robbery… they’re probably robbing it. Sometimes on a rare occasion you’ll get one who’s the reverse. Those are the fun ones!  
> (Poison Ivy occasionally manages to inch her way into this class but she can’t ever stick the landing.)
> 
> Class V - Someone you might be able to reason with. sometimes. A friendly enemy if you were.  
> (Flash takes it as a point of pride how many of his Rogues are in this category. Batman passive-aggressively reclassifies them back into the Large-Scale Criminal and Criminal groups every few months. It’s a back and forth.)
> 
> Class D/Class Q - These two are the only classes that takes level into account.
> 
> Class D - level 10 or less. aka, so pathetic is it really worth your time? These are the ones who flunked out of being grouped as a criminal.
> 
> Class Q - usually level 30 or up. aka do you want to poke the bear with a stick? These are the ones where they haven’t really done anything yet, as far as you know. But the point is there’s no hard proof they’ve done anything too bad and their power levels are high enough that provoking then is probably not a good idea.  
> (Tim strongly supports classifying Damian’s Angel as Class Q. Damian supports stabbing Tim in the leg if he even tries to do that.)
> 
> Then threat Level.
> 
> Finally comes the dash.  
> It says how much the JL know about them. Bruce has been pointedly avoiding giving Angel a dash.
> 
> Now that he’s got no choice he’s putting her down as – æˆØ∏Ω∂π∆  
> aka: they are none of your damn business
> 
> (What she really should be marked as is  
> – ›†ﬁØ∏ß∆  
> aka: we know bupkis)
> 
> Damian’s Angel’s classification had been Class V Level 42  
> Ladybug’s classification will be put down as Class R Level 83 – æˆØ∏Ω∂π∆
> 
> There’s also an extended classification system. Because Batman.
> 
> Ladybug:  
> Class R Level 83::~e~517 [ef78:r∞J:§dø:wƒ: tg42/8åß:z¬:æk»/‡s:≈st:4-7jql][2Ω:rw91-b∫n227]{rrmIk2YUm14} – æˆØ∏Ω∂π∆
> 
> Class R threat number 83 :: potential threat number ~ extrapolated via transitive property ~ 517 [superpowered, superpower power level 78 : origin of powers magical : powers non-inherent : powers constantly accessible : threat level when stripped of powers 42 / highly intelligent but non-genius levels : highly flexible, intuitive intelligence : favors improvisation and rapidly formed, ever evolving plans / determiner : dangerous to ever count her out : if she runs away from a fight that would be because she has a plan that she’s about to smack you in the face with] [has a partner, combined individual threat level of 91 : becomes more dangerous if partner is threatened or injured (unproven)] {primary point of contact, Batman (note: specifically but not exclusively, which would be a different code and not Batfam in general, which would be yet another different code)} – backstory none of your damn business.
> 
> Chat Noir:  
> Class R Level 77::517 [ef78:r∞J:§dø:wƒ: tg31/6åß:z±:æTG‹‹/‡s:≈st:4-7&yc][2Ω:rw91-b∫n227]{rrmIk2YUm14} – æˆØ∏Ω∂π∆
> 
> Class R threat number 77 :: potential threat number 517 [superpowered, superpower power level 78 : origin of powers magical : powers non-inherent : powers constantly accessible : threat level when stripped of powers 31 / fairly intelligent, non-genius levels : highly flexible, impulsive intelligence : favors improvisation, never has a plan / determiner : dangerous to ever count him out : only runs far enough away to get enough room to try to wind up another hit] [has a partner, combined individual threat level of 91 : becomes more dangerous if partner is threatened or injured (unproven)] {primary point of contact, Batman} – backstory none of your damn business.
> 
> Can you tell I had way, way too much fun with this?


	3. Guardian Emilie Outline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're bringing back the OutlinePlus format and we're pulling out _aaaaallll_ the tropes.  
> Also Emilie gets some page time **not** unconscious in a glass box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty then! This one is an interactive chapter of sorts.  
> Introducing… (insert drumroll here)  
> Story Trope Bingo!!!  
> Before you begin reading take a moment to make yourself your bingo card of tropes. Check them off as you go! Make sure when crafting your bingo card(s) that you take into account both Miraculous Ladybug and Daminette tropes. Go wild, throw those trope nets far! Some, but not all of the larger tropes will be marked to keep a sharp eye out for your picks!
> 
> In lieu of a free space, the middle square will instead be occupied with {Marinette/Damian as soulmates}. Feel free to mark off immediately.
> 
> Remember, prepare your card _before_ you start reading. You're on the honor system here.

So hear me out: Master Fu is old. Like, really old.

Shocking I know.

He’s old, he got his entire temple eaten, he lost two of his miraculous and his grimoire, he’s entirely on his own…

So, you know, all the canon problems he’s in no way qualified to handle.

Except this time he runs into Emilie.

Or more accurately, Emilie runs into him.

~^~

When Emilie was a newlywed she and Gabriel spent their honeymoon hiking through Tibet. It was far more money than they could afford to spend ridiculously irresponsible but it was worth it. Besides, Gabe was going to get his big break into the fashion world any day now. It’ll be fine.

They end up getting horribly lost to the point Gabriel almost chucks the travel guide book down a ravine. (She loves Gabriel more than anything. But he does tend to… overreact when things go wrong.)

While stumbling around trying to find their way back they get separated and Emilie finds the most curious thing, two pieces of jewelry and an old book. (I know what you’re thinking. In actual canon-canon Gabriel claimed the grimoire was the last gift Emilie ever gave him before she disappeared. So is this part of where the au splits from canon? Or did Gabe really lie to his son’s face about the final days of his missing presumed dead mother in order to use guilt and loss as a cover for his supervillainy? Yes.)

She shoves all three in her bag and goes back to trying to find her husband. Eventually they find each other and make it back to (nominal) civilization. Just in time for Emilie to start a bout of daily puking.

~Yay!~

(What? Did you guys think I was going to break pattern? I am a creature _aggressively_ of habit)

Gabe reacts with the exact amount of calm and level-headedness as you’d expect. Read, none. He immediately hustles her to a hospital, decides that hospital’s crap, hustles her to a _better_ hospital, demands a full work up until they find what’s wrong with her and fix it, badgers the doctors when he feels they’re not working fast enough, attempts to demand _new_ doctors and eventually gets himself thrown **out** of said hospital.

It’s not a lethal wasting disease (yet anyway) it’s morning sickness!

Woo! Baby Adrien!!

The book and broaches get forgotten for a while after that.

~^~

On one hand life is good. Baby Adrien incoming, they’re gonna have a baby they’re gonna have a family. They are going to have a **_baby._**

On the other hand, life is… less good. They’re going to have a baby. Babies are expensive. They already burned through way more of their not-that-big-to-begin-with-savings with the Tibet trip. And then even more with Gabe’s little hospital freak-out. Being financially unstable was fine when they were just the two of them. It’s a lot less fine when there’s a baby on the way to take care of. Emilie came from a rich family but she also married… down. Starving artist is never a good look to class snobs regardless of the medium they work in. And **‘soulmate’** is hardly a proper justification. To rub it in even further Emilie chooses to _keep_ her inheritance right to the Grahan de Vanily rings. I’m not saying she’s _quite_ disinherited, but those rings are the most valuable things she brought with her to her marriage. Amelie, being the _kind, empathetic_ sister that she is, offers to help them out. In exchange for the rings. She and her own – far more suitable – husband are about to have their own son and really shouldn’t the _family_ rings stay with the more… _suitable_ half of the family? Emilie is willing to; those rings are important but her son is more so. Gabriel flatly refuses. (She loves Gabriel with all her heart. But he can be a little…prideful.)

They’ll figure it out. All they need is for Gabriel to get his one big break.

They’ll figure it out. They have to.

That’s when Emilie remembers what she found in Tibet. An old book probably won’t be that much help but the broaches… She didn’t look at them for very long but she remembers them being very striking. Maybe they could spark something with Gabriel.

She digs them out. A sleek, angular butterfly pin and an absolutely gorgeous peacock broach. She shows them to Gabriel and they do their job better than she could hope. Gabriel gets stuck with a wild bout of inspiration and starts designing like mad. Even better those designs start taking off. Big time. Within six months Gabriel is starting to make a real name for himself. Within a year Gabriel Agreste is the up-and-coming designer and they have a beautiful baby boy. Their precious Adrien.

Life is good. Really, really good.

Perfect even.

* * *

Life gets kinda busy after that. The book gets pushed to the back of Emilie’s mind. Parenting Adrien takes up a lot of energy and Gabriel’s so busy with his burgeoning fashion business. (She loves Gabriel so very much. But he can be a little… distracted sometimes.)

Gabriel is very protective over Adrien. He’s protective over both of them.

Convincing him that _yes they’ll be perfectly safe going for a walk to the park, yes she’ll be careful no nothing’s going to happen, yes she’s sure_ can be a bit of an event. He worries. A lot.

They make it work.

After all, they have the perfect life.

~^~

About a year after Adrien’s born she remembers the book. When she digs it out she finds it full of beautiful illustrations of ancient heroes and mystical beings. And jewelry. She recognizes both pins she found with the book. So they _are_ connected. The book’s also full of writing she can’t understand or find a translation for for the life of her. She’s going to keep trying though. It makes for an excellent hobby. Even still it’s very pretty and makes an excellent picture book to make up stories about for little Adrien.

* * *

Gabriel is, as stated, very protective. Emilie and Adrien’s weekly walk to the park was a hard-won victory. (There was the week she found out he’d had the fashion studio’s newly hired security guard (a nice if intimidatingly huge and silent man who lived up to his nickname of Gorilla) tail them. The fight went on for two and a half weeks and during that entire time even Emilie’s greetings were coolly angry.)

It’s during one such trip that Emilie first meets Fu.

Adrien is a precocious child, already not just walking but running. Okay, fast toddling but it’s still fast enough where if she turns away for a moment he’s already half a block away.

Emilie: “Adrien! Adrien sweetheart come back here!”

Baby Adrien: [freedom!! The wind in my hair and my diaper! Viva la France!!]

Emilie: [Gabriel’s so going to end up hearing about this and blowing it way out of proportion. watch this half a block blow up into ‘half of Paris’]

[Baby Adrien smacks straight into an old man with a cane. They both have about equal skill remaining upright.]

(alright so I lied about who

Emilie: [oh shit my kid just bulldozed a senior citizen] “Oh my god are you alright? [helps him up. we’re not just going to leave him on the _ground_ ] I’m so sorry! Adrien, what do we say?”

Baby Adrien: [holding out Fu’s cane with tiny chubby baby hands] “Sorwy.”

Fu: “It’s quite alright. The rambunctiousness of youth is something I only experience vicariously these days. It warms my heart to see a young man so full of energy and excitement.”

And that might have been it. Except for 5 very important things.

  1. Baby Adrien is excessively curious
  2. Emilie is soulmates with a fashion designer
  3. More importantly, Emilie is highly observant
  4. Master Fu wears the turtle miraculous
  5. Master Fu is as subtle as a flying brick



    Baby Adrien: [grabs at turtle bracelet] “Mama, Mama!”  
Emilie: “Sweetie don’t gra– hey I know that bracelet!”  
Fu: “No you don’t.”  
Emilie: “Yes I do. It goes with the little turtle hero.”  
Fu: “What turtle hero?”  
Emilie: “The one with the turtle spirit.”  
Fu: “What turtle spirit.”  
Emilie: “The one in the book I found.”  
Fu: “What book.”  
[processing]  
[processing]  
[process–  
Fu: “Wait. Book? _What book?”_

And that’s how Fu meets Emilie.

Emilie and Adrien get an invitation to tea at Master Fu’s next week. Well more accurately, the **_grimoire_** is invited to Master Fu’s. The humans are necessary transport and the tea is societally accepted bribery to get them there.

Fu’s already packed up everything non-visible in preparation for blowing popsicle stand as soon as he has the book. Won’t be the first time. Won’t even be the tenth. He’s left the miracle box gramophone out because he refuses to have it out of his sight. Emilie makes a bee-line for it as soon as they enter because she likes music. Fu reads a _looot_ more into it than that.

We’re going to crank his blood pressure _aaallll_ the way up.

They have tea. 

Emilie tells Fu about finding the book and broaches while in Tibet. (Fu has been noticing Gabriel’s distinctly peacock and butterfly themed fashion line and has been quietly freaking out over it for years.). Emilie brought the book. She did not bring the broaches. What? They’re Gabriel’s inspiration. He would notice if they were missing.

Fu’s stress levels spike even more.

At least you got the grimoire back?

Fu does his best to stonewall Emilie. Dude’s got a lot of practice at the telling no one anything ever. He could give Batman a run for his money for the title of Secretive Bastard. (Of course Bats still has him beat in intelligence… subtlety… intimidation… basically everything. Actually, no basically about it. Everything. Straight up.) Emilie in turns tries to ask about why the broaches don’t look they do in the book. From her questions Fu realizes both miraculouses are broken. (Yeah. We’re turning the single hit into a double.)

Oh. Fuck.

Fu is a (MOSTLY) trained Guardian. He (THEORETICALLY) knows how fix them. But first he has to be able to **get** to them.

Emilie is invited back for tea next week. Okay technically the **_miraculouses_** are invited back. Emilie and Adrien are necessary transport.

…

 _Both_ broken.

…

(Oh. **Fuck.** )

He is so not qualified to deal with this.

~^~

Emilie and Adrien come for a second week of tea. She still doesn’t bring the broaches. She would have, they’re Fu’s property. Gabe won’t give his inspiration away so easily without proof. (She loves Gabriel like nothing else. But he’s so very… stubborn.)

And besides Mr. Fu seemed to very much want to keep the whole thing private.

Fu tries to subtly feel out about the miraculous. He’s not above breaking and entering. 90% of his home is still packed and ready to go. And if push comes to shove he’s fled with just the miracle gramophone before.

What he finds out is that Gabriel Agreste is very newly rich and very paranoid protective of his family. (Is Emilie aware of what Fu’s doing and playing up how protected their home is? …maaaybe…)

Breaking into the Agreste home is _so_ far outside his competency level. He might as well fly to Gotham and try his luck with Wayne Manor. Career master thieves have run out of that place crying. A few even turned themselves into Gotham PD. (one even went all the way to Metropolis and turned himself in for a crime they didn’t even know about just so long as he could serve his time anywhere but Gotham.)

Emilie gets invited back for tea. Again.

Three guesses about how well that goes.

* * *

Like I said at the beginning, Fu Is Old.

He’s been the Guardian ever since he got everyone more qualified eaten. 160 years. And still in no way qualified to deal with any of it.

Emilie is kind and brave and helpful. Everything he would want to find in a potential new Guardian.

So after about a month of weekly teas, Master Fu explains about the miraculouses to her.

Oh.

Well that explains why he wants those those broaches back so badly.

{if you’re playing trope bingo and have a ‘guardian Emilie’ square I can’t decide if you’re cheating or just gaming the system _really_ well. Either way check it off. Remember, you were supposed to have made your bingo card _before_ beginning this chapter. If you haven’t, make one now and dock yourself 2 points. I’ll leave it up to ya’ll to decide what docking points looks like for bingo.}

* * *

Park time is permanently transformed into Guardian lessons. It’s the safest way to go about it. Gabriel will wonder if she starts disappearing all the time for mystery appointments. (She loves Gabriel, she truly does. But he can be just ever-so-slightly… controlling. Not on purpose! He just likes to know where they are. He worries.)

Since lessons happen during park time that means Baby Adrien gets to join them. Little Adrien is a ~~whirlwind~~ ~~hurricane~~ ~~destructive force of nature Fu is in no way prepared for~~ very energetic child. Fu introduces them both to Wayzz. Adrien introduces himself by trying to chew on him.

Emilie wants to meet the other kwamis. Fu disagrees. Emilie however is ~~immovable~~ ~~headstrong~~ ~~an indelible force of nature Fu is even less prepared for~~ persistent.

They meet the other kwamis.

A mental picture for you to consider today: toddler Adrien covered in kwamis, everyone smiling and just having a whee of a time.

Adrien immediately takes a shine to a certain friendly flying black cat.

Plagg would like the little drool monster to keep his grubby fingers away from him.

Tikki would like to point out if Plagg really wants to keep Adrien from grabbing him he wouldn’t keep flying so close to him. Or hissing away any other kwami who tries to get too close.

Plagg would like Sugarcube to _shut up_ now thank you very much.

~^~

Right so _teeechnically_ a Guardian isn’t supposed to wield a miraculous full-time like Fu does. He needed the help. (Look I went back to Backwarder to check a few things and canonically Fu has sent Wayzz to fetch Marinette for the great emergency of… losing his keys and locking himself out of his house. Yeah.)

But with Emilie he plans to do things _right._ Unlike canon where his candidate is a young teenager, they’ve only got a few months of snatched moments, and their primary focus is by necessity the looming shadow of the megalomaniac supervillain trying to destroy them this go around we’ve got a full-grown woman, years to work with, and no great forces trying to destroy everything in a bid to disrupt the very fabric of reality. So you know, just a generally all-around better guardian training experience.

~^~

Emilie finds out about Marianne. We’re solving that early. Emilie has some _opinions_ on Fu’s choice of ‘oh I’ve been in Paris for a few **years** now and nothing’s changed to make anything worse or more dangerous than when we were together if anything it’s safer because hey! No Nazis! But I **still** never came back for you or even tried to contact you in any way **whatsoever.**

Yeah.

Adrien gains a new kickass grandma to go with his weird doddering magical grandpa.

~^~

Now that Emilie knows what’s going on she’s much more invested in getting the broaches back to Master Fu.

However there’s still the problem of doing so without Gabriel realizing what’s going on. Fu has been **_very_** clear about the importance of secrets.

Her eventual plan is to make copies of them and swap them out.

Copies that will stand up to a professional fashion designer.

Who has obsessively studied those two broaches for years now.

And continues to do so constantly.

Well.

This plan is doomed to failure.

~^~

One morning she wakes up hours before dawn. Gabriel is still asleep beside her. Of course he is, it’s not even four am. She tries to go back to sleep but can’t.

Since she’s already up she might as well check on the peacock and butterfly miraculouses.

So normal miraculous you pick them up or open their special boxes or even look sideways at them hard enough the kwami’ll pop out. But broken miraculous are harder to wake up. Otherwise they would have years ago when she found them in Tibet.

But now she knows what they really are. That’s different.

Cue Duusu and Nooroo.

    Emilie: [tiny startled shriek] “What the hell you didn’t wake up before!!”

Remember kiddies, Gabriel and Emilie are soulmates. You probably wouldn’t wake up from a muffled shriek three rooms away through very thick walls but you probably would if that same shriek happens directly inside your skull.

 _Wha– **Emilie!!!**_  


    Emilie: “Oh no. Gabriel’s awake.”  
Duusu: “Another friend?”  
Emilie: “No! I mean yes!! But -Secret. Hide.”  
[kwamis just barely manage to hide]  
[Gabriel bursts into the room with a _Mighty Cry of Protection_ wielding a roll of corduroy]  
[awkward staring contest]  
Emilie: “I thought I saw a… spider?”  
Gabriel: “But. You’ve never been afraid of spiders.”  
Emilie: “Well this one scared me.”  
Gabriel: “But. There _isn’t_ any spider.”  
Emilie: “Well I thought there was. And it scared me. But there’s nothing so we’re all fine now.”  
Gabriel: “Are you…”  
Emilie: “Am I what?”  
Gabriel: “Are we…?” [waves his hands vaguely in the air like that’s supposed to make even the slightest bit of sense]  
Emilie: “Are we _what?”_  
Gabriel: “Is Adrien… [finish a goddamn sentence Gabe. Please.] …about to be a big brother?”  
Emilie: “…what.”  
Gabriel: “You had a lot of mood swings while you were pregnant and you’ve never been afraid of spiders before so…” [more vague handwaving. Emoting. It’s not something he’s moved out of yet.]  
Emilie: [very heroically doesn’t point out that she didn’t have nearly as many mood swings as Gabriel had paranoia swings.] “I’m not pregnant.”  
Gabriel: “But–”  
Emilie: “It was a spider. It was dark, I was tired. I’m allowed to scream at spiders sometimes. I’m sorry if I scared you. Why don’t we go back to bed?”  
Gabriel: “But- Hey why are you holding the broaches?”  
Emilie: [hastily sets miraculous down] “Nothing. Just reminiscing. Come on. Bed. Sleep. You’re seeing things, I’m seeing things. Next thing you know we’ll be spreading it to Adrien and no one wants that.”  
Smooth Emilie. Really smooth.

~^~

Emilie tells Fu about her early morning meeting. Fu’s still trying to do this whole training thing ‘right’ but they can’t get Duusu and Nooroo away yet, which _technically_ puts them in the custody of his apprentice. And actually wielding a broken miraculous is an awful idea. Like the absolute worst. Like full stop no contest it can and will literally kill you bad idea. But just keeping them company…

Two miraculous. Two Agrestes in on the secret…

    Adrien: “No! Plagg!”  
Plagg: “Try giving my kid to any other kwami and I’ll cataclysm your face off.”  
Marianne: “Oh just let the boy have his cat Fu. We all know it’s where the ring’s going to end up anyway.”

Adrien gets the black cat miraculous _early_ in this au.

You can’t have the black cat active without the ladybug. Those two need to balance. To do otherwise is to risk ~ _grave consequences._ ~

Emilie likes Tikki well enough. She’s sweet. But she doesn’t have some great bond with her. But there’s a balance that needs to be kept. So Emilie ends up not with the Peacock or the Butterfly but with the Ladybug.

At least until Adrien’s true partner can be found.

    Bonus:

    Emilie: “Now Adrien, you’re allowed to keep the ring but you’re **not** allowed to wield it. _No transformations._ Not until you’re older. And certainly not without adult supervision. Do you understand me young man?”  
Adrien: “I understand Mama.”  
Emilie: “You’re a good boy Adrien. Now I’ve got to go have a… talk with your father about your schedule. You two have fun playing.”  
[Emilie leaves]  
Plagg: [literally the second she leaves] “What are you waiting for kid? Say the magic words and let’s try out your transformation.”  
Adrien: “But I just told Mama I wouldn’t.”  
Plagg: “Yeah but who cares?”  
Adrien: “Mama says you shouldn’t say things you don’t mean. And Papa says I should always do whatever he and Mama say.”  
Plagg:…  
Adrien:…  
Plagg: “I’m going to have my work cut out breaking you out of your goody-two-shoes streak, aren’t I? Can we at least sneak into the kitchen and get some cheese?”

Plagg likes cheese. That’s easy enough to get.

Tikki likes cookies. 

Emilie is determined to find the best cookies possible for her. There’s a patisserie near the park she used to take Adrien, back before park time was a cover. They have the best chocolate chip cookies

And as a bonus they have a daughter whose just Adrien’s age.

{This isn’t just an au for who’s Guardian. That’s the big one, the title one. But it’s not the only. So pull out those bingo cards and check off ‘childhood friends’ if you have it.}

* * *

When Adrien was still a small wee thing Gabriel makes his first foray into children’s fashion. Baby Adrien models the smallest outfit. At the time it’s a great way to spend time with Adrien even while Gabriel has to work.

As Adrien gets older he continues to model Gabriel’s fashion line. Emilie gets ever so less enthused about it with every new shoot.

Emilie and Gabriel have several… differences of opinion on how to parent Adrien. Differences like:

  * Modeling. How much is too much? Is it really healthy for Adrien to be that much in the public eye that young? Does he _really_ like modeling or is he just pretending to please them?
  * Schooling. Emilie thinks public school. Gabriel’s digs his feet in on homeschooling. Emilie suggests the compromise of private school. Gabe doesn’t understand the idea of ‘compromise’.
  * Friends. Adrien’s cousin Félix is his age. As is the mayor’s daughter. As far as Gabriel’s concerned that’s more than enough uncontrollable elements in Adrien’s life. Emilie would like to shoot for a _few_ more friends than Félix – who lives in another country – and Chloé – who’s… Chloé.
  * Hobbies. If he’s not going to go to school he needs a social support structure somewhere. Emilie suggests trying a bit of everything. Gabriel counters with Fencing and language classes.
  * Free Time. Emilie thinks it should live up to its name. Gabriel thinks she’s out of her _damn mind_. She wants to let their precious baby out into the big. scary, dangerous world **_alone?_**

They’ll make it work.

After all, they have a perfect family.

(Don’t they?)

~^~

Marinette pops into Adrien’s life right in the middle of one of those arguments. Emilie casually ‘forgets’ to tell Gabriel about Adrien’s brand new bakery friend.

Marinette introduces Adrien to Nino who latches onto him every inch as fast as he did in canon. They both introduce him to some of the others, like Kim, who secures his friendship by challenging Adrien to a dare, and Alix who secures her friendship when she bails Adrien out by taking the dare on herself.

There’s no real reason to tell Gabriel about all Adrien’s new friends. Emilie’s going to win this argument by coming at it sideways.

~^~

Marinette has a soulmate too! It’s so nice to be able to watch young soulmates in love. What’s their name dear?

…umm…

Emilie, allow me to introduce Marinette’s Magical Mystery Soulmate. He’s kind of an asshole.

Marinette’s still on the last gasps of blind adoration. Her parents very much are not.

Emilie steps in as an older mentor figure for soulmate issues. Marinette goes to her with all her soulmate troubles. Well, _almost_ all. She doesn’t mention the ripped out page in her soulmate journal. _~~he’s killed someone~~._ Some things, she already knows, should stay secret.

Emilie takes to helping Marinette with MMS with gusto. First task: getting a damn name out of him.

(That had better be a long-term goal. You haven’t met him yet Emilie. Out boy is **STUBBORN.** )

* * *

And now we shall skip forward a bit. Emilie continues to visit periodically with Duusu and Nooroo. She also finishes her fake miraculouses!

    Emilie: [brandishing the fake miraculouses] “Ta da! What do you think?”  
Duusu:…  
Nooroo:…  
Tikki:…  
Emilie: “…They’re horrible aren’t they?”  
[Yes they are]  
Duusu: “absolutely awf– [Tikki elbows Duusu] –oof!”  
Tikki: “They’re an excellent… First attempt.”  
Tikki:…  
Tikki: “Maybe we should start thinking about other plans. Just in case.”  
Emilie: “We’re doomed.”  
Gabriel: [walking in fiddling with a tablet] “That scarf is simply atrocious I’ll have to fix that before… Oh hello love what are you doing in he- _re_ HOLY FUCK WHAT ARE THOSE!?!”  
[Tikki managed to hide. Duusu and Nooroo did **not** ]  
Nooroo:[waves nervously]  
Gabriel: [shoving his way in front of Emilie] “Stand back! _I’ll_ protect you!!”  
Emilie: “Gabriel–”  
Duusu: [flies up to Gabriel] “Hi there!”  
Gabriel: [chucks the tablet at him] “OH GOD IT TALKS!”  
Emilie: “Dearest–”  
Gabriel: “Stay behind me Emilie. We don’t know what these _things_ are.”  
Emilie: “ _Gabriel._ Duusu and Nooroo are **_friends._** ”  
Gabriel: “What.”  
Duusu: “Yay! New friends!!”

So.

Methinks we need to explain a thing or two to Gabriel.

…

~Yaay!~

Emilie explains about Duusu and Nooroo. About accidently waking them up. About how their miraculouses are apparently broken so they should all **_never attempt to use them ever._**

    Gabriel: “I… see.”  
Emilie: [oh thank goodness that’s one crisis averted.]  
Gabriel: “And why are you holding the world’s worst cheep knock offs of them?”

So.

Methinks we need to explain a thing or two _more_ to Gabriel.

…

~Yaaay!~

Emilie explains about the miraculous in general. She very carefully explains about guardianship and her… future… place… as the next Guardian of the Miraculous?

_HOLY HELL_ does that spark a fight.

(Even once she explains everything she doesn’t tell him about Tikki or the Grimoire. She trusts Gabriel. But. Some things are strictly Guardian business.)

(She also doesn’t tell him about Plagg.)

~~(She trusts Gabriel. But not with this.)~~

Years from now the batfam will be comparing first meetings of non-enemies, topping each other for the title of worst. Tim will start strong with meeting Damian and getting stabbed by his new baby brother. Cass will counter with her introduction by way of fight with Bruce. Tim will fire back with meeting Jason and getting shot by his former idol. Jason will counter with his side of that first meeting with Tim, claiming he had it worse, which will devolve into bickering. Damian will double up on it, also citing his first meeting with Tim. Steph will jump on the razzing Tim dogpile, claiming her own first meeting with him. Marinette will pose the philosophical question of whether Talia counts as a non-enemy. Adrien will argue in the name of his grandpa Fu for Fu’s first meeting with Gabriel. Adrien’s entry will be unanimously be declared both the winner and disqualified for technical reasons.

But that’s years from now.

~^~

So. I could talk about the massive endless fights (one rolling straight into another with a serious snowball effect for good measure) or Gabriel’s first meeting with Fu where Gabriel took a swing at Fu (Emilie’s never seen the violent side of her husband before) and Marianne took her own swing back or the three weeks Fu spends frantically packing everything back up while Marianne and Adrien unpack it as soon as he’s not looking or the insane research binge Gabriel goes on (much less effective without the grimoire but he is _determined_ ) but that would end up being a tangled not very fun to read or write mess so instead we shall mentally substitute it with a primal scream or five.

Instead let’s talk about the happier news that comes from that period of time.

Liiiike… Marinette meeting the kwamis.

Plagg is Plagg. He’s a competent ancient being of great power under all his buffoonery but neither is that idiocy a façade. With no Hawkmoth (yet?) and Tikki distracted by Emilie and Gabriel’s fights it’s super easy for him to slip up and accidentally reveal himself to Marinette. Cue some high-pitched squeaking and some _very_ fast talking from Emilie to Tom and Sabine.

Since she’s already met Plagg she might as well meet Tikki. Tikki adores her already and that fondness only grows stronger now that she can actually talk to her rather than just ~~spy~~ _~~covertly observe~~_ okay, **spy** on Marinette. ~~~~

The Agrestes’ visits to the Dupain-Cheng house gain two more (officially acknowledged) guests. (well, acknowledged by Marinette. Tom and Sabine are as oblivious as ever.)

It’s a bright spot in hard times.

~^~

Another less bright but still point of note during all this is that Gabriel hires a personal assistant.

Nathalie Sancoeur is a dedicated worker, a grade A personal assistant, willing to work all hours, day or night, possibly a mind-reader by how well she does her job, and more than a little infatuated with Gabriel. Emilie frets about her. She doesn’t want to see the poor woman invest too much into her crush and get her heart broken.

The trope of ‘rich, powerful man and lovestruck assistant’ should be brought up here if only so we can immediately strike it down. Emilie never even considers that side of it. Even at the _peak_ of ‘marital problems’ Gabriel only ever has eyes for Emilie. She’s literally half of his soul. Why would he ever need to look elsewhere, let alone want to?

~^~

Gabriel finally – calms down in inaccurate but we’ll go with that anyway. He does end up getting distracted briefly from his residual – panic? anger? fear? controlling tendencies running rampant? – everything by the news that the peacock and butterfly miraculous aren’t supposed to look like how they do. Emilie provides drawings of how they look when not broken – source: ‘Master Fu’s memory’ because again she isn’t telling him about the grimoire. Gabe is as fascinated by their unbroken forms as he is horrified of Emilie’s truly appalling fakes of their broken forms.

~^~

The peacock and butterfly miraculous get returned to their proper place in the custody of the Guardian. Now Fu’s staring down the _actual_ task of fixing both broken miraculouses.

( _SOOO far out of his competency level_ )

He can do this.

…

You know what? Now seems like an _excellent_ time to officially pass on the title of Guardian to Emilie and shift into an advisory role.

~^~

Achievement Unlocked! Guardian Emilie Agreste!

Achievement Unlocked! Repaired Peacock Miraculous!

Achievement Unlocked! Repaired Butterfly Miraculous!

* * *

You know who we’ve been really neglecting in this Marinette/Damian story so far? Damian.

That’s mainly because we’re still in the League Years. Damian’s still exactly where he was during _Every Morning_ , stuck in the hellscape that was his early childhood, desperately trying to stay alive, clinging to Marinette’s greetings and even more desperately trying to hide her.

Damian remains pointedly apathetic towards Adrien the same way he remains pointedly apathetic towards Nino. They were important only so far as they were important to his Marinette. He can’t _afford_ to care past that.

This version of Marinette is much more persistent in her quest for a name. She’s got Emilie to help her craft arguments.

It’s the day before Marinette’s ninth birthday when she asks that for her birthday could he please give her a name – any name, it doesn’t have to be his real one, just _something_ – that Damian breaks.

He gives her his real name.

(Just his first name though. Because secrets)

He **immediately regrets.**

Like telling her about his first kill level of regret.

Whelp! Too late to fix that now!!

~^~

Damian turns ten gets sent to the Bat.

He has his orders: the distracting, the undermining.

He has his failing to fit in: the stabbing, the fighting, the failing again ( ~~not good enough~~ )

He still doesn’t tell Marinette everything in Ancient Sumerian. Except this time he’s dead convinced she’s going to figure even that out any day. She’s got a mentor who is ruthless. And Damian’s mental association of ‘ruthless’ is a lot more hardcore than a normal non demon-assassin-baby’s.

~^~

So in _Every Morning_ Marinette detectives out where MMS lives way before she has a name. It’s only after he, you know, _dies_ –and comes back but ~ehh~, that’s neither here nor there – that she gets to learn who he is, figure out _who he is,_ silently freak out over her soulmate being a billionaire, and research the hell out of the Waynes.

Here though, she has his name _first._ And she has Emilie Which adds up to Marinette excitedly telling Emilie and Adrien that she’s figured out that Damian lives in Gotham. Mari only figured it out a few hours ago and hasn’t put all the pieces together yet but Emilie’s spent basically her entire life in society’s upper circles. She instantly knows who he is.

It’s not like Bruce Wayne’s ten-year-old, only recently moved to Gotham lovechild has been all anyone in those circles could talk about for months now or anything.

    Emilie: “Darling, you’re right Adrien _should_ take that photo shoot in New York  
Gabriel: “Umm…”  
Emilie: “I have a few things I need to do here with Fu so I’ll meet you two there. Don’t worry about booking a ticket for me Nathalie I’ll handle it.”
    Emilie: “Fu, Marianne, I’ll be in America for a bit just a heads up I’ll see you when I get back!”  
Fu: “But the miracle box–”  
Emilie: “Don’t worry I’ll take it with me later!”
    Emilie: “Tom, Sabine. I’m going to America for a few days for a photo shoot of Adrien’s. I know how much Marinette loves fashion and since it’s going to line up with her school break so I was wondering what you would think of coming with me.  
Tom: “I don’t know if we can close the bakery down for that many days.”  
Emilie: “If you can’t I could watch over her. It would be such a good chance for her to see how a fashion shoot works.”  
Sabine: “She’s already seen Adrien’s fashion shoots here, in _France_ , so what’s the real reason?”  
Emilie: “Well you see…”

* * *

It’s late one Saturday morning when the doorbell to Wayne Manor rings. When Alfred answers it he’s met with a blond woman and two children. “May I help you Madam?”

Emilie smiles. “Hello there,” she says, using skills honed from years of growing up navigating high society to push her way past the butler and into the foyer, sweeping the kids in with her. “My name is Emilie Agreste. This is my son, Adrien, and his friend, Marinette. We came to see Bruce Wayne and his son.”

Poor Adrien’s been on edge ever since swept both of them away after the last round of photo shoots this morning with a wink and the promise of a secret adventure. Marinette started vibrating with excitement as soon she realized they were entering Gotham but has only gotten more and more confused as they headed not for the city proper but Wayne Manor. Throughout this whole thing Tikki has been pointedly silent, expressing her disapproval of Emilie’s choice to keep the whole thing a secret from everyone through as cold a shoulder as she could manage. Plagg by contrast has been gleefully celebrating the chance to drag Adrien into any form of rule-breaking and chaos. Emilie should probably be more concerned about that but whatever. She can resume being a good parent tomorrow. Today about true love, soulmates, and most importantly being the coolest unofficial godmother _ever._

“I’m afraid that’s not possible without knowing who you are.” She has to give him credit, he’s one of the best she’s ever seen when it came to stopping her but at the end of the day there was only so much he could do without physically grabbing her, which gave her the edge. 

“I just told you, I am Emilie Agreste and this is my son and his friend.”

Alfred steps in front of her, blocking her path. When she tries to sidestep he moves with her. Now the onus is on her to physically move him or admit defeat. “I’m afraid a name alone is not enough Madam.”

What already promises to be an etiquette stand-off of epic proportions gets cut off before it can truly get started by the arrival of Bruce.

“Alfred? What’s going on?”

“A Mrs. Emilie Agreste to see you.” Alfred said, turning to look at Bruce. “She was _most_ insistent.”

Bruce holds out a hand doing his best not to wince. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Agreste. I knew you and your sister were twins but I must say the resemblance is truly striking.” He’s met Amelie a more than once over the years. She’d always been very eager to cultivate a friendship with the Wayne family. The last time he’d seen her, making a way towards him at a party he’d pretended to be drunk and knocked a drunk socialite into three other patrons in order to get away. He was only slightly ashamed of it. He did what he had to at the time.

“What brings you to my home so unexpectedly?”

“The pleasure’s all mine. But I’m actually here for your son. Or well, Marinette and Adrien are here for him.” She motions to the kids with a smile, stressing Marinette’s name ever so slightly. “I’m just here as transport.”

Any societally obligated pleasantry vanishes at the mention of his son. “What do you want.” He normally doesn’t pull out his batman voice for vapid social climbers but he’ll make an exception for anyone who tries to use his family, **his _children_** to do so.

She steps closer, lowering her voice so the two children wouldn’t hear her. “I know Damian can be a little… shy and maybe I should have called ahead and confirmed with you but I just wanted to give Damian and Marinette a surprise–” The kitchen door opens and there’s the sound of footsteps growing closer.

Bruce grabs her arm – gently, for all he _wants_ to physically **throw** her out of his house for trying to use his children as pawns. “It’s time for you to leave.” Damian had been outside playing with his new dog. He’d been letting himself act like a normal _child_ for once and Bruce wasn’t about to let this harpy ruin it. “Now.”

“Father?” Damian rounds the corner, stepping into the foyer. Bruce winces. Too late.

Marinette goes stock still the second she hears Damian’s voice. She steps around Adrien and then stops, staring wide-eyed at him. “Damian?”

Now it’s Damian’s turn to go stock still. _“M-Marinette?”_

Marinette’s trembling hands wrap themselves into her skirt. She twists the red material between her fingers before releasing it, hands fluttering as she tries to brush her bangs away from her blushing face. “Bonjour Damian.”

Like a spell has been broken Damian suddenly bursts back into motion. He crosses the entryway almost too fast to follow. His hands come up to grab her only to stop at the last second leaving them hovering awkwardly half an inch above her shoulders. “What are you _doing_ here?”

“I– Adrien’s… fashion… shoot? I told you about it?”

“That was in _New York._ Not **_Gotham._** ” Damian’s still staring at her like she’ll disappear the second he looks away and he’s not sure whether he should hope she does or not, face getting paler and paler with each second. Marinette reaches up and touches one on his hands with her own and he clings to it like a lifeline only to drop it a few seconds later.

“Well!” Emilie says clapping her hands together. “I think I see a sitting room just through that door. Why don’t you three go in there and talk,” she gently pushes all three children through the door, “While we go to the kitchen for some coffee and give the _three of them_ ” – she stresses that part as a warning just in case Plagg felt like sticking around and spying – “some privacy?” She loops her arm through Bruce’s and starts tugging him in the probable direction of the kitchen, catching the butler’s sleeve as she goes. She desperately wants to watch – and videotape – the whole thing but sometimes you need to give kids space.

As soon as they make it to the kitchen Alfred starts making tea almost on instinct. Bruce meanwhile turns toward Emilie feeling like he’s missed a step. It’s not a common feeling for Gotham’s finest detective to have. He decidedly doesn’t like it.

Emilie clings to her teacup as soon as it’s offered to her. “First meetings between soulmates are such wonderful things aren’t they?” she babbles into the silence. “Especially at that age.”

“I’m sorry, _soulmates?”_

Emilie blinks. “Yes. Of course.”

“What do soulmates have to do with anything?”

“Mr. Wayne,” Emilie says slowly, “Are you trying to say Damian didn’t tell you about his soulmate?”

“Are you trying to say he _has one?”_

_Oh boy._

“Yes.” She points over her shoulder in the vague direction of where they came from. “Marinette. It’s why we’re… here oh my goodness I’m so sorry. I thought you _knew._ That’s why I– I never would have barged in like this if I knew you didn’t know.”

Bruce sits down. Hard.

“A soulmate. He never said–” He glances wildly up at Alfred for help but the older man looks just as lost as he is. “He never said _anything._ ”

“I’m sorry,” Emilie says again. “I swear I never would have come if I thought you didn’t know. He’s always been so secretive about everything for as long as Adrien and I have known Marinette – he didn’t even give her his name until they were nine. And then, when he moved here and I realized who he was I thought– It might be nice for them to be able to meet. I’m sorry. I know he only recently moved in with you and I don’t know where he lived before but–”

“He grew up with his mother,” Bruce fills in, mouth working on autopilot. Suddenly what he just said clicks in with what he’s learned. He shoots straight up. “Oh god, Talia.”

Oh God.

_Ra’s._

It’s at that exact moment that Adrien bursts into the kitchen babbling frantically about how Damian’s reaction to Marinette is less joy and more edging into panic attack.

Bruce sprints to the front sitting room, heedless of everyone else hot on his heels. _“It’s not **safe.** ”_ he hears Damian say and he puts on a burst of speed, throwing the door open.

Damian spins to face the door as soon as it opens, throwing a knife and pulling a second one out, poised to strike, Marinette pushed behind him, in the space of a single breath. Bruce manages to deflect the blade with a nearby book before it can impale him or any of the people behind him. Damian straightens as soon as he registers who it is who came in. If he was pale before now he looks like a ghost. Bruce is honestly afraid he’s about to collapse.

“Father.”

Damian has no idea how the explain the danger Marinette’s in to her. Or to Father. He’s terrified that Marinette’s here and wishes she would leave and is _terrified_ that she’ll leave and has no clue how his father will react to any of this and has no idea how explain anything, especially since the room is full of _civilians,_ one of which is **_Marinette–_**

That’s when the tiny floating cat pops through the floor and says, “So did you guys know you have Batman living in your basement?”

And that’s the point where things get _really_ wild.

    Adrien: [hissing, trying to be both subtle and quiet and failing wildly at both] _”Plagg! What are you doing?”_  
Plagg: “Whaaaat? I was booorrred! Emilie wouldn’t let me stay and spy on you guys and the kitchen didn’t have any good cheese! [floats straight over to Alfred] How can a kitchen that fancy not have any good _cheeeeeeesssssseeeeeee?????”_  
Tikki: [phasing into the room and grabbing Plagg] “Plagg! What are you _doing?”_ [realizes she’s in a room full of people who are all staring at her. Freezes.] “Um…”  
Plagg: “Hah! You screwed up as bad as I did this time Sugarcube!”  
Emilie: _“Plagg. Tikki.”_  
Tikki and Plagg: [oh crap. That’s the scary Guardian/Mom Voice]

So.

_Civilians_ might be a misnomer.

Just a bit.

Batman meets the kwamis.

{Batman meets the kwamis. Batfam meets the kwamis}

Emilie gives an abbreviated rundown of the miraculous and guardianhood and all that jazz.

     Plagg: “Seriously though, he’s got an entire cave of bat-stuff down there.”

Bruce give a more abbreviated rundown of the batfam. Marinette has only a –minor– freak-out moment over learning her soulmate’s a superhero.

Damian gives a _super_ abbreviated rundown of the whole League of Assassins/Soulmate situation. Like ‘my mother’s not a good person and my grandfather’s worse and being my soulmate could put you in literal danger if they ever found out’ and that’s it levels of abbreviated. He’ll give a better explanation to Marinette and a full explanation to Bruce later but he’s not about to explain all of it with outsiders, no matter how close they are to Mari.

But that’s a problem to solve not tonight.

Tonight is for properly meeting the soulmate literally no one knew Damian even had.

Let’s tell the rest of the batfam!

Suddenly Alfred goes from making dinner for just himself, Bruce and Damian to preparing dinner for _everyone_ plus three, plus two mini-gods.

Steph, who arrives first, gets to park herself at the front door and gleefully announce to everyone when they arrive that “Damian’s soulmate is way out of his league and her godmother’s magic and her best friend/basically brother is bonded to a chaos god. Also Ra’s wants to kill her.”

When I say everyone, I mean it. Even Comissioner Gordon, who doesn’t have a single clue what’s going on past a text from his daughter telling him to get to Wayne Manor and bring with him the best cheese he could find.

    Plagg: “I smell cheese! [divebombing the box _still in Gordon’s hands_ ] Oh sweet gooey delicious goodness!”  
Gordon: [startling and only managing not to swear by virtue of years of dealing with the bats]  
Plagg: [after eating half the box] “Hey, why no cookies for sunshine?”  
Alfred: [materializing out of nowhere] “Miss Tikki has frequent access to a world class French patisserie. I’m not subjecting her to _store bought biscuits._ Not when I have a perfectly acceptable batch of chocolate chip already in the oven baking.”  
Plagg: “Huh. You’re alright, you know that?”  
Gordon: [still staring at Plagg, who’s _still_ eating 500 times his body weight in brie and gouda] “Whatever’s going on better have one hell of an explanation.”  
Steph: “Oh good! You’ve appeased the chaos god!”  
Gordon: “…I’m going home.”  
Steph: “Aww Uncle Jim don’t be like that!”
    Bonus: Adrien: “Maman, Does Père know we’re here?”  
Emilie: “I left a note.”  
Marinette: “oh god.”  
Adrien: “He’s going to tear every inch of New York apart before he even finds that note.”  
Bruce: “I’ll call him. Spring ‘Brucie’ on him.”  
Emilie: “Thank you, that’d be very appreciated.”  
Bruce: “Of course. And Marinette’s parents…?”  
Emilie: “They couldn’t leave the bakery for that long. I can give you their phone numbers if you like?”  
Bruce: “Thank you Marinette. That would be just perfect.”

~^~

So that happens.

Mari, Adrien and Emilie spend the night in the manor. Damian explains the L of A’s… unique approach to soulmates. Cue the batfam closing ranks. Damian is one of theirs and so is his soulmate by way of transitive property. Quickest way to make something personal for all of them. (Hell, this might even help jumpstart those brotherly feelings between Dami and Tim early. Nothing says ‘not just a murderbot’ like an adorable soulmate he clearly loves and is freaking out over.)

Talia and the League still don’t know about Mari yet. Which means we have time for Bruce to come up with a proper plan for getting Marinette protection and keeping her safe. We might even be able to do this go around with no bloodshed on that front! Wouldn’t that be something?

Marinette gets looped into the conversation. Damian’s plan to edit and not explain everything goes straight out the window when Marinette calmly points out she’s known Damian’s killed people since he first did back when they were four. (watch the ‘badass estimation meter’ shoot straight up in the baby birds’ heads.)

Gabriel arrives in the morning. He gets told nothing about Batman. In fact he gets the full Brucie treatment. Everything gets smoothed over with that uniquely cheerful bulldozer technique Bruce has perfected down to a vacantly grinning art.

Eventually they have to go home. Gabriel somehow ends up with a very large commission from the Waynes for full outfits for everyone for the next very public gala. Emilie gets a new friend. Adrien gets the full Wayne contact list as well as a note slipped to him from Tim telling him to call any time if he ever needs someone to talk about his father – _seriously, Any Time._ The batfam gets all the Dupain-Chengs’ phone numbers, as well as Emilie’s and Adrien’s. Marinette gets the full Wayne contact list as well as a good chunk of JL numbers. Everyone else pointedly wanders over to the cars to give Damian and Marinette some privacy for their goodbye.

{no kiss. put those cards away. they are ten, just met, and most importantly are both nervous disasters}

And then it’s back home.

* * *

Marinette calls Damian pretty much the moment she gets home. Damian immediately ditches dinner to answer it as soon as he sees who it is. Both sets of adults let it slide this one time. That pretty much sets the tone for their long-distance communications. 

What follows is a few months where everything is pretty much great.

Perfect even.

* * *

And now we reach year eleven.

Or, as an alternative title:

THE YEAR EVERYTHING GOES TO **ABSOLUTE SHIT**

It starts when magic users come to Paris. Which wouldn’t be so much of a problem except they:



  1. know about the miracle box
  2. want the miracle box
  3. are willing to kill for it



So _that’s_ a problem.

Emilie calls Batman. It’s nice to have some professional capes in your corner, isn’t it? Bats makes some calls to all the magic users he knows. No one’s got a bead on these guys. Which probably means and entirely different wheelhouse that does not socialize or play well with others or reckless and therefore dangerous amateurs. Or both!

The batfam start rotating into Paris, lending a hand. Usually just one or two at a time to try to keep a low profile (yeah right. That’s not happening.) It’s a bit of a tug-of-war between Damian wanting to be in the Paris fight full-time and the combination of him being eleven, having responsibilities in Gotham, being _eleven_ , not being the most subtle, _really_ not wanting to risk drawing the L of A’s attention to how much he cares about Paris (and a certain person in it), and the fact that he keeps getting distracted by Marinette. So he makes the rounds _sometimes._

The whole mess is a bit like a combination of hide and seek and whack-a-mole. Track down one, keep tracking when you lose them, keep tracking even _more_ , finally find their hidey hole, have a new one pop up immediately after.

    Hood: “How many of these fuckers are there?”  
Red Robin: “Didn’t we deal with that one last week?”  
Hood: “Fuck no. I put somebody down, they _stay_ down.”  
Red Robin: “No no. I remember the tattoo. And the cackling. Sounds like he swallowed a kazoo.”  
Hood: “…fuck you’re right.”

It’s also hindered by the whole ‘there’s technically nothing to arrest them on’ thing. And the whole ‘actively hostile relationship with Paris law enforcement despite their best efforts’ thing. Probably because of the whole ‘French politicians increasing displeasure at all the foreign heroes’ thing.

~^~

The coven starts trying to track Fu down. And they’re getting way too close for comfort.

Fu and Marianne are forced to flee Paris for fear of getting caught and revealing the current guardian. The batfam offers to spirit them away but they choose to go it alone, preferring vanishing entirely. If there’s no trail and they leave now before the coven puts all the pieces together maybe someday they can come back. It’s a long shot and they all know it. More likely than not this is goodbye for good.

(okay, Adrien’s losing his grandparents and Marianne’s a bit of a hit, but _tactically_ is losing Fu really that much of a loss?)

~^~

The batfam keep trying to help.

And then all at once they have their own problems to deal with.

So.

Heretic.

He still happens.

Damian fights and he bleeds and he _bleeds out_ and his last thought is of Marinette and–

and–

~~(and nothing. He’s gone.)~~

Dick knocks on the Dupain-Cheng’s door two days after it happens. The final part of the fight wasn’t publicized. Marinette hasn’t even had a chance to truly start worrying yet. There’s a message on Bruce’s phone asking if Damian was working a case that had him busy. There’s a message on Damian’s asking him to call her back. When she woke up that morning she greeting Damian by chiding him for his poor sleeping habits.

And then Dick shows up.

And the world falls apart.

~^~

For a while grief pushes out everything else. Marinette and her family along with Emilie and Adrien fly to Gotham for the funeral.

Adrien’s barely holding it together.

Marinette’s not holding it together at all.

Nino volunteers his services as official shoulder to cry on.

Tom and Sabine try to keep their corner of the world turning.

Emilie and Bruce try to keep the rest of the world spinning.

~^~

Bruce gets into one hell of a fight with Talia.

Swords are drawn, blood is drawn, fists meet faces and Bruce is not afraid to hit a woman. The fight really gets nasty when they stop fighting with fists and start fighting with words.

Guess what Talia? Damian had a soulmate.

Bruce tells her just nothing about Damian’s Magical Mystery soulmate, not a name, not an age, not a location, not a gender, not whether Damian’s ever met them in person. Nothing. The full extent of what he tells her is Damian had a soulmate and fuck you that’s all you’re getting they’d Damian’s soulmate and he loved them, isn’t that enough for you?

Talia’s still spiraling from guilt for her role in Damian’s death so it’s easy to get an agreement out of her.

Marinette’s safe from the League of Assassins.

For all the good it does now.

~^~

Things on the bat side of things are only getting worse. Suddenly Darkside is back and they need all hands on deck but they can’t just leave Emilie on her own–

Emilie pushes them to go. It’s been quiet here for a while, she can handle things here by herself, it’ll only be for a little while– _Go._ Go help the others. They need you more.

And that’s the point where things get _really_ bad.

The coven gets tired of lurking in the shadows and launches an attack.

If they were tired of the long, slow fight, this is the way to speed things up. Because the next 24 hours are a _trip._

The ball’s in team miraculous’s court. Emilie really misses having Fu and Marianne to talk things over with. Tikki’s got some ideas but all of them clash pretty heavily with Emilie’s family first focus. Gabriel’s got a lot of ideas and he’s making every last one of them heard.

The coven gears up for a second attack.

Adrien makes the first move.

“Plagg! Claws Out!”

Guess who’s finally ready to break some rules?

Chat Noir’s out and about, prowling the night, ready to cause some chaos and misfortune for some magicians.

    Chat Noir: “WHOOO!!! This is _AWSOME!!!!”_

He gets in over his head almost _immediately._

An hour into the very public, very messy, _very_ destructive fight a woman in red and black joins the fray. She pulls basically just grabs Chat Noir and yoinks out of there.

But not before one of the magic users gets some _very_ important hits in.

{alternate ladybug wielder}

    Chat’s in trou~ble.  
Emilie: “Give me the ring.”  
Adrien: “Wha– But _Maman!”_  
Emilie: “But nothing Adrien. You know you weren’t supposed to transform. There are evil magic uses out there!”  
Adrien: “But–”  
Emilie: “ _No._ I’m not putting it back in the box, Plagg’s not going away. But clearly you can’t be trusted with the ring right now. We can talk about you getting it back _after_ we solve this magician problem. And don’t think I won’t be talking to Bruce about this.”  
Adrien: “Aw don’t bring Bruce in. He’ll say not to give it back until I’m thirty.”  
Emilie: “He has experience with this so yes I will be asking his advice. And that’s final.”
  


~^~

    (24 hours of chaos. 12 hours down. 12 hours left)  
Tikki: “You can’t just leave them out there unopposed!”  
Emilie: [dabbing at the cut on her cheek one of the magic users managed to give her.] “I’m not letting Adrien back out there!”  
Tikki: “You have a responsibility as the Guardian of the Miracle Box to–”  
Emilie: “I’m sorry I’m not as good a Guardian as I should be! But I am a _Mother_ first! And if that makes me a horrible guardian then Fu was wrong about me and we’ll just have to start looking for someone else.”  
Tikki: “Emilie… You’re not a bad guardian. You’re a wonderful one. We’ll figure it out. We’ll just have to lay low and plan it out.  
Plagg: “Emilie!!! You need to give me back to Adrien _right **now!!!** ”_  
Emilie: “I already told y–”  
Plagg: “Then pick somebody else! Because those creeps are back! They’re attacking right now!!”

(The back half’s the real bitch.)

  1. They know about the wish-granting ability of the ladybug and black cat. And they _want_ it.
  2. They know the Ladybug’s the Guardian



Let’s take stock.

Adrien’s asleep.

Gabriel’s at work.

The coven’s getting closer.

(Marinette’s still a civilian)

(The batfam are in their own fight, literal worlds away)

(The Ladybug Miraculous shouldn’t be wielded without the Black Cat)

( _The coven’s getting closer._ )

A good Guardian always has a plan.

Emilie’s not feeling like such a good Guardian right now.

A Guardian, good or bad, has access to the Miracle Box.

That much she does have a handle on.

~^~

“Where’s that light switch? Come on… come on… Is the power out? In just this room though…? Where are those matches… Light you stupid thing. Ha! *chssss…* Ha! There… we…

…

…Gabriel what did you do?”

* * *

It’s dark when Emilie steals into Adrien’s bedroom. Her baby – her precious, perfect baby – is asleep, limbs flailed everywhere and hair a mess. She could watch him sleep for hours. But she doesn’t have that kind of time. She reaches out for his shoulder and gently shakes him awake. “Baby?”

Adrien comes to with a start. He flails for a minute before realizing who it is. “Maman?” He reaches for the lightswitch on his bedside table only for Emilie to stop him. “What is it?”

“My beautiful little boy.” Emilie stares down at her son, trying to memorize his face. Less than twenty-four hours ago he was bounding across rooftops, cheerfully defiant of every rule she’d ever given him. Less than twenty-four hours ago she promised herself she’d never let him be in that much danger again. Less than an hour ago she thought she could still keep that promise.

More the fool her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. It’s in your hands now baby. Be brave, be strong. I know it’s a lot to put on your shoulders but I know you can do this. You’re going to be amazing I just know it. I’m so proud of you. So so very proud of you.”

“Maman what’s going on?”

She straightens the wrinkles in his nightshirt, slipping something into its pocket, unawares of Adrien. “You won’t need to make this choice Adrien. It’s just this is a very… complicated situation. It won’t be like this for you. Okay? This is my choice. Mine. And it’s a horrible choice. An awful, horrible choice. But it’s the only way I can stay with you.”

“You’re scaring me.”

Emilie reached up and brushed her baby’s bangs back from his face. He’s gotten so _big._ When did that happen? Her big, strong, grown up boy. “It’ll be okay Adrien. I promise. Everything’s going to be okay. Just be brave for me baby. Can you do that for me?”

Adrien sniffled, eyes wide. But he nodded. “Yes. I can do that Maman.”

“I love you Adrien. Always remember that. I’ll always love you, no matter what.” Running her fingers through Adrien’s hair one last time Emilie stands. “I Emilie Agreste hereby relinquish the miracle box, and with it…” She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. It has to be done. “And with it all my memories of the miraculous and name Adrien the new guardian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {magic amnesia}  
> 
> 
> {cliffhanger}


	4. Guardian Adrien Outline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright everybody! Pull those bingo cards back out and get ready!  
> If you've tossed yours/never made one here's your chance! The handicap is losing all the tropes from chapter 1, buuut any that continue through this chapter are free game so plan your board wisely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to stop assuming I have any clue how the word count for things is going to go.  
> There will be a third chapter of this monster now, because _of course there will._

“…and name Adrien the new guardian.”

Adrien is hit with the mystical equivalent of a mack truck to the face.

When he finally shakes off the hit he sees his mother on the floor, her legs folded under her like they gave out on her. Her eyes are wide and unfocused.

“Maman?”

Emilie blinks, turning toward Adrien like she’s only just realizing he’s there.

“Oh. Hello there young man.” She smiles, gaze still fuzzy as she resumes glancing distractedly around. “Where are we?”

“My room.”

“Oh. That’s nice. …And where’s that?”

Adrien scrambles out of bed, falling to the floor next to her. “Maman look at me.”

Emilie’s gaze snaps back to him, eyes finally clearing. “Maman? I’m sorry you must be mistaken.” A hint of nervousness has crept into her voice by now. “My Adrien’s only two years old.”

“Maman, I–”

Gabriel bursts into the room. _“Emilie!!”_

“Gabriel?” She scrambles to her feet. “Gabriel what happened?”

Adrien springs to his feet as well. He darts forward and grabs at Gabriel’s hand only to be shoved aside. “Father! Maman–”

“Not now Adrien.”

“Adrien? So y-you’re really… My boy. My little boy. H-How are you so… I– I don’t– What’s going on?”

~ ^~

Gabriel won’t say anything the miraculous and he flatly refuses to let Adrien tell her anything about it either. Which makes explanations a touch hard given the entire reason for her memory gap **_is_** the miraculous. Adrien tries to argue but he’s an eleven-year-old child who is used to yielding to the demands of an overbearing father. Emilie of course notices the tension but she’s a **_bit_** too occupied with the whole ‘having just lost damn near a decade of her life, including functionally all of Adrien’s life’ thing to piece it together.

It’s a fun night in the Agreste home.

Can’t you tell?

~^~

Adrien is the new Guardian. As night from hell fades into the first weak rays of sunlight, after Emilie has been herded away by a frantic, single-minded Gabriel and Adrien has been left alone, he sneaks to the hidden room he knows his mother keeps the miracle box.

Adrien is the new Guardian. He has duties now. He will not fail them. He will not fail his mother.

The room is destroyed and the miracle box is gone.

It’s all gone.

~^~

Gabriel seals off the room the next day.

(It’s all gone.)

~^~

And on a wider scale…

The French government has finally reached its breaking point. They don’t know about coven of power-mad magic users that have been lurking around for months. All **they** know _*cough*choosetoknow*cough*_ is that everything in Paris was fine until all these foreign heroes started showing up then everything started going downhill. The ‘Foreign Heroes Piss Off’ policy officially gets put into effect. The Batfam in particular are singled out as personas non grata.

And then there’s the little detail of Chat Noir being the most – and pretty much only – noticeable face and definitely the only name to come out of that very public, very messy _very_ destructive fight. Chat Noir is declared a public enemy number one. (Hells yeah. Go big or go home!) The mysterious spotted woman is likewise an declared an enemy, both of them to be detained and if at all possible arrested.

~^~

It’s later when Adrien picks up his nightshirt and realizes there’s something in the pocket.

When he pulls it out he realizes it’s actually two somethings.

The first is a pair of templeless sunglasses – the horse miraculous.

The second is a key.

Not big, not old, not ornamental, not distinguishable in any way at all. Just a plain, unmarked key.

It has to be from his mother. She had to have slipped it into his pocket when she woke him up.

But what does it _mean?_

Adrien stares down at the key and doesn’t know what to do with it.

He doesn’t know what to do with _any_ of it.

He wants his mother.

For the first time since Emilie shook him awake Adrien starts to cry.

He doesn’t stop for a long time.

~^~

Right. This has ground to a depressing halt.

Let’s back up and switch gears a little.

Parallel to the emotional stability of Paris burning to the ground the Batfam and the JL are dealing with much more literal fires. It’s Darkside – _Everything’s_ on fire. Clark breaks his arm, which always sucks but more importantly is _Superman_ getting beat up badly enough to break a bone. But for all the fuss it gets when it happens within an hour everyone, including Supes himself has completely forgotten about it. Because by that point, something wildly more important and distracting has happened. Namely, Damian isn’t dead anymore.

…

Well.

That happened.

{spontaneous unexplained resurrection!}

~^~

The Batfam knows about Marinette so they’re slightly less freaked out about Damian’s whole temporary vow of silence while he tries to come up with the perfect greeting.

Marinette had gone to bed early. She’s done that a lot since– Since. She’s dawdling over some new sketches, avoiding finishing the embroidery robins on the collar of her latest dress, trying hard not to think about the fact that it’ll be the first thing she’s ever made that she didn’t ~~couldn’t~~ tell Damian about and trying even harder not to tear the thing to pieces because of it, when Dick calls.

    Dick: “Hi Mari. Are you sitting down? Because if you’re not you really should.” (way to needlessly freak out your little sister)  
Marinette: “Dick? Are you guys all back? What happened?”  
Dick: “Are you sitting down?”  
Marinette: [totally lying] “Yes.”  
Dick: “I know you’re totally lying and trust me on this, you should sit down. And while we’re on the subject I know it’s going to be a lot but try not to hyperventilate. Or scream. We haven’t worked out a civilian cover story yet which your parents technically are.”  
Marinette: “Dick tell me what’s going on. Did someone– did someone else…”  
Dick: “No, nothing like that. It’s a good thing I promise. [helpless laugh] It’s– It’s a really _really_ good thing. But it’s a lot. Just– Sit. And sit and wait just– just _one_ minute. Just trust me. Are you sitting?”  
Marinette: [sits down] “Yes.”  
…

_“Bonjour Marinette.”_

    Marinette: [drops her phone, scrambles to pick it back up, drops it again] _“D–Damian?”_  
Dick: “Yeah. It’s real I promise. He’s really back. Bruce is still working out the exact details of what exactly happened but it’s really him and he’s really here. He’s back and he’s real and not going anywhere.”  
Marinette: [verge of a full-fledged panic attack. Really straining the bounds of the whole not hyperventilating thing]  
Dick: “I’m going to put Damian on the phone now okay?”  
…  
Marinette: “…damian?”  
Damian: “I’m here. I– I’m here.”  
Marinette: “Oh my god. [there’s going to be tears here any second. As soon as the shock wears off there’s going to be tears] You’re back. You’re _back._ I– How– What– I don’t care. I don’t care how or why or anything else I just care that you’re back. You’re back you’re back you’re– you’re– [ _aaaand_ there’s the tears] _I missed you so much!”_  
Damian: “Don’t cry! Don’t cry Marinette I’m here. I’m here, I’m back. I’m sorry Marinette. I’m so sorry.”  
Marinette: “Don’t apologize. You’re here. You’re back. You– You’re really– I thought I’d never hear you again.”  
Damian: “I wanted my greeting to be perfect for you.”  
Marinette: “It was. It absolutely was.”

~^~

Adrien has also gone to his room early tonight. He’s spending it the same way he’s spent every night this week: staring blankly at his mother’s key and silently spiraling into the emotional void.

There’s a thump at the window. Adrien turns to look.

…

what the fuck…?

    Marinette: [whisper shouting, plastered to his window – how the hell did she get through the security… and why is she here it’s the middle of the night…?] “Adrien!!!!! I’ve got news I and **have** to tell you _right now!!!!!”_  
Adrien: […what the hell is going _on?_ ]  
[Adrien opens the window and Marinette falls inside]  
Marinette: [has clearly been crying, is currently vibrating, might start laughing might start crying again no seriously _what the_ _hell is going on??_ ] “I’ve got news. I’ve got _such_ news oh my god Adrien I can’t believe it I still can’t believe it he’s– he’s really– I still can’t believe it.”  
Adrien: “Marinette, I don’t mean to be rude or anything but unless it’s good news I’m not sure I’m up for it tonight.”  
[Only then does Adrien finally take in Marinette’s full appearance. Her hair’s a mess, pigtails half-out and flyaways going in every direction. She’s in not quite pajamas but the soft shapeless pants are clearly not meant for wider circulation than her bedroom. Her feet are slipped into half-tied tennis shoes with no socks. A sweater has been thrown over her shirt in a bare minimum attempt to make the outfit presentable for the outside world. She has her cellphone in her hand, holding it in a white-knuckle grip.]  
Adrien: “Mariette…?”  
Marinette: “He’s alive. Damian. He came back, he’s alive, he came back to life– Adrien, _Damian came back._ He– [and there’s those tears again] He’s back he’s back he’s really here I _heard_ him he’s really back.”

Well. That’s one way to derail an angst session.

Mari figures it’ll be at least a week before everything’s sorted out and the Batfam has a chance to come up with and put into action their cover story and she’ll be able to fly out to Gotham and see Damian.

    Adrien: “Um… I’d like to remind you the one miraculous I _do_ know the location of is the horse miraculous of transportation. So long as you know where he is…”  
Marinette: “…Adrien I love you.”  
Adrien: “Great! Let me just grab it and we can–”  
Marinette: “We need to go back to my house first!”  
Adrien: “Why–”  
Marinette: [already bolting for the window] “I need my dress!”

(Don’t question it Adrien. Just– Don’t.)

(It’s saner that way.)

~^~

You know what’s **_not_** a good thing to see less than three hours after beating Darkside? A mysterious glowing portal appearing in the middle of the JL Watchtower medical ward. Superman is really, really super not excited about that.

You know what’s **_not_** what you expect to come out of that portal? Children. Two of them. One of whom is in batman patterned sleepwear the other of whom is dressed themed like a horse. Superman… is really not sure what to do with that.

You know what’s really **_not_** what you expect said mystery children to do? Divebomb the recently resurrected Robin.

You know what’s **_not_** the reaction you expect from literally anyone? For Damian to grab said mystery girl in a hug and let her cry on him. Or for him to cling to her himself. Or for Batman to quietly step away and for the rest of the Batfam to follow with mystery boy. 

Mystery girl’s costume has faded away and she’s now in a green dress. there’s a tiny flying horse floating next to mystery boy’s head.

Superman is _officially_ confused by now.

    Supes: “…Do you have any idea what’s going on?”  
Wondy: [reaching for her lasso] “I can find out.”  
Batman: “That is unnecessary.” (You wanna maybe take a stab at explaining _why_ it’s unnecessary there batsy? No? Okay.)  
Wondy: “What’s going on Batman?”  
Batman: [ignoring them and focusing on mystery boy] “Where’s your mother?”  
Mystery Boy: “That’s… a bit of a long story. Di– _Nightwing_ said you only just got back to Earth’s orbit like two hours ago. Why don’t we come over to the manor once you get back home and explain things then?”  
Wondy: “Who are these children and how did they break into the watchtower? Why are you leaving _her_ alone with Robin and why does _he_ apparently know all of your identities?”  
Mystery Boy: [pointing behind him] “Marinette knows them too. [processing] Oh my god you’re Wonder Woman.”  
Supes: Seriously Batman, _what is going on?_  
Adrien: [pointing behind him again] “Soulmates.”  
Supes and Wondy: “…what.”  
Batman: “It’s hardly as if it’s unheard of. You both have one yourself. [turning back to mystery boy because _apparently_ that constitutes enough of an explanation for him] Now. Where is Emilie? There’s no way she let you come alone.”  
Mystery Boy: “Ummm……”  
Batman: [deep sigh] “Don’t tell me you stole Kaalki and snuck here without telling her.”  
Mystery Boy: “Crib note version she has magical amnesia and I’m the Guardian now.”  
Bats and Supes and Wondy: “What.”

{Justice League know about the miraculous}

Yet another fun night had by all.

The earnestness to sarcasm ratio in that statement is _far_ better for this night than it was for Amnesia Night.

Diana has some base knowledge of the miraculous from her mother so explaining about them goes smoother than it could have otherwise. Clark’s glad to have an explanation for everything. He’s less glad to hear about the tiny chaos spirit who’s apparently gone missing.

    Diana: “He’s actually not a chaos spirit.”  
Clark: “Oh thank good–”  
Diana: “Plagg’s not a mere spirit he’s a god and he’s not chaos he’s destruction incarnate.”  
Clark: “–ness. Are you kidding me? Please say yes.”  
Bruce: “He’s a cat.”  
Diana: “He’s not just–”  
Bruce: “I once watched him eat $500 worth of cheese in less than ten minutes, whine because Adrien wasn’t giving him enough attention and then snub him when Adrien tried to make up for it and pointedly float over to snuggle with Marinette because, quote, ‘it’s too late _now_ ’. He’s a cat.”

So that’s Adrien. Guardian of the miracle box and soul arbiter of an entire host of unimaginable powers.

Sure.

As for the other surprise batkid (and you have no idea how much that alone reassures Clark. Bruce’s flock of baby birds are _expected_ to do insane reason defying things and then roll their eyes when confronted about it. Any security breach instantly becomes 1000% less worrying when you can start the explanation with a batkid), Marinette is still curled up with Damian. They’re talking in rapid-fire French except for when they drop randomly into English or Arabic for three or four words before switching back. Her face is blotchy with faded tear marks and her eyes are red and puffy. Damian is staring at her like she’s the most perfect thing he’s ever seen.

Damian has a soulmate.

Who’s French.

And adorable.

And capable of breaking into heavily guarded satellites full of superheroes at will and thinking nothing of it.

**Sure.**

* * *

Alright! Lightning around!

The coven has up and vanished and hasn’t been seen or heard from since Amnesia Night. At least **_one_** good thing came out of that worst of nights!

Adrien and Marinette warp tube over to Wayne Manor and explain everything that the Batfam missed while they were gone. He shows them the mystery key they still can’t figure out.

Kaalki is placed in Marinette’s temporary custody so she can visit Damian every day. Which makes Adrien a Guardian with literally no kwamis under his watch.

Adrien pretty much immediately reaches his breaking point for lying to Emilie about basically everything. He starts verbally circling around the whole miraculous/kwami/guardian thing trying to figure out how to tell her without completely freak her out. He first officially broaches it and she doesn’t freak out. But she does pass out less than three hours later and doesn’t wake up for two days. Right, lesson learned from the universe, no trying that again!

{Secrets!}

A civilian cover story for Damian is solidified and distributed. Marinette and her parents officially visit Gotham.

Bruce Wayne and his newly returned son visit Paris. While Damian and Adrien strategically hide out at the Dupain-Chang bakery Brucie shows up at the Agreste gates having just heard about his dear friend Emilie’s tragic mysterious accident. Gabriel chases him off. He figures that’s the end of it until he comes home from work three days later to find Bruce and Emilie having tea and laughing over a stack of pictures.

    Emilie: “Gabriel! You didn’t tell me I was friends with Bruce Wayne!”  
Bruce: [full Brucie mode activated] “Gabey!! Come join us! We were just going over old times, seeing if anything jogs any memories!”  
Emilie: [double-take because Bruce was _not_ putting any Brucie on five seconds ago]

Bruce keeps trying to make inroads on the Emilie amnesia thing. He’d love to know where Fu and Marianne went. He’d really like someone knowledgeable in this specific magic. In the meantime there are a few magic users he’d really like to take a look at her. The problem is Batman can’t get close and while he can play ‘three degrees of separation’ as an excuse for Bruce Wayne to know them Gabriel’s going full control freak and won’t let Emilie out of his sight, let alone near some strange magician (never mind that they’re a world-famous hero, Gabe does not care). Bruce’ll keep working on it. Immovable object, I’d like to introduce you to unstoppable force.

The Batfam is banned from Paris so civilian forms it is! The Waynes start rotating into Paris, playing scavenger hunt with Adrien’s mystery key. So far no hits.

* * *

Emilie’s not about to _accept_ that she’s lost her memory forever. Gabriel keeps trying to bundle her up and keep her away from anything that might upset her. The result is her getting to know her next to nothing about her own life. She hasn’t left the house in a week and whenever she has managed to escape out into the world for an hour it’s always with Gorilla dogging her heels the whole way. And at home, whenever she tries to find anything that might jog her memory Nathalie appears as if summoned. Does she have a radar or something? Honestly, she’s amnesiac, not invalid. (She loves Gabriel, she does. But he can be so… stifling sometimes.)

She pours over the photos she does have access to. They jog absolutely nothing.

That would have been it. Except for 3 very important things.

  1. Emilie is the wife of a fashion designer.
  2. More importantly Emilie is highly observant.
  3. Most importantly Emilie is a force of nature and _will **not**_ accept losing ten years of her life without a fight.



She and Adrien are wearing the exact same jewelry in every. Single. Picture.

She notices Adrien’s first because she hasn’t seen her son wear any jewelry since she… for as long as she can remember. But he’s wearing the same ring in every picture. From there she notices her earrings. She turns her entire jewelry collection upside down but can’t find them.

Time for some interrogation.

    Emilie: [shows him her evidence] “Where’d you get that ring you’re wearing in all these pictures?”  
Adrien: [oooh fuuuck. What do I say???!] [squeaks] “You gave it to me?”  
[just a slap to the face from the ol’ amnesia elephant in the room.]  
Emilie: “Ah.”  
…  
Emilie: [will not let herself be deterred. She has a mission.] “Why’d you stop wearing it?”  
Adrien: “I… lost it.”  
Emilie: “Oh. I… hope you find it soon.”  
Adrien: “So do I.”

Well that dead-ended hard.

* * *

It’s Damian who finally discovers what Emilie’s key unlocks.

It’s a locker.

Just a normal bus station locker.

    Adrien: “Did you check the key in every single locker until you found the right one.”  
Damian: [He did. He totally did.] “Tt. Just because that’s the first strategy you would attempt doesn’t mean there aren’t far superior methods of discernment.”

    [There might be ‘far superior methods of discernment’ but the birds burned through all of those weeks ago. They’ve all been trying the key in every lock they can find. There’s a grid map and everything. But shush, let him look cool in front of his soulmate.]

One bus station locker, bottom row, third from the right, number 27. Find enclosed:

One (1) grimoire

One (1) miracle box, containing

Seventeen (17) miraculouses

    Adrien: “The peacock miraculous is missing.”

That’s going to be a problem, isn’t it?

Yeah, that’s definitely going to end up being a problem.

But! On the plus side, you know who this means we get back?

PLAGG!!!

(oh thank fuck, some levity up in here)

    Adrien: “Plagg!!”  
Plagg: “Kid!! I missed you! You got any cheese?”  
Marinette: [pulls out a tin] “I brought some with me for you. I also have cookies for Tikki.”  
Plagg: “You’re my favorite.”  
Damian: “You are entirely devoid of loyalty.”  
Plagg: “Hurmph. See if I ever let you wield my ring.”

If you’re hoping the reintroduction of Plagg and Tikki means some answers about what the hell happened the end of last chapter just keep hoping. Their grand total combined knowledge is that she was going to grab a different miraculous, Gabriel did something, and then there were footsteps and she revoked them.

Adrien gets Plagg back. Marinette takes Tikki because we still need balance up in here. Whelp, we’ve officially got our miracle duo in place. Just without anything for them to punch.

Yet.

* * *

With the miracle box back in its rightful place life starts moving to a new normal.

Marinette takes in Tikki. She would have thought she would have known what it would be like after taking care of Kaalki but it’s different. She and Tikki click more. It feels more… right. The downside is she has to re-learn Damian (and the rest of the Waynes) actually being an entire ocean away rather than a five-second teleportation trip.

Emilie is still hunting for answers but she’s slowly coming to accept the realization that can’t be **_all_** she does. It’s been almost two months now, if she can’t remember her life, then it’s time to start learning it.

Adrien’s already started looking forward. He’s not going to give up on his mother getting her memory back. On the contrary now that he’s got the grimoire back nights spent staring at the key have been replaced with nights spent trying to decode the language of Guardians, now joined with Plagg’s snarking (god he’d missed Plagg). But he’s not going to let that weigh him down. He’s looking forward. If his mom’s memories are gone forever then… Then there’s no time to waste on making new ones, is there? He takes up the crusade of going to school – one his mother had been championing for years and had been _so close_ to winning pre amnesia. He starts fighting with Gabriel to reestablish their weekly mother-son trips into town. He teaches Emilie that while Gorilla can’t be bribed with money but he can for a good cause and a limited-edition action figure (though throwing in some Dupain-Cheng banana choux à la crème doesn’t hurt either). He reintroduces her to her favorite places and all the people Gabriel doesn’t not _not_ know about.

    Bonus: Emilie’s great jewelry investigation part 2!  
Emilie: “Marinette, did I give you those earrings.”  
Marinette: [fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck] “No! I mean, no? I mean why would you give me earrings? Not that you couldn’t give me earrings it’s just that you never have. You’ve given me a bracelet and a couple necklaces, which were really pretty, one of them’s still my favorite necklace you’ve always had such great taste in jewelry I actually think you have better taste in jewelry than but that’s not what we were talking about, hahahahaha! You really think they look like yours, that’s weird, isn’t that weird. Not _weird!_ I just mean– It’s just they’re nothing special. Nothing like what you’d wear they’re just plain, ordinary, completely normal earrings!! HahaHAhahAhahaHaHaHAHAaa!!! _I’mgonnagoseeifmyparentsneedanyhelpupfrontberightback!”_  
Emilie: “Is this normal for her?”  
Adrien: “Yes.”

Well that dead-end even harder.

~^~

Some of you might be asking what about Gabriel during all this?

That’s a _very_ good question.

{sketchy as fuck Gabriel}

* * *

Bruce has a lot of experience readjusting to new normals. The Batfam’ll still be there if Adrien and Mari need them and Bruce’s got custody of Kaalki if they’re needed on the quick but for now it’s time to step back and focus on their family. The cover story for Damian’s resurrection is fully in place and he’s a Wayne so Gotham just fully accepts ‘hey! Not dead now! Not 100% sure why, just happened!’ as something that absolutely happens to their first family of mayhem. But they kind of let themselves be distracted from getting Damian’s life back.

Damian had a life in Gotham before he died. Damian _has_ a life in Gotham. But. It’s an insular one. It’s a life of running rooftops and shady warehouses at midnight. It’s his brothers and sisters and Father and Alfred. It’s Alfred the cat and Titus and Batcow and the calm expanse of the manor grounds. There wasn’t a lot of daytime social plans and school friends before and he hasn’t helped that much by being sometimes physically and often mentally in Paris with Marinette.

Even now, with Bruce back on his ‘wouldn’t some friends be nice?’ train Damian’s not trying particularly hard to play nice. It doesn’t help when he does things like physically walk away from people mid-conversation. Sometimes because he gets a text or a call but sometimes just because he can’t be bothered to continue it.

This time it’s a Nino text! (boy got a name and number early and he will use it.)

`Dude!! Mari’s never going to tell you this and Adrien not here but she totally just accidently punched Kim in the face when he tried to sneak up on her!!!`

(It should be worth noting that Damian keeps responding to Nino’s highly detailed play-by-play of the aftermath and even past that when they shift away from that into talking about the new transfer student, the daughter of new head chef at Le Grand Paris. It’s important to stay on top of these things.)

* * *

And this is around the time Adrien and Gabriel get into a miraculous standoff. (The first of many, all of varying levels of explosiveness.)

Specifically, Gabriel knows about kwamis, but he doesn’t know about Plagg and he doesn’t know about Adrien being the guardian. And Adrien hasn’t been particularly inclined to tell him.

This all comes crashing to a halt when Gabriel walks into Adrien’s room one night and finds him studying the grimoire with Plagg floating next to him.

    Plagg: [hides behind Adrien fast enough that Gabriel can’t get a good look at him but not fast enough that Gabriel doesn’t see him]  
Gabriel: “Was that a kwami?”  
Adrien: “Um…”  
Gabriel: [steamrolling right over any chance at answering, honing straight in on the grimoire] “What is that?”  
Adrien: [slamming it closed] “Umm…”  
Gabriel: [immediately snatching the book up and flipping through it] “What does it say and why are there drawings of the miraculous and kwamis in here?”  
Adrien: [grabbing it back] “Sorry! That’s guardians only!”  
Gabriel: _“Guardians?”_  
Adrien: “Ummm…”

So there’s a fight.

Gabriel knows Adrien’s the guardian now.

He also knows about the grimoire.

…

~Yaaaay!~ 

~^~

With Gabe knowing about the whole Guardian Adrien thing now there’s going to be a lot of secret conversations floating around the place now.

And by secret conversations I mean fights.

 _Soo_ many fights.

    Gabriel: “Why did you have a kwami with you last night?”  
Adrien: “He’s my partner. It’s a Guardian tradition to have a kwami partner. [well that’s a lie] I’m the Guardian, Plagg’s my partner.”  
Gabriel: “Plagg? I don’t know that kwami.”  
Adrien: “Uhhh–”  
Plagg: [swoops by in corner of Gabe’s eye the direction of Adrien’s phone. Time to hit the panic button]  
Gabriel: “And your mother? Who was her kwami?”  
Adrien: “Mother got along best with Duusu.”  
Gabriel: “I don’t believe you.”  
Adrien: “Believe what you want. It’s the truth.” (I mean, _technically…_ It’s just not actually the answer to the question)  
Gabriel: “Give me the miraculous. And the miracle box and book while you’re at it.”  
Adrien: “What? No! I’m the Guardian it’s my duty!”  
Gabriel: “The same ‘duty’ that lost your mother’s memory? I’m not about to let you–”  
Brucie: [bursting into the house, seriously, _how_ does he keep getting back in here? _And wasn’t he back in **Gotham??**_ ] “Gabey!!! How’s my favorite fashion icon!! And where’s that wonderful wife of yours? We’re only in Paris a few hours, just a stopover, some business to handle, also I was craving some spaghetti carbonara, you know how it is, but anyway I knew I had to stop in and see my favorite people!! Let’s grab some lunch, are you feeling hungry I know I am. You me, Emilie the three of us and some traditional French cuisine. I’ve been craving gyros for days!”  
Damian: [walking straight past Gabriel not even bothering to look at him and towing Adrien away.] “Come on. You can introduce me to Césaire.”

And this is why there’s a panic button.

~^~

Later in the middle of the night Plagg sneaks in and wakes Gabriel up.

It’s pitch black and Gabriel can’t see a single thing except two toxic green eyes two centimeters from his face.

Then there’s a voice hissing at him that sounds like it crawled out of the depths of hell itself.

     _“Try that and you will **regret it.** ”_

What? You thought Adrien was the only one Gabe was gonna fight with?

(Oh, you mean the depths of hell thing. Plagg’s literally a god of destruction incarnate. He can be scary when he wants. He likes the kid, there’s no reason to scare _him._ )

~^~

The grimoire and miracle box are quietly moved to Marinette’s house. It’s safer that way. Not _necessarily_ from Gabriel. Just… in general.

Yeah, that’s it.

(It’s totally from Gabriel.)

* * *

Two days later the first monster attacks.

Well fuck.

The monster’s not all that interested in causing havoc. It seems to be almost searching for something. Adrien wants to go out there and fight it. He’s the guardian, the coven’s only here because of him. It’s his job to go out there and fight it!

Uh. Marinette, Tikki and Plagg would disagree. The coven’s here **_for_** him. A distinction in two very important ways. One: IT IS NOT HIS FAULT. Let’s get that through his head before we go any further. Two: They are here for _you_ so maybe let’s not let you out there basically painting a giant glowing target on yourself yelling come get me? They eventually talk him out of it.

The monster stays around for almost a week. It’s a horrible week full of slow grinding tension slowly eroding everyone’s sanity piece by piece. It’s also a week full of pretty much all of the Waynes ‘just happening to stop by’ at least once. Damian pretty much doesn’t get off the phone with Marinette except for when he’s actually in Paris the entire week. (So, how’s that making a social life in Gotham and spending less mental time in Paris thing going? That good huh?)

And then the monster just– disappears.

Not going to lie, that actually freaks everyone out _more._

     Damian: “How do you feel about spending a week or so in Gotham? Or maybe a month. Or maybe more. I don’t know, how long do you think a full-scale search and scouring of Paris would take? You know what, what about just an indefinite visit?”  
Marinette: “It’s the middle of the school year.”  
Damian: “You could transfer.”  
Marinette: “Damian…”  
Damian: “I just– All I want is to know you’re safe.”  
Marinette: “Isn’t Two-Face currently on the loose and in the middle of a terror spree over there?”  
Damian: “At least he’s a known quantity.”  
Marinette: “My unknown quantity hasn’t blown up any buildings yet.”  
[explosion in the distance on Damian’s end]  
Dick in the background: “Dami! Suit up! Two-Face is holding the entire city council hostage!”  
Damian: “…You may have a point.”

~^~

A week later a new monster shows up again. Unlike last time, where it mostly only showed up at night and mostly stuck to the shadows carrying on its search, this time it’s more public with its actions. Last time the real news didn’t exactly fully cover it because there wasn’t exactly an abundance of hard proof and they weren’t eager to bring the last (and so far only of its kind) superfight Paris saw, leaving only amateur bloggers/cape-chasers to report it. Pretty much the only mainstream reporting on it came from Nadja Chamack. This time it hits prime-time pretty damn fast. Amazing what a little rampage through the middle of downtown will do.

Adrien would _really_ like to go out there and fight that thing now. Literally his job.

Mari pulls out the big guns.

    Marinette: “If you can beat Damian in a spar I won’t try to stop you from going out there.”  
Damian: “You won’t win. I’ll even let you use Plagg’s power for our fight. It won’t change anything.”  
Adrien: [I’m _going_ to get out there and be a proper guardian] “Bring it on.”

Needless to say Adrien gets his ass handed to him.

The police manage to destroy the monster two days later. No one’s quite sure what happened. Someone got in a lucky shot or something? And then it kind of exploded? Except not in a bomb way more in a suddenly ceased to be way?

Yeah no one knows anything and everyone is confused.

Adrien, Marinette and Jason representing the Batfam go out to take a look around as soon as they can sneak in. All they find is a battered baby bottle with a bullet hole in it.

    Jason: “Did your cops shoot a baby? They could have at least tried a pacifier first.”  
Marinette: _“Jason!”_  
Jason: “What? You want sensitivity you’ve got the wrong bat.”  
Plagg: [flying up to the bottle and poking at it] “It smells weird.”  
Tikki: “There’s magic clinging to it. I think it was what was controlling the monster.”  
Marinette: “A _baby bottle?”_  
Plagg: “Urgh, whatever. I just need something to get that smell out of my nose. _Adriieeen!_ I need cheese! [shoves his entire face into the cheese as soon as Adrien hands it to him] Aaahh… That’s better.”  
Adrien: “What kind of magic is it?”  
Tikki: “I don’t know. The bottle itself isn’t magical and all the magic is gone from it now. All we can sense is that there _was_ magic on it. And that it’s familiar.”  
Jason: “Familiar like the coven that was specifically tracking you just a few months ago?”  
Tikki: “…Maybe. It felt more familiar than that though.”  
Jason: “Don’t tell me you have other people after you.”  
Plagg: “Sugarcube’s existed since the start of creation itself and I wasn’t exactly long after. Of _course_ we’ve had people after us before. To say nothing of the cults. Man, those Maltese were weird.”

~^~

Four days later yet another monster appears. This time it’s twice as big and three times as angry. This time Marinette doesn’t try to stop Adrien from going out there.

This time Ladybug and Chat Noir make their official debut.

Remember kiddos, Chat Noir is technically speaking wanted by the police. The police take one look at Marinette, go ‘that’s not the same ladybug lady as last time.’ ‘But it is _a_ ladybug lady. And she’s with Chat Noir.’ ‘Good point, let’s arrest her too.’

And that is the story of how Marinette Dupain-Cheng became a wanted criminal.

Ladybug and Chat Noir do pretty good for a first outing all things considered. This Marinette’s already got a base of self-defense training to fall back on courtesy of knowing Damian already and some practice with her yoyo courtesy of having had the earrings for months rather than thirty entire seconds! They know their looking for a totem that’s controlling the monster puppet.

Now if only they knew what it was.

They eventually find the totem. It’s a child’s tricycle.

    Chat: “The coven gave the totem to a child?”  
Ladybug: “Maybe they can only cast it and aren’t able to use it themselves?”  
Chat: “Maybe. Either way I know what we have to do. [calls up cataclysm] We need to completely destroy that small child’s toy.”

Yeah, that’s really gonna help your PR problem.

(Hey look a feather! Hey look a shadowy figure running away! I’m sure neither of these things are important at all!)

Victory! …I guess? Not… a lot of things were damaged? In the grand scheme of things?

Except for the Eiffel Tower. That’s pretty wrecked.

Even better! Truly a PR dream!

VICTORY!!

    Ladybug: “Well the Miraculous Cure fixes things. Maybe if I focus really hard it’ll put the tower back together?”  
Chat: “Worth a shot?”  
[Ladybug _Explosion!!_ ]  
LB and CN: [Holy Shit that _worked_ ]  
Chat: “I guess Tikki wasn’t overselling that cure.”

    Bonus  
Damian: [suited up, grabbing his katana] “Father I’m going to Paris.”  
Bruce: “I’m sorry, what?”  
Damian: [grabbing a handful of knives] “Another monster’s appeared. [shoves phone at Bruce playing Alya’s livestream of Ladybug and Chat Noir] (we now see the real reason I bumped up Alya’s arrival. She’s our go-to lunatic with a smartphone) Marinette and Adrien are out there fighting it.”  
Bruce: “We’re banned from Paris. We’re not going to start an unnecessary international incident. We’re going to calm down, take a step back and come up with a _plan._ We are going to monitor the situation and if – and only if – the situation gets out of their control we can use the horse miraculous to get there in literally two seconds. Until then we are going to _trust_ Marinette and Adrien. They are smart, competent, and in magical, indestructible full-body suits.”  
Damian: [ooh mini explosives we’ll definitely need a bunch of those] “Where’s Kaalki?”  
Bruce: “Damian. Damian are you listening to me? You’re not going to Paris.”  
Damian: [not listening in the slightest] “You keep his miraculous in the family jewelry case, yes?”

~^~

The fallout can be broken up into two major immediate reactions: Damian’s and Gabriel’s.

Damian

A mental scene for you: A small newly twelve-year-old boy lecturing two gods, just _tearing_ into them, only to finally be stopped by an eleven-year-old girl scolding him about trying to make the god cry.

No-no! I didn’t _mean_ to make the god cry! No don’t you get upset Marinette! I didn’t mean it I’m sorry! Tikki! Tikki please stop crying and tell her you’re fine!

Gabriel

Gabriel has…

A reaction.

A mental scene for you: Gabriel losing his _goddamn mind._

     Gabe: “That was the same cat miraculous wielder as the night your mother left us!”  
Adrien: “What? Maman didn’t leave us she’s out in the garden right now!”  
Gabe: “Silence!! Who is he!”  
[panic button panic button _panic button_ ]  
Adrien: “Before my guardianship, that was Maman’s time.”  
Gabe: “Don’t you _dare_ blame your mother for this!”  
Adrien: “I’m not blaming her! I’m not blaming anyone except whoever keeps making giant monsters!!”  
Gabriel: “That is enough young man!! I will not accept such blatant disrespect in my house! [what the hell…?] What about the Ladybug? Who was the first Ladybug?”  
Adrien: “You’d have to ask Maman!”  
Gabriel: “And the current one?”  
Adrien: [staring him dead in the eye and fucking lying straight to his face] “I don’t know. You’d have. To ask. Maman.”  
Gabriel: “I don’t believe you. You are the guardian. They answer to you. Who are they?”  
[the ceiling cracks and a chandelier falls right over where Gabriel’s standing, forcing him to dive. And there goes part of the wall.”  
Plagg: [scary hell-voice] “I warned you not to try something like that again.”  
Emilie: [appearing from the upstairs] “Oh my gosh what happened! Adrien! Gabriel! Adrien sweetheart are you alright?”  
Adrien and Gabriel: [how do we explain this one?]  
Bruce: [appearing like magic in the front door. How. The Fuck. Does this keep happening?? He lives in **Gotham.** How does he keep getting to **Paris** this quickly? Seriously, _what the fuck is going on!?!?!!_ ] “Hello? Door was open so I figured– jeeze. I’m no expert but I don’t think this is how a renovation’s supposed to go. Unless you’re going for some abstract neo-destructionist look, shake yourselves up from the austere modernist look. I like it. I always figured if you branched out it would be more embracing the art deco undertones you’ve already got going on but hey each to their own.”

Panic button ya’ll.

~^~

And then of course there’s the more belated reaction of Paris at large. The people have questions. Questions like:

Who are you? Are you two good guys? Why are you fighting? Who are you fighting? Why’d you disappear for so long? Are you going to disappear again? Where’s the first Ladybug woman? Did something happen to her? Why didn’t you show up for the first two monsters? Will there be more monsters? What are your powers? Where did your powers come from? Why do the police want to arrest you? Are you two bad guys? What the heck was going on four months ago? Why’d it stop for so long? Did it stop? Have you been fighting in secret? Why has it suddenly become public again? Do you know the Batfam? Why’d they stop coming here? Can I have superpowers? Is magic real? Can I have magic powers? Can I scritch your cat ears?

* * *

Monsters are now the akumas of this au. Except bigger and less prone to getting distracted with their own side-quests. Oh and the police keep trying to arrest you. _And_ instead of just trying to get your miraculous the puppet-monsters seem to exclusively want to murder Chat Noir. And maybe Ladybug, but mainly Chat. Have fun guys!!

We’re going to let that stew for a few weeks before we take the ‘clue’ two-by-four and smack Adrien with it.

    Adrien: “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wanted to smack your reflection for being such an idiot?”  
Damian: “No.”  
Tim: “Yes but the last time I felt that way my reflection actually reached out and smacked me so now I avoid the impulse.”  
Dick: “When–”  
Tim: “Helping Bart with Mirror Master.”  
Jason: “Why are you an idiot?”  
Marinette: “He’s not an idiot.”  
Adrien: “Feathers.”  
Damian: “Stop calling me that.”  
Adrien: “No I mean _feathers._ ”  
Literally Everyone Else: “…what?”  
Adrien: [hoists the grimoire high enough for the birds to see it through the computer screen] “The monsters aren’t from the coven. They’re sentimonsters. It’s whoever has the peacock miraculous.”

Well Fuck.

~^~

As far as Adrien’s concerned the obvious next course of action is to loudly identify himself as the guardian to the next sentimonster that comes sniffing around. As far as Damian’s concerned the obvious next course of action is to non-fatally stab Adrien and kidnap him because clearly he can’t be trusted to make his own decisions. As far as Marinette’s concerned she seriously needs to rethink her life if these are the two people she loves most in the world.

The argument spins for a couple weeks getting worse and worse before it gets interrupted. With an explosion.

The monsters weren’t the coven coming back.

 _That’s_ the coven coming back.

Well **Fuck.**

~^~

If there is one piece of good news out of all of this – _one. Just **One.**_ – it’s that Le Paon (helpfully self-identified one time while running away after losing) hates the coven more than they hate Chat Noir.

Yay?

{ _I_ –––dentity Porn!}

~^~

So yeah things are going to shit and everyone’s distracted by everyone else’s idiocy and now’s around the time that Plagg slips up.

So far Gabriel hasn’t actually seen Plagg. He knows Adrien has a green-eyed baby hellspawn with a penchant for destruction and smelly cheese, masquerading as a kwami but an actual physical description? Nah man, he’s got nothing.

And Gabriel walks into Adrien’s room again one night to Adrien and Plagg except this time Plagg doesn’t notice and can’t hide in time.

Gabriel stares at Plagg.

Plagg stares at Gabriel.

Gabriel stares at Adrien.

Adrien stares at Gabriel.

Gabriel stares at Plagg.

Gabriel turns and leaves without a single word.

    Plagg: “Well that didn’t go like I expected.”

~^~

The next morning Adrien wakes up to Natalie telling him he’s been enrolled in school and that he leaves in ten minutes.

…Well. … Okay then.

* * *

You know what this absolute trainwreck of a situation needs? Another player. 

It’s the middle of a fight and it is kicking. Their. Ass. Someone in the coven figured out how to summon pterodactyls. There are half a dozen coven members currently flying around _riding_ said pterodactyls. And a dozen and a half riderless ones besides. The first sentimonster of the fight went down taking a hit for Chat Noir. (the sentimonsters have been strangely non-hostile for the last couple weeks. It’s really weird. And possibly worrying, jury’s still out.). The second sentimonster has been snatched up by three of the pterodactyls and the coven seems to be trying to position it above Ladybug’s head so they can drop it on her, which given that it’s made of an empowered set of car keys and resembles a knock-off Transformer is _not good_. Ladybug’s lucky charm got lost down a sewer drain and Chat’s already used his cataclysm so they’re both on timers. Le Paon is over on another roof with the leader of the coven trading blows – and more importantly _words._ That is **definitely** the body language of two people who’ve had past dealings and have a personal history with each other. (see this is why the sentimonster thing is worrying)

The pterodactyls drop the sentimonster. Ladybug dives out of the way barely avoiding getting crushed. Chat rushes towards her not noticing the coven member swooping up behind him. The pterodactyl picks him up by the collar of his suit.

Chat twists around, trying to swipe at the coven member. He drags his claws down the side of the pterodactyl’s face, more grateful than ever Damian had convinced him to include them in his costume. The pterodactyl screeches in pain, flinging his head and sending Chat flying. Oh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap–

He fumbles with his baton but his fingers are slick with blood and it slips out of his grasp. The wind slices at his skin and his eyes and steals the breath from his lungs. Below him he can hear Ladybug yelling his name. His ring is screaming at him that he’s about to detransform. He angles himself as best he can, preparing for one very painful landing. Please let him hit the ground before his transformation gives out. With the suit he’ll be fine.

Without… less so.

A lot less so.

Then there’s the thin wire of a grappling hook wrapping around his waist. And then suddenly Robin’s there out of _nowhere_ , swinging towards him on a second line, pulling on the line now wrapped around Chat Noir slowing his descent. He uses the momentum of his swing to change Chat’s trajectory, throwing him directly into Ladybug and past that through the rapidly vanishing portal behind her.

Chat slams into Ladybug the same time his transformation gives out. His eyes close of their own accord as the world spins out of control in a wild vertigo-inducing swirl. Behind his closed eyelids he can see the bright after-image of both the bright green of his own detransformation and the pink of Marinette’s. They spin in a confusing tangle of limbs until they smack into a wall. Adrien’s skull and elbow connect with it hard, sending shooting daggers of pain through him. Underneath him Marinette groans.

After a moment he hears Marinette say, “Hi Alfred.”

“Hello to you too Marinette, Adrien. I have cheese and biscuits already waiting for you. As well as a first aid kit should you need it.” When Adrien cracks his eyes open he sees it wasn’t a wall they hit but the island in the Wayne kitchen. Alfred peering down at them holding a tray with cheese, cookies, toast with jam, and tired kwamis.

Bruce appears in their sight-line, helping them to their feet. Rather than his normal bat theme he’s dressed up like a horse. There’s a flash of light and he’s back to normal Bruce and Kaalki’s floating over to Alfred’s kwami tray.

    Adrien: “What happened?”  
Tim: “An international incident. Well I guess it’s technically in the middle of happening.”  
Steph: “We weren’t able to tackle Damian fast enough to stop him. [reaches up and touches her nose.] “Nose goes on explaining this to Superman and Wonder Woman.”  
Bruce: “Are you two alright to go back out?”  
Marinette: “We’re okay. We need to get back to the fight.”  
Bruce: “Alright then. Suit up.”

It’s agreed that maybe it’s best for them to take the horse with them for a while. At least until the whole “international incident’ thing dies down just a little. Three transformations later LadyMare and Chat Noir step out of a second portal back into the fight.

They’re greeted with the sight of a brand–new player attacking Robin.

Ladies, Gentleman and Readers of all types.

Introducing–

#### Psyche!

#### 

A brief description of Psyche. The predominant descriptor here would be ‘White’. Pale, almost translucent skin. A long, white Grecian-style dress with a white himation draped over it. White hair tied up in an elaborate knot. And perhaps most unsettling of all, a delicately carved white theatre mask, hiding the entirety of her face.

The only color is the purple butterfly broach pinning her himation together at her shoulder.

    Psyche stumbles when she sees them stepping out of the portal. Robin takes advantage to put her on the defensive.  
Ladybug: [storming the newcomer, questions about who she is can wait, getting her _away_ from soulmate now] “Get away from him!”  
Chat: “That’s the Butterfly Miraculous.”  
Robin: “Focus Chat Noir!”  
Chat: _“That’s the Butterfly Miraculous!”_  
Robin: “Deal with that after we’re no longer in immediate danger of getting killed!”  
Chat: “But we know where the butterfly miraculous is!! I just saw it yesterday!”  
Ladybug: “Chat! The coven’s still here! We don’t want to let them know–”  
Chat: “I’m the worst guardian ever!”  
Ladybug: “–who the guardian is.”

 ** _EVERY_** coven member _immediately_ zeros in on Chat Noir.

Not good.

The fight just goes straight downhill from there.

Robin and Ladybug both rush to Chat’s side doing their best to play bodyguard but that limits their movements meaning the coven can surround them. Le Paon changes tack and physically rushes the coven. Psyche follows suit but she keeps turning back to the trio, moving to reach Chat.

Eventually Psyche and Le Paon are able to break through the line of magic users enough for Chat and the others to get away.

But not before one of the coven members gets some _very_ important hits in.

    Adrien: “Butterfly Miraculous!”  
Marinette: “Adrien you’re bleeding.”  
Adrien: “How did she get ahold of it! Mari where’s the miracle box, we need to check them!”  
Damian: “You were right earlier about being the worst guardian ever. Why would you _announce yourself_ when you were literally _surrounded by enemies specifically out for **your** blood?!”_

A check of the miracle box reveals that they _don’t_ actually have the butterfly miraculous; they never did. What they _do_ have is a very well-made but entirely non-magical replica. All the other miraculous are real. But someone’s pulled a switch-and-replace on the butterfly.

And as they never did a full check past a visual count they have no idea when that happened.

…

~Yaaaaay!~

~^~

When Adrien finally arrives back home that Le Paon is waiting in his’s room.

That’s not good.

He detransforms, revealing Gabriel Agreste. (le gasp!)

That’s even worse.

(Hey Look! Someone to punch!)

Apparently Emilie gave him custody of the peacock miraculous before she gave up her memory. And he never told Adrien this even after he learned he’s the guardian because Gabe is a douchenugget.

Why is he telling Adrien now you ask?

That’s a very good question.

Because Gabriel would like the Ladybug miraculous now.

Somebody’s told Gabriel about the wish-granting abilities of the cat and ladybug and he wants to use that wish to restore Emilie’s memories.

Adrien’s not so sure about this. Fu gave him and Emilie a _very_ thorough lecture on the dangers of the ladybug and cat miraculous. The dangers of wish-granting were definitely on there in excruciating detail.

    Adrien: “No.”  
Gabriel: “Were you not listening? We could have  
Adrien: “It’s too high a risk. I won’t do it.”  
Gabriel: “That is not _your_ decision to make.”  
Adrien: “ **I** am the Guardian of the Miraculous. **_I_** decide how they are used.”  
Gabriel: “And I am your Father. You listen to **_me._** ”  
Adrien: “Yeah well. Plagg’s taught me bad habits.”  
[Gabriel lunges, trying to take the ring by force]  
Adrien: “Plagg! Claws out!!!!”

Adrien books it out of there almost before he’s done transforming. He bursts out of the house, flinging himself up onto the rooftops and racing away.

After nearly half an hour of every evasion move he can think of he crash-lands on Marinette’s balcony. He explains what happened and before she’s even had time to process it all shoves Plagg’s ring at her with instructions to find a new wielder and to _swear_ not to let him know who she picks.

And then because baby’s wired and running on adrenaline and bad life decisions he books it off Marinette’s onto the rooftops again before Marinette can do more than blink . (the Batfam really should not have taught this little idiot so much advanced parkour.)

~^~

And then because bad life decisions are really best when compounded with more bad life decisions rather than go home and tell his dad that he no longer has access to either miraculous he decides to wander around in the city at night completely alone. He wants to sulk and mourn the second time in six months.

That’s when Psyche drops in.

She’s got some questions.

Funny. Adrien’s got some too.

     Psyche: “Who are you?”  
Adrien: [buried in a giant hoodie (and I do mean _giant_ , it’s one of Tom’s) Marinette had shoved him in mid-explanation and _really_ grateful to be able to hide his face right now] “Me? Who are _you?”_  
Psyche: “Psyche.”  
Adrien: “And I’m the Guardian. _So_ glad we cleared that up.”  
Psyche: “Surely you must be someone else beyond being the guardian.”  
Adrien: “That’s private. What about you? Surely _you_ must be someone else beyond being Psyche.”  
Psyche: “I’m not so certain about that.”  
Adrien: “What does that _mean??”_  
Psyche: The Guardian protects the miraculous, yes?”  
Adrien: “Yeah…?”  
Psyche: “Then why did we have it?”  
Adrien: _“Who’s **We?!?** ”_

     __

     __

And that’s when Le Paon drops in.

     __

Gabriel’s budding lecture of _why did you run away you shouldn’t have done that and while we’re on the subject hand me your ring now_ gets derailed when he spots Psyche. He’d love to know how she got her hands on the broach too.

     __

Fight! Fight! Fight!

     __

Aaand that’s when the coven drops in.

     __

They don’t have questions. They have demands. Starting with Adrien’s ring and ending with his head on a spike.

     __

Because that’s what this night needed.

     __

     __

Adrien runs.

     __

Did I mention the coven’s magically tracking Adrien?

     __

Because they’re magically tracking Adrien.

     __
     _Psyche: “Transform!”  
Adrien: “I can’t! I don’t have the miraculous!”  
Psyche: “What?”  
Adrien: “I gave it to Ladybug!”  
Le Paon: “You **_What!?_** _”_  
Adrien: “Well I wasn’t about to let _you_ have it!”  
Psyche: “Here! [pulls a pure white butterfly out of the folds of her himation and sends it toward Adrien] Some protection!”_

__

Introducing–

__

Super Adrien! (patent pending)

__

A few minutes into the merry chase from hell Ladybug swings in, the fight having finally reached the ladyblog. She takes one look at Super Adrien! (patent pending) and is very confused.

    _Ladybug: [glancing back and forth between Adrien and Psyche, who just punched Le Paon] “Whose side is she on?”  
Adrien: “No actual clue! [Psyche decks one of the magic users] “Maybe ours? I think? Unless she’s on her own?”  
Ladybug: “And you let her transform you not knowing what she wanted?!”  
Adrien: “Hey! I currently don’t have a kwami and am very squishy right now!”_

__

Aaand _that’s_ when the pterodactyl swoops in.

    _Adrien: “Didn’t we get rid of all of those this afternoon?  
Ladybug: “I thought so. Apparently we missed one.”_

__

* * *

__

The pterodactyl lands and the leader of the coven steps off its back swanning onto the roof. His dark hair is slicked back and his small beard is trimmed to a sharp, curving point rarely seen outside of medieval illustrations of the devil. There’s a shiny silver and red cape around his shoulders and a pendant hanging from his neck that’s glowing a sickly red, just to fully complete the ‘evil practitioner of the dark arts’ look he’s got going. “You may as well surrender now Guardian. We can follow you anywhere.”

__

Ladybug tenses, readying her yoyo. She shifts in front of Adrien, blocking the coven leader’s path. _“What does he mean?”_ she whispers.

__

_“They’re tracking me somehow,”_ Adrien hisses back. _“We don’t know how but we haven’t been able to lose them once.”_

__

“Nor will you,” the coven leader cuts in, unbearably smug. Ladybug’s going to punch that smirk off his dumb face the first chance she gets, just watch her. She glances over at Adrien. His face is twisted with worry and she knows without having to be told he’s thinking of the choices Emilie had promised he’d never have to make, wondering if he’d have to after all. She grabs his hand and squeezes. She wasn’t going to let Adrien give up. Not now, not ever. She has an angle; she _has_ a plan. Sort of. They just need the right opening.

__

Psyche’s been completely silent since he first appeared, mask tilted toward him like she’s studying something. Suddenly her knees buckle and she swoons forward. Adrien lets out a yelp, rushing forward to catch her.

__

“A friend of yours Le Paon?” the leader calls.

__

Le Paon’s face twists up at being addressed. But he answers back nonetheless. “Hardly.”

__

Adrien glances back and forth between the coven leader and his father, trying desperately to figure out what was going on there. His attention is pulled away when Psyche grabs his arm, nails digging in. “The pendant,” she pants. It’s the first time her voice has had any emotion at all. Now it’s thin and wavering with desperation. “That’s how he’s tracking you. You have to get it away if you want to have any hope of not having to run.”

__

Adrien glances up at Ladybug, eyes wide and panicked. How were they supposed to do that. Ladybug however just grins, sharp and fierce. That’s the opening she’s been waiting for. “The Pendant!” she yells.

__

A shadow leaps out of the darkness straight for the leader. Claws rake themselves across his throat, drawing blood and snatching up the pendant, snapping the cord.

__

The shadow lands revealing a figure dressed head to toe in black. Heavy black boots lead up into formfitting black body armor. A black belt wraps around his hips ending in a tail. A silver baton strapped to it the only color on him, if it could be called that. On his arms are spiked gauntlets ending in razor sharp claws currently dripping blood and grasping the pendant. Black cat ears hide in a mess of equally black hair.

__

“Guardian,” he greets, “Ladybug.” When he lifts his head it’s to reveal startlingly green eyes behind a pure black mask.

__

The leader of the coven reaches up to touch his bloody throat. “Who are you?”

__

“I am Cambion. Wielder of the Black Cat Miraculous. His tail swishes back and forth behind him, the slow, deliberate motion of a predator. “And if you fail to leave this instant, your doom.”

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {cliffhanger} 
> 
> {black cat Damian} 
> 
> That's right, we went there. 
> 
> Important Question:  
>  Would you be able to read blocks of text that are _~~both italicized and crossed out?~~_ There’s a part of the last chapter that I _really_ want to do so with for visual stylization reasons and it’s what I’m going to do. But if enough people wouldn’t be able to read it then I’ll come up with something else. (Alternatively I can double post an additional chapter of the crossed out section not crossed out for readability.)


	5. Black Cat Damian Outline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, last chance to play Bingo! Dust those cards out and get ready. If you’re just joining this is the only chapter you can play on so fill out those cards wisely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this took me soo much longer than I thought it would. Apparently I didn’t have it half as mentally mapped as I thought.  
> Also, it’s so much _longer_ than I thought it would be.
> 
> So I think it should be glaringly obvious by now that I am physically incapable of plotting small. Everything must be a sprawling fully-formed universes. It’s a problem. The Emilie part didn’t really fit and was way too long but it’s mostly done and I don’t want to light it on fire so it’ll be posted next and be an optional fourth chapter to this madness.
> 
> Also, I have no idea how I ended up with so much pigeons in this thing.  
> They just did.

~ _Shockingly_ ~ not a lot of the coven want to test the veracity Cambion’s claims of doom. The leader tries to make them stick around and suck it up. He tries to rally his troops by hopping back onto his pterodactyl – who will be sticking around and will henceforth be known as Ptyler – and circling around to attack in a mighty show of strength and power! It gets about as far as ten seconds in when Cambion launches himself twenty feet into the air directly at Ptyler. Ptyler takes one look at the seething mass of aggression and death screaming straight at him, claws-first and nopes straight out of there. Nope. Nope nope nope. Not going there. Not going to do that today.

Unfortunately for the coven leader, he’s still, you know, riding on top of Ptyler. And he hasn’t _quiiite_ figured out steering the pterodactyl yet. So there goes the coven leader and you can bet the rest of the coven’s not going to stick around after that.

     Cambion: “That was anticlimactic.”  
Ladybug: “We are not looking the gift pterodactyl in the mouth. How do we keep them from tracking A– the Guardian?”  
Psyche: “Destroy the pendant.”  
Cambion: “Cataclysm.” [pendant poofs into dust]  
Adrien: “That was anticlimactic.”  
Cambion: “Would you prefer it be unfixable?”  
Adrien: “Point. Now about returning your Miraculous to its rightful place in the custody of the guardian? [Psyche takes away Adrien’s superpowers and she and her butterfly both run off] Should have seen that coming.”  
Le Paon: “I had questions for her.”  
Ladybug: “Well so did we. Get in line.”  
Le Paon: “Children should not have objects of unimaginable power. Give them.”  
Ladybug: [smiling innocently and like the little shit she not-so secretly can be] “Of course. If that’s what the guardian wants I’m sure all three of us will be happy to return our miraculouses to him.”  
Cambion: [coming up behind Ladybug to stand at her shoulder] “You can go first.”  
Adrien: [pointing at Ladybug and Cambion] “You two: No. Keep them, use them, do _not_ tell me who you are. [points at Le Paon] You: feel free to hand it over any time.”  
Le Paon: “I’m not about to reveal my identity to a couple of–”  
Cambion: “Gabriel Agreste.”  
…  
Gabriel: [already running away] “We’ll talk about this at home.”  
Ladybug: “…That was anticlimactic.”

~^~

The next day when Adrien walks into class he’s greeted by a veritable wall of gossip. That’s to be expected. Yesterday’s first fight was the largest one yet, there was an entire flock of pterodactyls, Psyche had her introduction, multiple portals appeared in the sky, Robin showed up (somewhere in a side room of the Palais de l’Élysée Superman is putting all of his rudimentary French language skills to use trying to defuse the angry shouting match resulting in the Damian’s _tiny little_ international incident. Batman is putting _none_ of his considerable French language skills to use, choosing instead to glower ominously. Wonder Woman is busy at the Palais Bourbon doing the same thing.), Ladybug and Chat Noir _lost_ … And then there was the second fight. Someone caught a blurry photo of both Cambion and Super Adrien! (patent pending) which brings the day’s total of potential new players up to three. (and that’s to say nothing of Alya’s theories, already spinning wildly across the Ladyblog (some of which are _surprisingly_ accurate)) So yeah, this should be all anyone talks about for weeks.

Which is why Adrien is confused when he arrives late to school after an extremely tense and double meaning-heavy breakfast conversation between him and Gabriel with Emilie caught quite literally in the middle, to find gossip about yesterday’s fights sharing valuable verbal real estate with a new transfer student.

And then the new student walks in.

You Know them,

You Love them,

Introducing –

 _Li~l–_ Damian.

The transfer student’s Damian.

(But I’m sure ya’ll had already figured that out.)

{Damian in Paris}

{transfer student Damian}

Here we should probably step back a second and mention that Gotham’s gossip network is surprisingly insular and guarded. Bruce has always been a wee bit litigation happy when it comes to his children’s privacy and the particularly scandalous way Jason’s death was covered had triggered a veritable wave of legal action so when Damian’s death came around a lot of the formal media outlets were a bit terrified to report more than the bare minimum about it. And post resurrection well, Damian’s not dead _anymore_. That _completely_ changes the way Gotham talks about it. Gotham gossip has practically its own language, and trying to get a translation guide will only get you laughed at. Even his wiki page (all the Waynes’ wiki pages are aggressively Gothamized) doesn’t have the words ‘dead’ ‘death’ ‘funeral’ or ‘resurrection’ anywhere. The result is unless you followed Gotham/Wayne gossip at the time or you do a really thorough deep-dive, you’d be hard pressed to realize he’d ever died at all. Which is exactly how Gothamites like it. Outsiders gotta _work_ for their gossip.) (So expect any Parisians who I haven’t previously explicitly mentioned to not know about Dami’s death vacation)

    Teacher: “So! Welcome to our class! Why don’t you tell us a little about what brought you to join our little family.” (I’m not sure who this teacher is, only that it wouldn’t be any of the canon ones since we’re predating canon here, and that they are _vastly_ underqualified to be dealing with any of the shit that having multiple superheroes in class brings. And they know it. So far they’ve been trying to compensate with aggressive pep. It has not been working.)  
Damian: [almost completely emotionless] “The last year has been… an eventful one. My father and I decided it might be best if I spent some time away from Gotham.”  
Teacher: [still trying] “Eventful how?”  
Damian: [turns and gives the coldest death stare ever seen on a twelve-year-old]  
Teacher: “R-r-right. N-never mind. Why’d you choose Paris?”  
Chloé: [flipping her hair over her shoulder] “Isn’t it obvious?”  
Nino: “Because he’s got multiple close friends here?”  
Chloé: “No stupid. Because the most special, beautiful and amazing girl in the entire world lives in Paris.”  
Alya: “Knock it off Chloé.”  
Damian: [it’s always amazing how quickly Damian thaws in the face of people he actually likes. It’s just hard to tell because it’s such a short list] “Actually she’s right.”  
Chloé: [holy shit that actually worked?] “I am? I mean, of course I am!”  
Adrien: [wheezing from laughter] “Oh wow. Now that’s cheesy.”  
Damian: “It’s the truth.”  
Adrien: “And I agree with you there. Doesn’t mean it’s not cheesy.  
Marinette: “I think it’s sweet.”  
Damian: [grabbing the back of her hand and bringing it up for a kiss.] “I’m glad you approve. You should never be unaware of how singularly amazing you are.”  
Adrien: “When did you get smooth you are _not_ smooth. Did Dick give you notes before you left?”  
Damian: [Not even looking at him] “No one asked you Agreste.”  
Kim: “YOU SAID YOUR SOULMATE WAS SHY! NOT THAT HE WAS A BAJILIONAIRE!!”  
Marinette: [like a cheerful little asshole] “It can be both!”  
Chloé: [banshee screech]

You can guess from here how ~~much~~ little education is actually achieved that day.

So Damian’s in Paris full-time now. Cass moved with him so there’s an above-legal age family member there as his custody excuse. _‘Yes of course this was planned and is all above board, look, he’s living with his big sister, see?’_ It’ll be nice to get away from Gotham for a while. See some new sights, take some time to focus on strengthening her long-distance network, ~~tease~~ help her baby brother with his soulmate.

It takes a few weeks for the soulmate gossip to die down. Which, given that Marinette pulled a ‘surprise, this is my soulmate, famous foreign rich mystery child and only blood son of one of the richest/most famous men on the planet so anyway how was everyone’s weekend?’ like it’s just something she could sneak in and have no one notice. Spoiler warning: it’s not.

Cambion takes his place as permanent replacement for Chat Noir. That gossip might never die down.

The people of Paris have questions. Questions like:

Who are you? What happened to Chat Noir? Did you know Ladybug beforehand? Are we going to get another ladybug? What happened to the first ladybug anyway? Why’d you switch? Do you know Psyche? How about Le Paon? Are there any more superpower magic animal things floating around? What are they called anyway? Is Chat Noir ever going to come back? Is he dead something? Can I be the next black cat? How about the next ladybug? Next new animal? Can I scritch your cat ears? **No.**

Ladybug does her best to answer ~~all of the ques–~~ all the _real_ questions. It’s an uphill battle.

Especially since Ladybug and Chat Noir play(ed) nice with the people of Paris and stop(ped) to chat/answer questions with their steadily growing group of supporters. Cambion… doesn’t. So far the grand total of words he’s said to anyone not somehow actively involved in the superbattles is 4. All of them to Alya and they were in order: ‘Get off the street.’ Alya was torn between ecstatic and pissed that day because said ‘‘‘‘interview’’’’ ends with Cambion crushing her phone when she didn’t immediately follow his ‘‘‘suggestion’’’. Yes Ladybug’s cure fixed it like twenty minutes later but that’s not the _point_. (Alya has by this point firmly secured her throne as Marinette’s best female friend so Damian ends up having to listen to her complain about it while Mari and Adrien keep giving him pointed looks).

The police once again look at each other, shrug, and go ‘arrest him?’ ‘sure’ ‘yeah, let’s arrest him’. But um… Cambion plays a little… less nice than Chat Noir did. Chat used to run away (and maybe occasionally tease them a little. but it’s friendly teasing) Cambion does things like cataclysm squad cars. And then when he realizes Ladybug’s cure will always fix a cataclysm but can’t always catch **_all_** the non-magical stuff he starts wrecking them manually. It’s– have you ever seen a cat, make eye contact with a human, and then, still staring straight at them knock a glass off the shelf? It’s that but with squad cars.

On a _completely unrelated note,_ in addition to nightly check-in calls Damian gets weekly calls from his family solely to discuss things like ‘heroic bearing’, ‘civilian relations’ and ‘the importance of still playing nice with police forces’. On an equally unrelated note, all of Dick’s social media accounts went on a two week long cat binge where he posted nothing but cat videos, pictures and memes.

~^~

So that’s the cat. Now onto the butterfly.

Let’s play a game!

It’s the Who the FUCK is Psyche?! Game!

{More Identity Porn!}

Much like its predecessor, Who the Fuck is Hawkmoth?!, I have a feeling the characters will still be playing long after the audience (if you’re still even playing at all and haven’t already won) but hey that just gives you a chance to relax and be a spectator. So get those foam fingers and/or shot glasses ready.

But regardless of whether you’re playing it, Marinette is. Adrien is. The entire Batfam is. Gabriel _sure as **shit**_ is.

Even the police are. Well, technically the police are playing Who the Fuck is _Everybody?!_ But Psyche’s gotten a surprise newcomer lead in the polls for most mysterious. Psyche drops in and out of fights at random, appears and disappears at random, and seems to have entirely her own agenda, the contents of which remain completely unknown. I mean, Le Paon clearly has his own agenda too but he at least has _some_ sort of relationship with Ladybug and Cambion. Also Psyche either gave Officer Roger temporary superpowers or temporarily brainwashed him so there’s that.

* * *

    Emilie’s great jewelry investigation part 3!  
Emilie: “Adrien is that your ring Damian’s wearing?”  
Marinette: “Uhh…”  
Damian: “Madam Agreste forgive me for being rude but aren’t you scheduled to meet your husband in less than ten minutes? If you’re late he may find out about your tendency to escape and put a stop to it.”  
Emilie: “You’re right. [kisses Adrien’s forehead] Bye sweetheart, have fun and remember to be home in time for dinner.”  
Adrien: “I will.”  
Damian:…  
Marinette:…  
Adrien: “Hi Plagg.”  
Plagg: “ _Kiiiid!_ I miss you so much!! Take me back he’s _meeeaaan!_ ”  
Damian: “Tt.”  
Plagg: “He keeps trying to feed me nothing but parmesan! _Parmesan!_ If it wasn’t for Cass I would have _starved!!_ ”  
Adrien: “You do know you still have to stay with him even if I know where you are now, right?”  
Plagg: _“NOOO OOOooooooooo!"_  
Damian: “I’ll stop feeding you parmesan when you stop waking me up in the middle of the night by sitting on me and pawing at my face.”

~^~

    The level of communication in the Agreste household has devolved some.  
Gabriel: “Ladybug–”  
Adrien: “I don’t know who she is.”  
Gabriel: “Cambion–”  
Adrien: “Piss off I don’t know who he is.”  
Gabriel: “I will not allow you to talk to your father that way.”  
Adrien: “Yeah well thanks to you I had to send Plagg out into the universe to be taken up by a stranger so I guess we’re both mad at each other!”  
Gabriel: [holding onto composure by a fucking thread] “Psyche–”  
Emilie: [appearing in the doorway] “What about Psyche? Were you two boys talking about our super…people? Were they on the news again? I must have missed it.”  
Adrien: “Maman! Cass asked us to dinner tonight with her and Damian. [lie] I already asked Père but he said he has to work [super lie] so I guess it’ll just be the four of us.”  
Emilie: “That sounds lovely. We should probably leave now if we don’t want to be late. We can pick up a dessert on the way.”  
Gabriel: “Emilie–”  
Emilie: “Don’t worry love, we’ll have Gorilla drive us. Don’t work too hard!”

~^~

The Ladyblog runs several superhero polls, including ‘Favorite Newbie’ which Cambion wins handily and the much more contested ‘Best Black Cat’. Damian does not pout when Chat Noir wins. He **doesn’t.** Adrien’s just seeing things and being a bad winner. And anyway it’s a digital quiz; there’s no way his family didn’t skew it so it doesn’t actually count.

…

shut up no one asked you.

~^~

Let’s get my favorite side ship going!

In canon Alya and Nino get their first nudge from Marinette playing matchmaker via locking them in a cage together. Here it’s a slower burn and Damian is the impetus. Cambion almost immediately gets tired of Alya’s newshound lunacy and in very short order decides to nominate it as Nino’s problem. Nino very quickly earns the title of ‘person Cambion’s spoken most to’ and a solid 90% of it is Cambion _shoving_ Alya at him and telling him to get her off the street. Nino’s success rate at actually doing so is a solid 37%. And falling!

* * *

Side Quest!

Get Damian and Marinette to go on a first date!

It starts when Rose and Juleka go to an outdoor concert of one of their favorite local bands. Unlike most of their favorite bands which are more rock/metal this band is soft strings and romantic lyrics. At some point between arriving at the concert and leaving it the concert has become a _date._

And just like that _dating_ has become a thing the class does.

Damian and Marinette, as the other soulmate pair in the class, realize for all they’ve been ‘together’ since Damian moved to Paris they’ve never actually _gone_ on a date.

Clearly something must be done.

Marinette panics. She calls up the entire female half of the class (yes even Chloé and Sabrina) to come up with a plan for the Best Date Ever. The girls are somewhat surprised Marinette somehow _forgot_ the actually _dating_ part of, you know, _dating._

Damian ~~panics~~ _strategizes._ He calls up the entirely of his family to come up with a plan for the Best Date Ever. The Batfam is in no way surprised Damian somehow _forgot_ the actually _dating_ part of, you know, _dating._

Never fear, help is here!

Like any piece of comedy media that involves a plan with twenty separate steps, multiple subsections, and fifteen different participants it fails miserably.

Emergency teams are eventually able to rescue the skywriter from the top of the Grande Arche. The plane full of flower petals unfortunately is deemed a lost cause.

* * *

The next seismic shift comes during the coven’s next large-scale attack.

So.

It turns out.

That summoning and controlling a flock of pterodactyls…

And summoning and controlling a giant mythical sea monster from beyond the deep…

Are two _entirely_ different things.

…

Who knew, right?

So Cthulhu’s baby cousin’s got plunked smack dab into the middle of the Seine and it’s all hands on deck to the point even the cultists are helping. The only one making a dent is Psyche’s current butterfly, aka Damian’s much scarier than advertised older sister.

It’s not going well.

They need more help.

That’s when the next newcomer drops into the fight.

Kind of.

Does it count as a newcomer if it’s a returner?

(You knew I wasn’t going to keep Adrien out of the fun for long.)

Adrien’s the Guardian and he knows where Marinette keeps the miracle box (under her bed, left side, next to her old diaries (never open upon pain of death) behind the box holding her sewing memories) so he’s got his pick of kwamis.

“Like my grandfather before me, I am **Jade Turtle**.”

He might be kind of absolutely channeling every shonen anime he’s ever watched and maybe possibly absolutely most of the shoujo animes too.

Am I taking the fan name for Turtle!Nino turned canon name for Turtle!Fu and repurposing it? Yes. Yes I am. Specifically, he’s the second Jade Turtle. Something which he makes sure to tell Alya in her post-fight guerrilla interview. He doesn’t however, explain anything _else._

The people of Paris have _a lot more questions than that._

With the addition of Jade Turtle they just manage to squeak out a win and send baby Cthulhu packing.

Right. Problem they created gone, truce over. The coven leader is absolutely the type of dick who’d end a truce with a backstab.

    Jade Turtle: “Did you just try to stab me?”  
Coven Leader: [holding a knife still poised mid-lunge] Nnn– [fuck it] –Yes.” [Lunge!]  
Jade Turtle: [reaches up to touch his now bleeding cheek] “Again? _Really?”_  
Coven Leader: “You may as well give up, _Guardian._ [oh shit, how does he know?] “Your grandfather was a failure as a guardian. [oh yeah… Adrien just publicly claimed Fu’s old miraculous name and relation to him. Good gob Adrien!] He should have given us the miracle box decades ago. Instead he fled. Like a coward. Just like his replacement did. Your mother?”  
[Okay now that’s a step too far.]  
[Adrien decks him.]  
Coven Leader: [only just now realizing how much shit he just stepped in] “I-I– I have your blood. I can track you anywhere. B-Beyond the boundaries of–”  
Jade Turtle: “My godfather is Batman. Do you really think the same trick is going to work twice? Now. [stalking forward] Let me show you what kind of guardian **_I_** am.”  
Coven Leader:…

Wow. Look at him go.

Fleeing. Like a coward.

So. Miracle box. Mystery Mother. _Batman._

**_These are some of the questions Paris would like answered now._ **

The Ladyblog, as expected, _explodes_. Alya has _sooooooo_ many theories. On everything. The Ladyblog’s chat forum has even more. Everyone has ideas.

Well– Almost.

Five of the biggest voices on the forum – a colony of anonymous users only known by their screen names – `Just_Winging_It` , `SpoilingUrPlans` , `BestBat` , `RR_coffee_fiend` and `in_the_hood` three guesses who they are and the first two don’t count – known for keeping the forum somewhere between civil and sane and starting endless shit exclusively between themselves – are notably silent. After a week where the rest of the Ladyblog community get progressively more worried because the colony have been long-pegged (though not _technically_ confirmed) as Gothamites, they reappear all at once having re-formatted the forum to make it easier to mod (without Alya’s knowledge at all, seriously, when and how did they do that?) and bearing gifts of entrance into a couple private Gothamite forums which have, predictably, also been blowing up since Jade Turtle’s little declaration.

~^~

Bonus:

The Justice League Watchtower has a monitor exclusively dedicated to Paris news. The news of Batman being Jade Turtle’s godfather makes the rounds pretty damn quickly. Especially the part about how when Superman and Wonder Woman heard the first and so far only thing they’ve done is reach for the Kryptonian/Amazonian strength liquor.

Bonus Bonus:

    Gabriel: _“WHEN THE HELL DID **BATMAN** BECOME YOUR GODFATHER!?”_  
Adrien: “I mean, it’s not like it’s _official_ or anything.”  
Gabriel: “ _THAT’S NOT THE POINT HERE!!”_  
Nathalie: “Adrien, do you mean to say that you just fraudulently claimed Batman as your godfather on a live public broadcast? Am I going to have to deal with an aggravated Batman now?”  
Adrien: “Nah, he’ll be cool with it.”  
Gabriel: [higher brain functions offline. reverting to base directive] “Hand me the turtle.”  
Adrien: “GaveittoLadybugI’mgoingtogostartonhomeworkbeforemyphotoshootbye!”

* * *

If we were to think about this au in a more episodic, ML format, Chapter one would have been the backstory/origin episode you only get halfway through season five, Chapter two would have been season one with Cambion dropping down as the definitive season ending cliffhanger, complete with anticlimactic season opening follow-up, and now with Jade Turtle we’ve hit the end of season two. Which means we’ve hit season three aka the point you’re pretty sure the writer’s room started day drinking.

Also, for those of you who read the pre-chapter notes I finally pay off on those pigeons.

A lot.

* * *

Sadly, rogue magical covens bent on the destruction and conquest of all that they see don’t last long without being able to adapt. Even more sadly for our heroes, this particular coven of power-mad nutjobs, for all they don’t always seem like it, have been around a pretty damn long while. If magical blood tracing isn’t going to work they’ll just go back to some old ways of tracking.

No one _really_ notices when pigeons start going missing. I mean, sure some people might feel like there’s less around than normal but there’s always some. Divebombing trash cans and side-eying your sandwich. Honestly, people only really notice the weird guy in the park screaming about it becomes a chrysalis. (because while technically wanted by the police and all that jazz she’s not exactly a Hawkmoth-level supervillain to warrant a word that’s Japanese for demon. Besides, Psyche leans more into the Greek myth aesthetic.) That gets people’s attention.

With the help of Mr. Pigeon, they’re able to find and free all the trapped pigeons before they can be sacrificed for the coven‘s dark purpose.

…Except for the part where that’s not what the coven was trying to do.

~^~

    Day 1  
pigeon: “roo!”  
Jade Turtle: “Shoo! Shoo! Sh-Achoo!”  
pigeon: “roo?”

    Day 3  
Adrien: “Have you noticed the pigeons acting weird lately?”  
Marinette: “Weird how?”  
Adrien: “Does it seem like there’s more of them?”  
Marinette: “Are you sure that’s not your allergies talking?”

    Day 5  
Adrien: “I swear there’s more pigeons than there used to be.”  
Alya: “Of course it seems like it. The coven of evil was kidnapping them for weeks. One of the Ladyblog’s new forum contributors has been tracing back the pigeon loss using a program he created to track the Ratcatcher’s rats and–”  
Damian: “Are you talking about Patrick Fitz? His algorithm is entirely untransferable to our circumstances.”  
Alya: “Is this because rats aren’t birds? Because he used it on those feral penguins you guys had last year and–”  
Damian: “No. It’s because those penguins, like the rats, were _mind controlled._ Fitz’s algorithm assumes–”  
Alya: “Even if the rats were directed it’s still a good resource for–”  
Damian: “You can’t just _disregard_ the mind control. It _completely_ alters the potential trajectory of…”  
Nino: “Dude. Back away while you can. They can and will go on like this for **hours.** ”

    Day 9  
pigeon: “roo roo!”  
Marinette:…  
pigeon: “roo?”  
Marinette: “Adrien’s got me overthinking it now too.”

    Day 11  
Nino: “…Dude. What’s with all the pigeons following you?”  
Adrien: “Achoo! Achoo! _Achoo!!!”_

    Day 13  
Ladybug: “Alright. I admit it. Something weird’s going on with the pigeons.”  
Cambion: “The pigeons are being controlled by the coven. Black Bat and I have been tracking them and studying their patterns but they don’t appear to be moving in any sort of pattern that could act as a conduit for magical energies so the working assumption is that the coven is using them for surveillance and information gathering. Since they have yet to make a move against us out of uniform I have to assume they haven’t been able to verifiably discover our identities yet.”  
Jade Turtle: “Is that why there’s been twelve Mr. Pigeon sightings in the last seven days?”  
Cambion: “Most likely. His powers seem to at least partially negate their hold on the pigeons.”  
Ladybug: [deep, _very controlled_ breath] “And you didn’t mention this earlier _because…?”_  
Cambion: “I…[oh fuck. Is this what Dick meant about accidently pissing off your girlfriend] assumed you’d already figured it out?”  
[Ladybug takes another deep breath. Fuck it is. he really should have actually paid attention to Dick’s advice on how to fix things.] [too fucking late now!]  
Ladybug: “Damian, as your soulmate and your girlfriend I appreciate that you think so highly of my intellect but you need to communicate with me. I am not a bat; I don’t look at weird pigeons and automatically assume nefarious mind-control scheme.”

One conversation with their kwamis and one video call with Zatanna ‘it’s 2:27 a.m. here you seriously woke me up to ask about freakin’ _pigeons?’_ Zatara and they’re pretty sure the pigeons are homing in on the residual magic on them from repeated kwami use. (Homing Pigeons!) (I am aware I amuse no one other than myself, but this whole series is sheer self-indulgence so. Homing Pigeons.)

You know what this means right?

New Heroes!!

Again!!!

Yay!!!!

There’s an obvious first choice here. The _other_ bat-trained former baby assassin currently in Paris.

    Damian: “Cain currently is not in Paris.”  
Marinette: _“What?!?”_  
Adrien: _“But you **live** with her!?!”_  
Damian: “One of her contacts required her assistance with a mission. She’s in Kazan since last week and will most likely be gone until the end of the month. Unless the bread really is possessed. In which case she may take longer.”  
Marinette: “Does that mean you’ve been living alone?”  
Damian: [little baby assassin sees no problem with this] “Yes? It has been simple enough to keep up appearances and she will return once her mission is complete.”  
Marinette: “Are you at least using Kaalki to go home to Wayne Manor at night?”  
Damian: [remember your siblings’ advice on angry girlfriends. Agree with everything] “Yes.”  
Marinette: “I know you’re lying. I can hear it in your voice.”  
Damian: “It’s the middle of the afternoon there. And what if something happens during the night?”  
Marinette: “Damian, **_you have to tell me things._** You’re spending the night at my house. I love you and I’m not letting you hole up alone one more night. We’ll work up a schedule. I’m sure we can put you at Nino’s for a few days. And then maybe Nathaniel or Max. Kim’s family’s spare bedroom is always open and no you’re not allowed to complain or stab him. Not even a little. And another… Damian?”  
Damian: “You love me?”  
Marinette: “What! No I don’t! I mean I do! I mean actually I meant to opposite of what I said. So I really hate… you? _Wait NO!!!! That’s not what I meant!!!_ Yes I love you. It’s not a big deal, it’s totally not a big deal I’ve loved you for years. No wait! I didn’t mean it like that! I love a lot of people. Of course I love you I love Adrien too. Not that I love you the same way!! Adrien’s a brother and you’re– y-you’re I meant of course I love you what’s not to love? Not to say that you’re perfect or anything of course not. Not to say you aren’t perfect! You are! I mean–”  
[stuttering Marinette activated!]

Yeah, no more planning’s getting done today.

{first I love you!}

~^~

Because, of course this is how the universe works, Le Paon launches an attack three days later.

It’s Gabriel. Do we _really_ need to fight him? Can’t we just send in Adrien in an oversized hooded jacket to yell at him? That would work right?

We need some temporary heroes.

It’ll be fine, it’ll be a one-time thing and it won’t be for long enough for the pigeons to start stalking them.

Totally.

_Suuure._

Adrien flexes his guardian skills and grabs the fox miraculous.

He knows exactly who to give it to.

    Jade Turtle: “Nino Lahiffe, this is the fox miraculous of illusion. My compatriots are currently unable to fight. I ask that you take up this fight and then return the miraculous to me. Will you accept this burden?”

Introducing–

**Reynard!**

Reynard and Cambion handle the fight. They were **all** _supposed_ to sit out too but that would have thrown an untrained civilian alone into the fight. Damian’s the most skilled at evasion so crappy compromise it is. Said fight largely consists of Le Paon ignoring Reynard and yelling at Cambion about ‘new wielders’ and ‘irresponsibility’ while the multi-armed abomination made out of some poor kid’s baseball bat plays ‘Strike out the new guy’. Reynard would like it known that these two’s dysfunction (already well known and heavily theorized on) is even weirder up close.

But we win so go team!

Reynard starts a new newbie leaderboard.

~^~

Two days after that Le Paon attacks again.

Right. Not going to

Introducing–

**Bhramari!**

Bhramari and Cambion go out and fight. It very quickly becomes evident that unleashing these two lunatics unsupervised isn’t the smartest thing ever. A more experienced Alya with only powers of illusion and Ladybug guiding her would stop and think. A newbie Alya with a stabby-stabby weapon and Cambion egging her own is going to not.

Bhramari joins the newbie leaderboard.

~^~

One day after that Le Paon attacks _again._

_*siiiigh*_

Gabriel you asshole please stop tormenting your son.

I realize communication between the two of you is strained but large-scale magical attacks are not the way to fix things. They’re only going to make things worse. Adrien’s already feeling attacked, actually attacking is not helping that.

I don’t care if your sentimonsters have strict orders not to go after him, Adrien’s ‘throw myself directly into the line of fire repeatedly until either we win or I die’ fighting style means he’s still getting hit. (Also, you know, the others in the fight are also children. Gabriel stop siccing giant monsters on twelve-year-olds you absolute douchemonkey.)

You know what? Whatever. Shove Adrien in Tom’s jacket and one of Damian’s spare dominoes and let him go yell at Le Paon.

Alya posts a video of Cambion standing there bodyguard style while an identity obscured Adrien yelling at Le Paon about evil pigeons and how it would be easier to be responsible if _someone_ stopped flipping attacking every other day. Over on the forum the colony all post videos of the batkids all with the same caption: Welcome to the Madness. Videos include: Nightwing yelling at Batman about kumquats; Red Hood in an *ahem* _spirited_ three-way debate with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn about nail polish color (Harley), durability (Hood) and sustainability (Ivy); Red Robin lecturing Penguin about the conservation practices of Gotham Zoo; Black Bat in a staring contest with a small child from the roof of the Batmobile; and Spoiler mocking a giant green snake who may or may not be Beast Boy.

~^~

That collective mess of Gotham pride/welcoming reigns supreme for less than a week before they’re usurped by videos of the next fight at taken by the class. They show Reynard, Bhramari and Cambion fighting Le Paon’s newest sentimonster – or more accurately Reynard and Bhramari are fighting the monster while Cambion goes after Le Paon – when Psyche slams into frame punching Le Paon hard enough he loses the amok controlling the sentimonster. She grabs it and flips herself on top of the sentimonster like she’s riding a T-Rex. (the amok being a toy t-rex and therefore looking like one helps) Ladybug can be heard yelling followed by Ptyler’s screech. (Nathaniel gets a spectacular clip of Ladybug getting dragged behind Ptyler by her yoyo) Psyche then throws the amok at Reynard, launches herself in the air and lands on top of Ptyler and flies him off in what is quickly hotly debated as either stealing the bad guy’s ride or getting picked up by her boss.

An edited compilation of the fight is posted to the main part of the Ladyblog. For _some mysterious reason,_ Alya was unable to film anything this time.

~^~

Nino and Alya are friends. There’s definitely sparks between the two of them, ones that light up every time Cambion would literally throw them together. But unlike canon-canon where Nino and Alya got locked in a cage alone together for several hours and really had no choice but to bond, this Nino and Alya have never yet to get a final push from ‘sparks’ to ‘more.’

And now they’ve got secret identities to protect. Plus… well Bhramari kind of caught Nino’s eye from the start. And Reymond’s even more attractive up close than Alya thought. The first moment they see each other both on that battlefield brand new sparks light up.

{If you thought a Love Square **wasn’t** going to get pulled out somewhere I want to you go sit in the corner and think about your life choices.}

* * *

Three days after _that_ the coven attacks.

Well at least it’s a change of pace.

Nino and Alya going against Gabriel is one thing but no one wants to send newbies against the coven. In a Hail Mary attempt to keep the pigeons at bay (Damian has reached critical mass of pigeon followers) Marinette, Adrien and Damian change miraculous. Adrien and Marinette swap and Damian decides against Wayzz and takes Trixx instead. 

The newbie leader board goes nuts.

Lady Noire and Mr. Bug were smart enough to name themselves on-site but Damian didn’t bother to.

Which is a really fucking stupid thing to do when you have five older siblings.

And thus, Vermillion Vengeance is born.

Damian is going to kill all of them. He really is.

~^~

Everyone braces for the onslaught of pigeons the next day. It’s been a pattern: use your miraculous, spend the next day dodging pigeons.

Except there’s… less pigeons normal not more? And all the pigeons look really confused.

    pigeon: [Flies up and sniffs Adrien. Cocks its head. Sniffs him again. Flutters around in confused circles. Sniffs Marinette. Starts cooing and fluttering frantically. Sniffs Damian, sniffs Marinette, sniffs Adrien getting more and more upset. Flutters around even more then finally flies off in a panic.]  
Adrien: “You mean to tell me all we had to do to get the pigeons off our backs was _switch miraculouses!?!”_  
Damian: “Incompetent, emptyheaded… _morons._ ”  
Marinette: “At least it’s safe for us to fight again?”

* * *

Hey.

Hey Hey.

You know what this means?

Miraculous Hot Potato

_It’ll be great!_

{complete abandonment of sanity}

Some are yoinked straight from fanon, some yoinked from mythology, and some just made up wholesale. It’s a lot of names, some… better than others. Go easy on me.

Any and all canon names we’re keeping wholesale so we can just skip right over those.

Bee!Marinette – **Marigold** (Shamelessly taken from zoe-oneesama’s Scarlet Lady au which is quite possibly the single best thing in the entire ML fandom)

Turtle!Marinette – **Áo** Dipping into Mari’s Chinese heritage a bit for her name.

Fox!Marinette – **Húxiān** Dipping into Mari’s Chinese heritage again.

Bee!Adrien – **Honeycomb** So many bee jokes. Someone please take this miraculous away from him. Please. Before Damian stabs him.

Fox!Adrien – **Fox Fire** Do you know how royally pissed Damian is that Adrien gets a normal name just weeks after he gets saddled with _Vermilion Vengeance_? Do you!?!

Turtle!Damian – **Kaśyapa** `Just_Winging_It` petitioned hard for ‘Ninja Turtle’ but got shot down. The comment mysteriously disappeared replaced only with a single completely anonymous comment telling all of them to knock it off. `Just_Winging_It` responded by calling out someone named the Oracle (no username even remotely matching has been found) for favoritism. The entire comment thread has since also disappeared replaced with a gif of Nightwing smacking into a wall.

Bee!Damian – **Sting**

Ladybug!Damian – **Salam** Everyone expects him to visibly hate it given that it was suggested by `BestBat` championed by `Just_Winging_It` and taken up by the rest of the colony but he actually seems to like it well enough.

Cass comes back from her mission and dedicates herself to becoming Paris’s resident cryptid. She claims the entire lower half of the miracle box as her own, switches miraculous at random and will never be proven to exist. Like, sure buddy, there’s another miraculous user running around, who no one’s ever photographed and whose powers change and who none of our heroes ever mention. 

They also start teaching Nino and Alya the ropes and bringing them in as reserves because their super sponsor is Batman, aka Mr. _why yes this small child is my crime fighting partner why do you ask?_

Ladybug!Alya – **Lady Luck**

Cat!Alya – **Miss Fortune** Pun provided by Adrien.

Turtle!Alya – **Shell Shock** (yes I know this is the canon name for evil!Nino I'm using it anyway) Functionally her fighting turtle style is a bit in the vein of 90s Captain America hopped on steroids. Aka this is technically a defensive weapon but watch me slam it into people’s faces. Nino kind of thinks her name sounds like a villain name. Alya thinks it sounds cool. Adrien privately agrees with Alya. Marinette privately agrees with Nino. Damian thinks she’s not getting the turtle miraculous back until she learns to stop throwing her shield at people – _it does not come back Shell Shock!_

Ladybug!Nino – **Ladybeetle** Since Mr. Bug was taken…

Cat!Nino – **Chat Nuit** (Another name lifted shamelessly from fandom. Eh, Félix isn’t using it.)

Bee!Nino – **Buzzer** Shut up I’m trying.

The only two hard and fast rules are 1) if either the ladybug or black cat’s in play, then both are in play and 2) newbies are always accompanied by at least one experienced hero.

And with our full rotation sorted out the true insanity can begin. For those keeping count (god knows I’m not) that’s 27 different identities. Not counting any of Psyche’s butterflies or the coven or Cryptid Cass. (dear god why do I do this to myself?)

Most citizens though agree that it’s a case of many identities, few people. There’s some initial disagreement over who exactly is who but with some gentle (and not so gentle) nudging from the colony they get there. 

The Ladyblog forum starts coming up with titles so they can have a unified name to call everyone. (Because that’s what we really need here. More names.)

Adrien naturally gets Guardian given that the coven keeps calling him it and he keeps yelling about how he’s the guardian to Le Paon (angrily) and Psyche (trying to get her attention, stop running away and talk to me dammit just tell me how you got that broach!!!)

Marinette becomes Champion. (‘The Boss’ and ‘Boss Lady’ are also acceptable nicknames.)

Damian no one can decide on a name. No one can decide on a consensus and the colony is not helpful. All of their suggestions are either inside jokes or bird puns. There’s a handful of accepted ones that get used that people’ll recognize as meaning Damian. Most commonly the Professional or the Scary One.

Nino ends up with Haven once it becomes clear how defense-heavy his fighting style is. (Actual defense, not Adrien’s human shield style defense)

Finally, Alya gets dubbed Wildcard. Self-explanatory.

* * *

Side Quest!

Get Damian and Marinette to go on a first date take 2!

Alright. Nice and simple. An early dinner, a walk along the Seine, ice cream from André’s. Nice and simple.

Le Paon’s been beefing with the coven more than usual lately. The day of the date is the day it finally boils over.

They immediately get texts from both Adrien and Cass assuring them that ‘it’s fine, they’ve got this, enjoy your date!’

Two minutes after they sit down the cute romantic little café they chose Chat Nuit gets thrown through the wall and into their table. His eyes go saucer wide as he tries oh so desperately to reassure them ‘not to worry, the superheroes have this covered, enjoy your date citizens’. Adrien is _not_ going to be the reason this date fails.

They try the patio. Shell Shock gets thrown into their table. At least she gets Shelter up before the hail of ice daggers hits.

They go to a different café. Mr. Bug gets thrown through the ceiling.

They go to the park. That’s when Psyche joins the fight. She’s less interested in peacekeeping the feud and more interested in attacking all parties involved.

And that’s the point Cass drops in with the fox and bee miraculous.

* * *

The colony quickly start entertaining themselves by starting fights amongst themselves by each picking a persona of the same hero and loudly claiming theirs as the best. They’ll pull as many other people on the forum into it as they can, rallying and organizing them into armies and pitching fierce digital war. They do this every couple of weeks.

And now, the truly fun part: The Shipping.

There are anywhere from 5 to 25 teenagers in superspandex running around Paris’s rooftops and trading witty banter. Every possible combination is shipped by _someone._ ( _Every_ possible combination.) Damian’s siblings are having a wee of a time sending him screencaps of Salam/Sting, VV/Cambion Kaśyapa/Jade Turtle…

Damian is going to kill all of them. He really, really is.

Some ships in ascending order of popularity are:

Wildcard/Guardian – Does anyone _really_ think they’re actually interested in each other? No but no one cares. They’re here for the **banter.**

Haven/Guardian – The single purest ship

Guardian/any member of the Batfamily – The only ‘outsider’ ship of any real popularity. The phrase ‘godfather Batman’ gets thrown out a lot.

Champion/Wildcard – There’s this one clip of Ladybug picking Shell Shock up and physically throwing her at a coven member. It is their rallying cry.

Wildcard/Haven – There’s no quantifiable reason behind this beyond they fit well together.

And the two most popular, in a dead-heat bitter battle to the death: Guardian/Champion vs Champion/the Scary One. One side has matching alternate identity names, physical closeness, clear emotional intimacy, familiarity and the fact that they were the original two and the other side has a huge pile of ‘he does _not_ look like that for anyone else and the backing of the entire colony.

* * *

So the spy pigeons are no longer working out exactly as the coven hoped. But it’s still an army of 80,000 pigeons under their control.

Nominal control. Pigeon whispers they aint.

Mr. Pigeon is one of Psyche’s most frequent Chrysalises. Now _he’s_ a pigeon whisperer. And none too happy about his precious babies being used this way.

Remember, our least favorite coven is highly adaptable.

Step One: Send the four unlucky saps who are lowest on the coven totem pole to draw out and keep away Damian. This will not work if the scary one is there to stop this. Because he **would** stop it. You know what, distract Marinette too, she wouldn’t take this shit either.

Step Two: Start vanishing pigeons again. It doesn’t take long for Psyche to crash the party and bring Mr. Pigeon as her dance partner.

Step Three: Offer Mr. Pigeon complete control of all the pigeons if he joins the coven.

    Mr. Pigeon: “……deal.” [rips the paper holding the butterfly and skips over to evil.”  
Ladybeetle: “What.”  
Miss Fortune: “This is not how I expected out first solo run to go.”  
Psyche: “I… don’t even know what do with this.”

Step four: Profit.

* * *

Side Quest!

Get Damian and Marinette to _Actually_ go on a first date!

School holiday’s coming up and they can use Kaalki to get back to Paris if they’re needed so Damian and Cass are going home for a week. It’s easy enough to invite Marinette to come with them and convince Tom and Sabine.

Since Paris didn’t work out let’s try a date in Gotham.

Atomic-Man takes one look at Damian’s sparkles and sugar soulmate and figures kidnapping an honorary Wayne is an easy way to boost his status into the big leagues.

Two hours later he breaks into the Gotham police station and begs the first officer he sees to arrest him. _She’s a **non-Gotham civilian child** why the fuck is she so scary?_

* * *

Because nothing is original and I am a hack, Chloé will end up accidentally in possession of a miraculous.

It goes like this. Trickster, Toy Man and the Mad Hatter get a _liiitttle_ bit absolutely shitfaced drunk and get into an _itty bitty_ pissing contest from hell that devolves into who can wreak the most havoc. It’s a whole bunch of exploding rubber ducks, electrified jump ropes, tea cups full of acid, all that good stuff. It’s… manageable. All the way up until Hatter calls in a favor and suddenly it becomes a team sport.

It’s the perfect sort of low risk high panic all spare hands on deck mission to introduce Ladybug and Chat Noir to the larger superhero stage. Do some light networking, bill themselves as ‘friendly and non-threatening to civilians , work on buffing up that public image a bit past ‘oh hey I know you, aren’t you wanted by the French government?’. Robin is… good at none of these things… but he is a member of one of the most well-established superfamilies which makes him an acceptable guide.

Publicly Damian’s going home for a few days and Marinette and Adrien are joining him. Publically Cass is joining them but in actuality she’s staying with the horse miraculous and a second of her choosing to babysit Paris since Adrien isn’t comfortable leaving the entire box behind.

It’s fine for the first day or so until Jason takes a nasty hit in a high-stakes version of pop goes the weasel and Cass needs to go home and ~~fuss over~~ check on her brother.

Alya damn near loses her shit when a dark shadowy figure drops down from the rafters right in front of her. And she’s in a horse-themed miraculous suit.

Holy shit the miraculous cryptid is _real._

    NightMare (a collective name used by all the bats because Dick’s never met a pun he didn’t like): “I need to leave. [shoves Mullo’s miraculous into Alya’s hands] Mouse miraculous. Duplication. You’re on babysitting duty.”  
[calls up a portal and drops into it before Alya can ask or say anything]

Like a surprise storm literally less than thirty seconds after Cass leaves a hoard of pigeons with GoPros strapped to them appear. Followed closely by at least half the magical coven.

    Coven Leader: [swooping in on Ptyler] “Since you so enjoy the spotlight I thought it only fitting to ensure your demise is public.”  
Alya: “Oh _shit._ ”

Nino really would have been a better choice of babysitter. Because _Nino_ didn’t just post an absolutely scathing video about the coven’s not-so-fearless leader. And surprise surprise turns he’s an _incredibly_ thin-skinned violently petty little bitch. With her every move being magically broadcast from pigeon-vision there’s no chance to use the miraculous. She can’t even hand it off to someone she trusts, because the _stupid pigeons would film the hand off._ She does the only thing she can do. She waits she’s able to get away for even a second, chucks the pendant at the nearest human-shaped shadow and prays they aren’t horrible.

Alya gets trapped. A half a dozen coven members drop out of the sky to surround her. The coven leader drops out of the sky in front of her holding a crooked dagger. (the guy’s got a _theme,_ okay?)

So this is it. This is how Alya dies.

A masked figure drops out of the sky.

“Have no fear for the _true_ hero of Paris has arrived. I am… **Super Souris!**

    Super Souris!: “Yes I am so magnanimous and amazing even losers like you will be saved.”  
Alya: “Holy shit universe I said someone not horrible.”  
Pigeon: [hopping closer to get a better shot] “roo?”  
Super Souris!: “Eeeewww! Get that disgusting rat with wings away from me!!”  
Mr. Pigeon: [drops out of the sky] “Hey! Don’t insult my babies!”  
Alya: “ANYONE _ELSE_ WANT TO DROP OUT OF THE SKY!!”  
[Psyche drops out of the sky]  
Well at least Alya has an actually competent protector now. Also butterfly superpowers.

Lesson learned. Next time you have to go on vacation give the others their miraculous ahead of time, hire a proper babysitter rather than relying on family and let Psyche know (if you can find her). Also, Wildcard told Haven about meeting the Paris cryptid and they would now really like a better explanation than ‘Cambion’s sister’. That doesn’t answer anything it just creates more questions.

~^~

So that’s Super Souris. Paris’s _premier_ superheroine and don’t worry, she won’t let you forget it.

To make matters even worse she somehow gets _sanctioned_ by the French authority. She’s the _authorized_ superhero of Paris. Her first task is to clean up Paris of all superpowered criminals. Which, yeah, still includes all of our heroes.

Have fun with that.

If you took Pokémon’s Team Rocket, Danny Phantom’s the Box Ghost, and Phineas and Ferb’s Candace, put them in a blender, puréed them for twenty seconds and threw in an entire bottle of hero-delusion juice you’d have a near-perfect encapsulation of Super Souris. An often but not always enemy, upholding the rule of law and will of the authority, doomed always to failure, never truly hated by our heroes and certainly never feared. Meant as comic relief and low-stakes ‘warm-up fights’.

She does occasionally get flashes of competence, usually in fights she’s temporarily on our heroes’ side. Once, during a particularly apocalypsey fight Áo gets the mouse pendant from Chloé then gives it back to her so she can help fight. (Not because of the apocalypse part – Marinette only found out about it after the fact and Chloé never found out at all – but because Ptyler destroyed her favorite make-up place and Chloé was spitting _fire._ )

* * *

A fight goes long. Sting used his stinger early in it protecting Húxiān. He’s halfway through kicking a coven member in the face when his last counter times down. His transformation drops.

…

He’s still wearing a mask.

And now he’s got a _sword._

…

The coven gives up early that day.

~^~

Are you really surprised Damian at least partially suits up before transforming? Really? Marinette’s not. She’d be more surprised to learn he didn’t.

~^~

Domino masks for everyone!

~^~

A few of the Gothamite Ladyblog followers figures out that the masked vigilante with the sword in Paris looks an awful lot like a certain masked vigilante who’s appearances have been rather spotty the past year or so. Damian’s been using Kaalki to pull the occasional patrol here and there but mostly his focus has been in Paris. The _hey I found our lost bird_ makes the Gotham gossip rounds. Gothamites are torn between pride at their most littlest baby bird off in Paris kicking ass and causing international incidents and being upset that Paris _stole_ their Robin. Couldn’t he have just brought his girlfriend and godbrother back to Gotham with him? There’s always room for another couple capes in their roost.

It takes a couple more days for the revelation to filter over to the Parisian side of the Ladyblog. When it does they’re torn between screaming the news from the rooftops and the fact that thanks to the no foreign heroes rule it would literally cause an international incident to out him as Robin. It might even force him to have to leave.

The identity of _‘‘‘Totally not Robin’’’ *wink*_ becomes something of an open secret in Paris.

Rena and Carapace do totally stare at him the next time they see him which pisses Dami off and earns them a training session from hell but it’s totally worth it when they get confirmation. And it _also_ means Paris’s cryptid is a bat _holy shit Black Bat has been super quiet for the last year or so is their cryptid **Black Bat? Can I get her autograph??**_

Super Souris, when next seen, is entirely unaware of Cambion’s true avian identity.

* * *

Side Quest!

Get Damian and Marinette **_Finally_** to go on a first date.

They try using Kaalki to have a picnic on a nice, scenic, remote island.

They get as far as putting their picnic basket on the ground before two dozen giant genetically modified shrews run out of the woods and try to eat them.

They weren’t expecting a fight. They only have Kaalki and Damian dressed for a _date._ He’s only got _three_ knives on him. That’s not _nearly_ enough.

Have you ever seen The Killer Shrews? It’s like that only not laughably ineffectual and instead of cute little puppers in cheap costumes it’s actual seven-foot bloodthirsty rodents with teeth as long as their arms and poisonous bites.

Damian’s ‘out sick’ for the next week while he recuperates and Bruce works out a proper antidote.

But at least they didn’t have to actually amputate after all.

* * *

Damian, Marinette and Adrien have more experience, have full-time access to the miracle box, know all of what’s going on, know everyone’s secret identities (except Pscyche _who the hell is she? what does she **want?**_ ) They’re still very much a unit in and of themselves.

So in turn Haven and Wildcard have basically formed their own separate sub-team. They’re a team, a pair. They have each other’s backs and know what the other’s going to do on the battlefield. It’s someone to tell supersecrets to and bond over grueling training sessions with and listen to their fears.

And it’s _really not helping the feelings they keep having for each other._

They don’t even know each other’s _names_ and Nino’s not sure about starting a relationship like that. Besides, he can still remember the first time he met her as Bhramari, how all he could feel at the time was panic because he couldn’t find Alya. So maybe he should be focusing there? And Alya seems really interested in Haven but is it wrong to use his superhero persona to flirt with her or is it okay?

And Haven doesn’t want to start a relationship on secrets. Which is fine except for the part where he’s a giant hypocrite by continually flirting with civilian her. Honestly Nino would make such a better boyfriend. Except for the part where he smiled at her yesterday and all she could think of was Haven and holy fuck is that not fair to Nino. Apparently her stupid heart has decided it’s Haven or nothing.

The love square has reached critical mass. 

Damian, as reluctant angry captain of the hood ship SS My Friends Are Idiots has reached his breaking point. (it’s your karmic penance for your actions in a past au Dami. Specifically the main one.)

He calls both of them for a training session and just steals their miraculous off them halfway through.  


    ‘not-Robin’: [while the other two are still staring blankly at each other] “Just. Stop.”  
[Alya and Nino are still staring]  
‘not-Robin’: “You’re both head over heels for each other and only each other. There’s no reason for you to be jealous or confused – there’s no one for you to be jealous or confused over.”  
[Alya and Nino are now opening and closing their mouthed like fish.]  
‘not-Robin’: “Your constant pining and feelings are impacting your performance and distracting me personally. I cannot take it any more so Just. Stop.”  
Alya: “um…”  
Nino: “ah…”  
‘not-Robin’: “Honestly. You should have come to one of us about revealing your identities to each other. It wouldn’t have been an issue. Now, clearly you’re both in no state to train. We’ll work on separating your emotions from a fight next training session. But for now enjoy your newly unmasked mutual infatuation.” [swings off before Alya or Nino shake out of it]

~^~

The ship war implodes on itself.

First the coven leader gets a little too close and creepy with Fox Fire and Áo shield punches him yelling at him to back off her brother. It’s both badass and completely ship destroying.

Then Ladybug and Cambion become very official by way of a very public

{first kiss}

(They’re hitting all the relationship goalposts completely out of standard order. They’ll get that first date. Eventually. Maybe.)

(Also, _SOOO_ many ‘lovebird’ jokes from Gotham. So many.)

~^~

Elsewhere.

Things at the Agreste household have reached max deterioration.

    Adrien: “STOP SENDING MONSTERS INTO PARIS TO DESTROY THINGS!!”  
Gabriel: “WELL IF YOU’D GIVE ME THE CAT AND LADYBUG MIRACULOUS I WOULDN’T HAVE TO!!”  
Adrien: “I’M NOT GIVING YOU MY MIRACULOUS I’M THE GUARDIAN IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD BE GIVING ME _YOUR_ MIRACULOUS!!!”  
Nathalie: “If the two of you would like to stop arguing at the top of your lungs Gorilla just pulled up with Emilie and she’s not going to understand the subject matter you’re fighting over.”

* * *

Side Quest!

Damian. Marinette. Date.

Damian never even makes it to Marinette’s house before he gets a message that the rest of his family’s been captured by the Penguin.

Penguin looks up to see who’s just blown up the door to his lair. “Oh ho hee! It’s the baby birdbrain! We haven’t seen much of you around lately. Here I thought you might have–” whatever Penguin was going to say is cut off with barrage of batarangs flying straight for his face. “–Waugh!!” Penguin drops to the ground. The batarangs thunk into the wall at least three slicing through Penguin’s hat when he doesn’t drop fast enough. He twists around on the floor to glare at Robin. “What the hell was that!?” As soon as he catches sight of Robin’s face his anger shrivels up replaced with a rather pathetic knot of fear.

Robin unsheathes his katana. “I. Had. A. **Date.** ”

For the sake of discretion, we’re just gonna– We’re just gonna leave it there.

* * *

We hit the two-year anniversary of the coven’s attack that led to Emilie’s amnesia.

It’s also the day the coven decides on a repeat performance.

It’s one of the largest attacks the city’s seen. It starts when every single electronic device across the entire city shuts down at the same exact time. Ladybug immediately calls up a miracle cure because things like _hospitals_ and _traffic controls._ So that’s the opening salvo and it pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the fight.

~^~

In addition to rolling magical blackouts which just keep coming, the coven’s planted magical traps all over the city which keep triggering at random. The coven’s been quieter for months which if they’d been thinking they would have been worried about but it’s too late for that now.

Miraculouses are passed back and forth like crazy. (Those domino masks are really proving their usefulness today) Again, thanks to the blackouts and the _civilian targeting_ traps - because the coven is made of assholes and the leader is the king asshole. The team’s been forced into a constant defense. The lucky charm is constantly needed to counteract everything which means Tikki’s powers both constantly need to be in play and can’t be used for anything else. Super Souris joins the fight in a rare instance of full team cooperation. Cass is flitting around the whole city, finding the worst traps and shutting them down.

Everyone splits off. If they can find the spell matrix that’s causing it and destroy it they can at least even the playing field.

That is a very large _if._

~^~

As soon as the attack started the French government preventatively called up the Justice League. They want to make damn sure Bats and his brood are staying **_out._** ~~Batman~~ , Superman and Wonder Woman arrive to try – yet again – to stop an international incident from boiling over. A pretty large chunk of the French parliament are of the opinion that everything was fine before Bats and his birds started rotating in. Post hoc ergo propter hoc it’s all Batman’s fault.

~^~

Sting uses his stinger to incapacitate Ptyler. Unlike his rider – who’s currently missing that could be a problem – Ptyler is actually intelligent. And pretty friendly when not being forced into the service of evil.

…fuck yeah new bat-pet.

    Damian: “You shall require a more suitable name. How do you feel about Tolstoy?”  
Tolstoy: *happy screech of approval*

~^~

Good news: Alya finds the spell matrix. Bad news: It’s anchored to a giant stone and as she’s currently Rena Rouge her current magical arsenal has nothing that could destroy it. She calls up on her communicator for _whoever_ currently has the black cat.

It’s really weird; there’s no one guarding the spell matrix.

“roo?”

Correction: Mr. Pigeon and his army are guarding it

    Rena: “I need some help over here!!”  
Chat Nuit: “I’m coming! I’ll be able to destroy the matrix no problem!”  
Rena: “That’s great but we’re gonna need more help than that!  
Sting: “Tolstoy and I shall be at your location shortly.”  
Rena: “Who the heck is Tolstoy?”

Chat Nuit and Rena _really not expecting it_ when Sting arrives a minute later _riding the coven leader’s attack pterodactyl._

~^~

Ladybug’s been taking a wide view of the battle. She’s recruited Super Souris to split and search a grid pattern. For all there’s been a lot of traps they haven’t seen much of the coven or any of its leader. And that’s really worrying. Le Paon was around and active for the first part of the fight but he’s gone missing. And that’s even more worrying.

Cambion flies up to help from the air. Then Tolstoy gets hit with a magical blast and vanishes from under him.

Cambion starts falling. His transformation runs out. Suddenly Damian’s falling that’s all that matters to Marinette.

~^~

Batman plays nice all the way up until Damian falls out of the sky.

    Batman: “We’re going in.”  
French official: “No you aren’t.”  
Batman: “I wasn’t talking to you.”  
[the rest of the Batfam materialize out of nowhere]  
French official: “We won’t let you in. Paris is locked down with a military blockade.” [that is true, they have done that. fat lot of good it will do if any of the Paris fighters on either side decide to try to break it but it is there. and very military–y]  
Batman: “You can either let us in to Paris or I can contact my daughter who’s already inside and she can carve a path to us.”

~^~

Ladybug manages to save Damian.

It turns out that Tolstoy didn’t vanish he was just shrunk. Pocket Pterodactyl!

    Damian: “Tolstoy’s safe.”  
Marinette: “More importantly, you’re safe.”  
Damian: “On the topic of safe, you’ve been keeping track of everyone’s position. Do you know where Guardian is? I haven’t had a lock on him for nearly half an hour.”  
Marinette: [dawning realization of dread]

* * *

While all this has been going on Jade Turtle has been slowly and systematically cut off from the others.

Adrien gets to pull the same move Jade Turtle Fu canonically pulled during the ML season three finale stuck in the middle of a shelter orb getting attacked trying to hold on until something changes or help arrives. Except he’s got a lot less experience holding out and holding onto his transformation indefinitely than Fu did who had more than a century of practice. The shield is starting to crack.

Right as Adrien starts wondering if he’s going to have to pull the _other_ move Fu pulled in the finale and follow in his mother’s footsteps of protect the miraculous – protect his _family_ – at **_all costs_** Psyche drops into the fight.

Help has arrived.

The coven leader and his minions pull back, choosing to flee now and regroup rather than fight. Normally Psyche would chase after him but this time she stays behind.

Adrien drops his shelter and falls to his knees. He has to focus. He can’t detransform while Psyche is still here. He’s so tired. No. _Focus._

A hand appears on his shoulder. “Adrien? Are you alright?”

Adrien’s head snaps up. Psyche is crouched in front of him. A pit forms in his stomach. “You know who I am.”

“You and your father keep a great deal of secrets. But I’m better at it.” She tilts her head and Adrien imagines if he could see her face it would be smiling. The mask, as ever, remains impassive. “The two of you need to learn screaming fights carry further than a meter.”

“I…” Adrien doesn’t know what to say to that. There’s a petering flash as he loses focus and Wayzz falls to the ground next to his hand. He scoops him up and looks back up to see Psyche offering him a hand up.

“Are you _alright?”_

“I… Yeah. I’m okay.”

Psyche reaches up for her mask and pulls it off. The face underneath is exactly the same as the carved one in her hand except for her eyes. They’re a brilliant, bright, _familiar_ green. “My baby boy.” She lets the mask drop as her hand comes up and brushes through his bangs. “My beautiful baby boy. I’m so proud of you.”

“M–Maman? Y-You…”

“Remember?” Psyche gives him a sad smile and shakes her head. There’s a second flash of light and Emilie is standing in front of him, Nooroo floating at her side. “No. Whatever it is you hope I remember, no. And please don’t tell me about it.” She gestures to Nooroo with another sad smile. “We learned that the hard way.”

Before either of them can say do else there’s an explosion in the distance. They can just make out the dark shape of Cambion falling through the sky. They watch as he plummets back to earth, closer and closer, before Ladybug finally manages to swing in and catch him. Adrien takes a step toward where Cambion and Ladybug were seen before glancing back at Emile and gripping her hands. “I have to get back out there. Maman, I have to go out there and help them.”

Emilie leans forward and plants a kiss on his brow. “I know sweetheart. I know.”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Wayzz pipes in from where he’d been resting forgotten in Adrien’s hand, “but I am afraid I am too drained to be able to properly transform you.”

“But– Maman! You can use one of your butterflies to transform me!”

“I could,” Emilie says slowly. Then she smirks and reaches into her pocket to pull out a very familiar peacock brooch. “But I think I might have a better idea.”

    Adrien: “How did you get that?”  
Emilie: “I may have stolen it from your father. I also… may have left him.”  
Adrien: “I– Okay.”  
Emilie: “Okay?”  
Adrien: “I mean Père’s been running around as a supervillain for the last couple years. He’s thrown my friends off a roof. More than once. Heck he’s thrown _me_ off a roof. Although in his defense he didn’t know I was me at the time.”  
Emilie: “Adrien that is not an acceptable defense for throwing a child off a roof.”

~^~

The entire Batfam is now in Paris. When they get to the center of the action our Parisian heroes minus Jade Turtle and Psyche are in the middle of the street taking down the coven.

Psyche leaps down from a nearby roof. Her appearance has changed a bit. Pale, healthily glowing skin. A long white Grecian-style dress trimmed with purple with a pale purple himation draped over it. Pale golden hair tied up in an elaborate knot. And the biggest change of all, a brilliant multicolored half mask shaped like butterfly wings surrounding bright green eyes.

    Psyche: “Batman! The kids have this handled. My son’s tracking the leader of the coven.”  
Nightwing: “Did she say _son?”_  
Ladybug: “Did you say **_son?”_**  
Batman: [of fucking _course_ she’s Psyche] “What do you need?”  
[Psyche pulls out a butterfly.]

Superpowered Batman?

Superpowered Batman.

~^~

Psyche and Super!Batman go after the coven leader. They catch him three streets over.

Now there’s a one-sided fight.

As soon as it becomes clear he’s going to lose (to him, it was clear to anyone sane from the very start) he prepares to pull his favorite move: fleeing like a spineless little coward.

Peacock Adrien leaps down from a nearby roof on top of a winged, otherwise vaguely canine-ish sentimonster.

Peacock Adrien: [pats his sentimonster] “Hey Mephistopheles! Meet Rover! He can and will track you anywhere. Beyond the boundary of this world and any others you might flee to.”

Super!Bats: “I suggest you give up now.”

~^~

And thus ends the reign of terror of a wannabe Satan with delusions of grandeur and just enough magical powers to try.

~^~

Everyone else gathers up. Ladybug and Cambion are leading the way, the Reynard, Bhramari and Batfam have got the rest of the coven rounded up, (sans Mr. Pigeon who fled with a thousand or so of his favorite babies but shhhh…), Cass is flitting around leading the normal authorities on a roundabout chase to them, and Super Souris is posing heroically.

    Souris: [looks at the others then theatrically folds her arms] “It’s not worth it to try to arrest you guys today. So just this once I’m going to give you a pass.”  
Guardian: “Aww, thanks Souris! Now how about you give me back the mouse miraculous?  
Souris: [already walking away] “As if. Come talk to me when you’re in not all wanted criminals. And it’s **_Super_** Souris.”  
Ladybug: “Your _mother?”_  
Guardian: “Isn’t it so cool?”  
Psyche: [looking at Batman] “Are you… You _are!_ Did I know you were Batman before? Is that why you’ve been around so often? Wait, don’t answer that. Besides, I must have. So much of what you’ve said makes _so much_ more sense now. Are you always so cavalier with your identity?”  
Batman: “You always were good at being able to surprise me.”  
Psyche: “Well how’s this for surprising? I’m leaving my husband.”  
Batman: “I could have predicted that one years ago. If you need any help I’d be more than happy to offer it.”  
[French officials finally arrive.]  
[Cambion pulls off his ring and holds it out to Guardian. He is in **full** Robin uniform]  
Robin: “Guardian, now that the threat has been subdued I return this to you.”  
Guardian: [takes ring] “Thank you, for your help.”  
Nightwing: “Hey, you’re family. If he didn’t come one of us would.”  
French officials: “Um…” [what the hell _Cambion_ is **_Robin?_** ]  
Batman: “Unless you have a set of class 7a-4B magical containment cells we’re taking them with us.”  
French officials: _“Um…”_ [ _Has he been Cambion **the whole time???**_ ]  
the lone intern who’s in the Paris gossip loop: [ _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_ ]

* * *

Damian has a life in Gotham. But it’s even more insular. It’s his family. It’s the manor and the Batcave. It’s Sunday lunch/dinners at the manor and daily calls. It’s Titus and Alfred the cat walking back and forth through Kaalki’s portals like they’re pet doors.

Damian has a life in Paris. _Marinette_ is in Paris. And Adrien. His family’s about to be going through a very nasty divorce because you just know Gabe won’t give up easy. And Nino and Alya. They– He’s responsible for them. If he’s learned one thing from all of Dick’s meddling it’s that if you get two people together you’re responsible for its continued success. And Kim keeps challenging him to parkour battles. And Juleka and her brother Luka are less annoying than any of his old age mates in Gotham. Even Rose’s constant aggressive cheer is more endearing than irritating. And he talks art with Nathaniel and Alix; they both have such wildly different styles than him and each other that it’s always interesting. And Max is a genius; it only makes sense to keep an eye on him to steer him towards Wayne International in the future. And Mylène told him she would been scared of Ivan when he tried to confess his feelings except no one’s as scary as him so technically he’s responsible for their relationship too. And even Chloé and Sabrina, someone has to be there to cut her and her minion down to size. And– And– He doesn’t want to leave.

But the mission’s over. And Robin is needed in Gotham.

It’s Tim who reminds everyone of time zones. If Damian can get used to walking up really early – something he used to do all the time in the League of Assassins and could easily get back in the habit of – that would line up with nighttime in Gotham and let Robin patrol a few hours every night while Damian Wayne remains in Paris. Cass is about ready to be back home but Emilie’s left Gabriel and she and Adrien need a new place. They can move into the apartment and Damian can stay with her them. Two birds with one stone.

Emilie finally gets introduced to those non-evil magic users Bruce wanted her to meet.

Adrien finally gets to have Plagg back. Plagg is so happy to get his favorite kitten back. He’s keeping the grumpy kitten too though. Just so everyone knows.

Marinette keeps the Ladybug Miraculous. She’s got a bright superhero future ahead of her.

But for today, she’s got a date.

A successful one this time.


	6. Psyche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An optional addendum to the Guardian Emilie arc rounding out Emilie's thoughts and filling in some of her blanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very trippy and entirely Emilie focused. We'll be back to regular Daminette next time. For now I had extra feels and insomnia.
> 
> Double posted without all the strike throughs in case you're having trouble reading it in it's intended formatting. Because yeah that's a lot of crossed out writing.

_“Maman?”_

_~~“Hey I know that bracelet!”~~ _

_There’s a boy in night clothes sitting in front of her._

_~~“No you don’t.”~~ _

_How long has he been there? And where is there?_

_~~“Yes I do. It goes with the little turtle hero.”~~ _

_“Maman look at me.”_

_~~“What turtle hero.”~~ _

_There is a boy in night clothes kneeling in front of her._

_~~“The one with the turtle spirit.”~~ _

_A boy who called her maman._

_~~“What turtle spirit.”~~ _

_“Maman?” There is a boy in night clothes leaning towards her._

_~~“The one in the book I found.”~~ _

_A boy with Gabriel’s cheekbones and her grandfather’s nose. “I’m sorry you must be mistaken.”_

_~~“What book.”~~ _

_A boy nine years too old._

_~~“Wait. Book? **What book?** ”~~ _

_“My Adrien’s only two years old.”_

_~_

_Nine years._

_Nine Years._

**_Nine Years._ **

_If she says it enough times it will start ~~to m ake sense–~~_

_It will never be real._

_~_

_~~“Ha! There… we…”~~ _

_“There you are.”_

_She ~~stumbles, spinning slowly to take in the room~~ turns._

_~~On the table the candle flickers. The light should be dim miracle box is on the center of the table, every drawer and lid open. Sheets and sheets of sketches and notes are scattered around it. But that’s not the worst of it–~~ _

_Gabriel stands at the other end of the hall staring at her._

_~~Footsteps, sharp and frantic.~~ _

_He strides to her and wraps his arms around her like she’s a lost child._

_~~She yanks off Plagg’s ring and Tikki’s earrings. She never told Gabriel about them. She cannot let him know about them. Not now. Not ever. “I renounce you.” The comforting weight in her pocket vanishes leaving her alone as she spins to face what’s coming.~~ _

_“Have you been here the whole time?” She blinks._

_~~Gabriel appears in the doorway.~~ _

_The shadows are long where they weren’t just a second ago._

_~~His eyes are wide and frantic, scanning the room, skipping over her before they backtrack and lock in. “What are you doing here?”~~ _

_“Didn’t there used to be a room here?”_

_~~“…Gabriel what did you do?”~~ _

_“There was. We boarded it up a long time ago.”_

_~~The worst is the nearly finished copies carefully lined up in front of the miracle box.~~ _

_~_

_There is a secret safe behind the painting in Gabriel’s office. She doesn’t remember it._

_~~“Would you like to join me for tea?”~~ _

_There are a pair of brooches in the safe. A butterfly and a peacock._

_~~“Why don’t the two of you come back for tea again next week?”~~ _

_She remembers them. She remembers finding them, half-buried in the snow._

_~~“I suppose we should start with a question. Do you believe in magic?”~~ _

_They were beautiful. The most beautiful things she’d even seen._

_~~“Hello. I’m Nooroo.”~~ _

_They were brilliant. Almost glowing when she touched them._

_~~“And I’m Duusu!”~~ _

_They were blessings. Perfect inspiration for her new husband._

_~~“Who are you?”~~ _

_They are… different. Not what she remembers._

_~~“I– I’m–~~ _

_Is her memory damaged even more than what’s missing?_

_~_

_Some days she’s not certain she’s real. She’s a shadow, a living doll. Hollow and precious._

_~_

_Adrien said she was magic._

_~~“There are certain things about this book and those brooches I have not told you.”~~ _

_A child’s daydream view of his mother._

_~~“Things I would like to now.”~~ _

_It has to be._

_~~“But before I do you must be aware that doing so will change both your and Adrien’s lives forever.”~~ _

_She goes to the safe._

_~~“Is it dangerous?”~~ _

_The peacock brooch is warm._

_~~“No path is without its dangers.”~~ _

_There’s a bright light and a small floating… something appears._

_~~“Yes I will admit there are many perils on this path that you would not encounter should you chose not to walk it.”~~ _

_“Ohthankgoodnessareyouokaywhathappenedwiththecovenyouraurafeelsdifferentdidsomethinghappentellmetellmetellm–_

_~~“But it is not bad.”~~ _

_She shrieks and chucks the brooch back into the safe. The thing disappears. Her head swims. She manages to slam the safe and painting shut but can do nothing else before the floor comes up to meet her._

_~~“In fact you could call it **miraculous**.”~~ _

_~_

_Adrien doesn’t talk of magic anymore._

_~_

_Bruce Wayne is a surprise. She can’t remember first meeting him ~~– oh my goodness I’m so sorry. I thought you **knew.** That’s why I–~~ but as second first meetings go he certainly makes an impression._

_~_

_The house is a prison masquerading as a home. Nathalie is a jailer masquerading as an assistant._

_~~“–He needs **friends** Gabriel! **Real** friends!”~~ _

_She’s going to go insane, surrounded by her husband’s control masquerading as concern._

_~~“He has friends! His cousin–”~~ _

_Her son is life. A bright light shining alone in a dark cage._

_~~“Lives in England! And Chloé Bourgeois is not enough! He needs friends he picks for himself! And laughter and play and the chance to be an actual **kid**! Not trapped day and night in some **schedule–** ”~~ _

_Did the other her realize? The cage she’d let Gabriel build around their son? Or can she only see it now that she’s in one too?_

_~~“He is **my** son! **I’ll** decide–”~~ _

_Or was she trapped before? Is this cage new or familiar?_

_~~“He’s my son too!! And I won’t let you–~~ _

_She is going insane._

_~_

_Gabriel keeps secrets._

_Adrien does too._

_She can hear them, muffled fights that cut off as soon as she appears._

_It seems the only thing they agree on is to not tell her anything._

_~_

_There are monsters stalking through Paris. She can barely stand to watch the news. She wants to be sick. They barely acknowledge it. There are **monsters** stalking Paris and they prefer to shut their eyes._

_~~Adrien fidgets. His tail twitches. His tail that he **should not have he knows he’s not supposed to transform especially not now there are people out there who will k–**~~ _

_She can barely stand to even blink._

_~~“Give me the ring.”~~ _

_~~(There should never have to be a funeral for an eleven-year-old.)~~ _

_~_

_“…criminal known only as Chat Noir. He has not been seen since one month ago when explosions…”_

_~~“The ladybug and the black cat… in the same place.”~~ _

_“…No one is quite sure where this monster came from only that…”_

**_~~“Don’t Let Them Escape!!”~~ _ **

_“…different ladybug than was last seen…”_

_~~“Run!”~~ _

_~~“But–”~~ _

_~~“That is an **order** young man. Now **Go!** ”~~ _

_“…however reports state that there is evidence that it is the same Chat Noir who wantonly destroyed…”_

_~~“Come on Tikki, don’t let me down…. LUCKY CHARM!!”~~ _

_“…and welcome to the Ladyblog! We’ve got an official name now. Devoted to any and all breaking news for Paris’s heroes and make no mistake despite what the news is trying to tell you they **are** heroes. Let me explain. Let’s start with Chat Noir…”_

_~_

_“Maman! I’m having dinner at Marinette’s!”_

_~~“Bonjour Tom!”~~ _

_“Have fun dear.”_

_~~“Bonjour! And bonjour to you too Adrien!”~~ _

_“You should join us.”_

_~~“Bonjour M. Tom can I go play with Marinette?”~~ _

_“Your father will wonder–”_

_~~“Marinette is upstairs with her friend Nino… if that’s okay with you?”~~ _

_“Père’s been working late all week. You shouldn’t have to be alone. Join us.”_

_~~“More than. Go on and play sweetheart. Make some friends.”~~ _

_“…Alright.”_

_~_

_Is it wrong that she sometimes feels more at home at Tom and Sabine’s than her own house?_

_~_

_Her son’s life is made of escape routes he doesn’t realize he learned from her._

_(She carved herself a key once she can do it again.)_

_~_

_~~“So.” The children have gone to sleep. Or at least they’ve pretended to. It’s late and she should do the same if she expects her greeting to reach Gabriel tomorrow. She doesn’t move from her seat. “Batman. Not what I expected from playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne.”~~ _

_~~Bruce raises an eyebrow at her from his spot on the other side of the couch. “Says the trendsetting fashion wife who scolded two gods like they were naughty seven-year-olds.” His expression is stern and impassive until you reach his eyes, which glitter with humor.~~ _

_~~A smile tugs on her lips. This is what she needs. Someone who understands. Even with Gabriel knowing everything – not everything never everything he never will – he doesn’t **understand.** But Bruce– Bruce **knows** what it’s like to raise children in a world so much more… dangerous, miraculous– **more.** She feels like the first time Fu showed her the miracle box, at the border of an entirely new world, reaching past what she has, reaching past what she should but **reaching–** “If it’s not too late for you, I wonder if I could pick your brain about a few parenting questions.”~~ _

_~~Bruce smiles back. “Not too late at all. Fire away.”~~ _

_~_

_Adrien has his own life. Marinette and Nino and Damian. Fencing practice and modeling shoots. Friends and obligations._

_Gabriel has his empire… And his secrets._

_That leaves her with the emptiness._

_~_

_There are superheroes in Paris._

_~~“Plagg!” Chubby, perfect fingers chase the flying cat as he darts out of reach.~~ _

_They are children._

_~~“Ghuagh! Keep those sticky gross jam-covered fingers away from me!!”~~ _

_Children with bright eyes and unbroken ideals._

_~~“Adrien sweetheart don’t torment the kwami.”~~ _

_Children with powers beyond all but the wildest imagination._

_~~Adrien’s lip wobbles and his hands continue to reach. “Plaaaggg!!”~~ _

_What is it that could drive two so young out onto the rooftops in those small dark hours?_

_~~Plagg sighs and floats closer. “No grabbing kid. You got that?” Adrien immediately grabs for him. “GHUAGH!”~~ _

_She looks at them and something in her minds screams, screams, **screams–**_

_~_

_~~Fu is pacing back and forth. His hand twitches like he’s repressing the urge to grab the miracle box and run. Marianne is bent over the grimoire, paging through it for anything that could help.~~ _

_~~She is frozen.~~ _

_~~(Is it dangerous?)~~ _

_She goes to the safe._

_~~Adrien. Her son, her baby. She brought him with her down this path. She invited whatever danger comes next into their lives.~~ _

_~~(No path is without its dangers.)~~ _

_~~She pulls out her phone and starts dialing without even thinking.~~ _

_The peacock is missing._

_~~“What is it?”~~ _

_~~It takes a moment to realize the sharpness in his tone isn’t anger but his Batman voice. She mentally rewinds and takes into account time zones and realizes it’s the middle of patrol. “Is it a bad time?”~~ _

_~~“Guardian.” The tone is still Batman but noticeably warmer. “No, it’s been a quiet week.”~~ _

_~~“Good. Because it’s not quiet here. I think we need help.”~~ _

_The butterfly brooch is warm._

_~_

_What is it that could drive someone out onto the rooftops in these small dark hours?_

_~~(Who are you?)~~ _

_~~(I– I’m–)~~ _

_Now she knows._

_~_

_“The Guardian protects the miraculous, yes?”_

_“Yeah…?”_

_“Then why did we have it?”_

_“Who’s **We?”**_

_~_

_The coven makes her skin crawl._

_~~“Hello, **Guardian.** ”~~ _

_When she looks at their leader she feels ike she’s freezing solid and burning alive all at once._

_~~She whips around. Out of the shadows slinks a man. His hair is dark as pitch and his eyes smoldering coals. Around his neck is a pendant, glowing a sickly red.~~ _

_She looks at them and something in her minds screams, screams, **screams–**_

_~~“I– I’m not–”~~ _

_She wants to run. She **needs** to run._

_~~The man smirks, sparks in his eyes flaring. “Oh yes you are. You are also the ladybug. How convenient for me. Where is the black cat?”~~ _

_She fights._

_~~“You won’t find him. You’ll **never** find him.”~~ _

_She does not – can not **will not** – stop._

_~~“You misunderstand, Guardian. I don’t care about the boy. I care about the ring.”~~ _

_~_

_She’s found her key. It’s shaped like butterfly wings._

_With it she can unlock any cage._

_Hers…_

_…And other’s._

_~_

_Cambion’s eyes are bright too. But not like his partners. Broken edges glittering sharp enough to cut._

_~_

_Nooroo knew her. Before. He **knew her.**_

_~~“Are you ready to become the Guardian?”~~ _

_Every time he tries to tell her anything about her past her head swims and she drowns in everything she’s missing._

_~~“I am.”~~ _

_Again and again and **again.**_

_~~“Then let’s begin.”~~ _

_She does not – can not **will not** – stop._

_~_

_~~“What is going on?”~~ _

_She doesn’t care what Le Peon says. He is not justified in what he’s doing._

_~~No. No no no no no. Gabriel was never supposed to find out. Nooroo and Duusu float closer to her, hiding in her hair, finally picking up on the tension in the air. “Um. I can explain?”~~ _

_~~“Please do.” She represses a wince at the coldness of the tone and frantically tries to decide how little she can tell him.~~ _

_He is selfish and shortsighted and **violent–**_

_~~If she were a better wife she would tell him everything.~~ _

_He fights against children and calls himself justified._

_~~If she were a better soulmate she would have told him everything from the beginning.~~ _

_He hates her._

_~~She loves Gabriel but he can be so–~~ _

_The feeling is mutual._

_~_

_“…but first we can walk down to the Alhambra. I hear the courtyard of tigers is one of France’s best…” Bruce continues to blather on and on, apparently oblivious to the way Gabriel looks physically pained with each increasingly wrong word. He catches her eye and winks._

_~~(His expression is stern and impassive until you reach his eyes, which glitter with humor.)~~ _

_“What do you think, we have time to go real quick, pop in and out, snap some photos?”_

_~~(This is what she needs.)~~ _

_She fights down a grin and does her best to nod solemnly along._

_~~(Someone who understands.)~~ _

_“Unfortunately, Nathalie made our reservation for 18:30, so we need to get moving if we want to get there on time.”_

_“Really? Where does the time go, am I right? We’ll just have to go next time.”_

_~~(Even with Gabriel knowing everything)~~ _

_Gabriel looks even more pained. “Surely your company in Gotham requires more attention than–”_

_~~(–not everything never everything he never will–)~~ _

_“Nonsense! That’s what the private jet’s for!”_

_~~(he doesn’t **understand.)**~~ _

_“You’re welcome in our home anytime.”_

_(reaching past what she has, reaching past what she should but **reaching–** )_

_“What sort of man can’t make time for the important people in his life?”_

_~_

_“What are you doing here?”_

_(some days she’s not certain she’s real)_

_“I just wanted to look through a few things.”_

_(she’s a shadow)_

_“See if it sparked anything.”_

_(a living doll.)_

_“It’s not safe.” Gabriel pulls her away from the computer, guiding her out of the room._

_(hollow and precious)_

_“We agreed it was dangerous for you to try to jog your own memory.”_

_~_

_~~Marianne’s entire focus is locked onto Fu. Her expression is like some missing vital piece has finally slid back into place. “Hello Fu. It’s good to see you again.”~~ _

_~~Fu looks much the same. “Marianne. I– I have missed you. So very much.”~~ _

_~~She watches the reunion and her heart aches for a reason she can’t place.~~ _

_~_

_Is is wrong that she sometimes looks forward to Bruce’s arrival more than Gabriel’s?_

_~_

_Her family keeps secrets._

_She keeps secrets too._

_She keeps them better._

_~_

_“Wait! Will you just– **Wait!** ”_

_Psyche pauses. The guardian lands next to her. His new suit glints green in the streetlights. (like ~~can~~ my ~~I~~ grandfather ~~call~~ before ~~you~~ me ~~grandpapa?~~ I am–) _

_~~“The miraculous are magic. As the Guardian you are magic too. You will always have a connection to the miracle box and the kwamis, even after you eventually pass the duty on to your successor.”~~ _

_“Who are you?”_

_~~“So what saying I’ll always be magic.”~~ _

_He’s only looking for a name. She can’t help feeling like it’s a deeper question than that._

_~~“There is… a safety measure. That can be taken to protect the miracle box should the worst come to pass.”~~ _

_She leaves without a word._

_~~“It severs you entirely from the miraculous, destroying all that connects you, including your magic… and all of your memories.”~~ _

_She is Psyche. And she is the emptiness._

_~~“But that is a last resort. Not something you or I will ever have to worry about.”~~ _

_~_

_“Um, hi.” The masked child waves at her from where he’s crouched on the rooftop she just landed on. She doesn’t answer._

_~~“But Maman shouldn’t I at least **try** transforming?”~~ _

_The boy stands and holds out a hand. “We’ve been working together – or, uh, kinda working together I guess. At least you punch Le Paon more than you punch us. Anyway we’ve been um, pseudo working together for like two months now but I don’t think we’ve ever properly introduced.” His hand is still out, waiting for her to grasp._

_~~“No. You’re still too young.”~~ _

_His partner lands before I can become clear that she will not. “Heads up we’ve got a Mr. Pigeon sighting which means Psy– Oh.” The masked child waves at her. “Um, hi.”_

_~~“Kid’s gonna grow up some time. Better he’s got a handle on it now.”~~ _

_~_

_~~“Ooops.”~~ _

_“Stop! In the name of the law, as the only **true** superhero I am honor-bound to arrest you!”_

_~~“Ooops? You reveal yourself in front of a civilian and that’s all you have to say for yourself? **Ooops?** ”~~ _

_Psyche does not even pause in her stride. The girl stutters but can’t keep up. “Hey! Wait! You’re supposed to stop and let me take you in!”_

_~~“Well maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe she’s **supposed** to know about us.”~~ _

_She has been trapped before. She will not be caught so easily again._

_~~“Ever think about that?”~~ _

_~_

_There are superheroes in Paris. She fights alongside them, against them, for them. She is alone and free and unmoored._

_~_

_~~The pendant, glows a sickly red. The light dances off his face like flames and hellfire.~~ _

_Her son._

_~~“With this I have bound your magic and blood to my own.”~~ _

_The Guardian is her son._

_~~“I don’t care about the boy but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to use him.”~~ _

_Her precious, perfect little boy._

_~~“You seemed quite close. A son perhaps?”~~ _

_He’s out there, alone, leading children because it’s the only choice he has._

_~~“Return to him and seal his doom.”~~ _

_(Nooroo **knew her.** )_

_She had dragged Adrien into this. She had left him with this._

_~~“Try to flee and you seal your own.”~~ _

_There had to have been a better choice._

_~~“Or.”~~ _

**_Why didn’t she find a better choice?_ **

_~~“Give me the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous.”~~ _

_~_

_…The Guardian is their son._

_And Gabriel **knew.**_

_He **knew** and he hasn’t been there for their son._

_He’s been **fighting against him.**_

_How can he claim to love him then turn around and everyone he cares about, everyone he fights with?_

_She doesn’t care what his **reasoning** is. What happens the day it goes too far and–_

_~_

_~~The coffin is so small.~~ _

_~~Marinette is clinging to Sabine, face buried in her side. Adrien is tucked next to her. Tom has wrapped himself around them, doing his best to hold them up. She should be over there with them. She doesn’t move.~~ _

_~~The Wayne children are clumped together in a solemn group. The living ones.~~ _

_~~Alfred is directly next to the headstone at parade rest spine straight, holding vigil. Bruce is at the foot of the gravesite. His eyes never leave the coffin as it’s lowered in.~~ _

_~~The coffin is **so** small.~~ _

_~~The minister finishes. Dirt begins getting shoveled onto the coffin. Everyone slowly starts filing out.~~ _

_~~Bruce doesn’t move.~~ _

_~~She doesn’t either.~~ _

_~~They’re parents raising children in a world so much more dangerous, miraculous… **deadly.**~~ _

_~~The coffin is so **small.**~~ _

_~~Bruce crumbles.~~ _

_~~There should never have to be a funeral for an eleven-year-old.~~ _

_~_

_She loves Gabriel but–_

_~~“Gabriel what is this? What are you doing?”~~ _

_She loves Gabriel but–_

_~~“What I **have** to. To protect our family.”~~ _

_She loves Gabriel but–_

_~~“By **stealing** the miraculous?”~~ _

_She loves Gabriel but–_

_~~“Gabriel. What. Did. You. **Do?** ”~~ _

_~_

_Is she wrong that she sometimes wonders if the universe made a mistake making her and Gabriel soulmates?_

_~_

_The entire city goes dark._

_She doesn’t realize at first. She’s sitting in the library reading, pretending her cage is still locked, when the lights go out._

_~~Is the power out? In just this room though…?~~ _

_Then Adrien runs past the doorway looking frantic._

_She grabs Nooroo’s brooch and follows._

_~_

_~~“Let’s see how fast you can track me from your new homes!” A dozen portals open under the coven members feet.~~ _

_~_

_~~“How long do you think they’ll be gone for?”~~ _

_~~“I… don’t know, my guardian.”~~ _

_~~“Did I at least manage to send Mephistopheles to space?”~~ _

_~~“No, my guardian. He will most likely be injured from his landing but he will survive it. He will be back. For you.”~~ _

_~~“What am I supposed to do?”~~ _

_~~“I… I don’t know.”~~ _

_~_

_The first explosion happens less than two minutes after she gets up to the rooftops. It’s a tower of flame stabbing up into the sky. She can feel the heat from here._

_~~“You need to give me back to Adrien right **now!!!** ”~~ _

_~~“I already told y–”~~ _

_~~“Then pick somebody else! Because those creeps are back! They’re attacking right now!!”~~ _

_~_

_Adrien is dancing along the rooftops, ever-changing powers, ever-changing name but always the same face. Always her little boy._

_~~(her precious perfect baby)~~ _

_He’s surrounded by his team. Ever-changing names, ever-changing faces but always the same heart. He’s placed his trust well. She’s so proud of him._

_She’s proud of all of them._

_~_

_~~She hides the miracle box. Gabriel never found the grimoire. She hides that too.~~ _

_~~She takes the butterfly miraculous so she can fight. She takes the horse miraculous in case she has to run.~~ _

_~~She can fix this.~~ _

_~_

_She gets swept into the heat of battle. The explosions never end. The fight never stops._

_Neither does she._

_She does not – can not **will not** – stop._

_~_

_~~She **has** to fix this.~~ _

_~_

_She is hunting._

_~~“Duusu! Spread my Feathers!”~~ _

_The coven’s leader is missing. She will find him._

_~~Nothing happens.~~ _

_She stalks across the rooftops. She will end this._

_~~She reaches out with her magic for Duusu.~~ _

_She doesn’t find the coven leader._

_~~He’s not there.~~ _

_Instead she finds Le Paon._

_~~There’s no magic at all.~~ _

_Gabriel._

_~~The miraculous isn’t real. It’s a copy.~~ _

_~~(Gabriel what did you do?)~~ _

_~_

_~~The pendant goes sailing through the portal vanishing as it closes. She smirks. “You lose.”~~ _

_~~(“So you’re saying I’ll always be magic.”)~~ _

_~~Fool! You misunderstand again Guardian! It doesn’t matter whether the pendant is in my possession! Our **magics** are bound together!”~~ _

_~~(“There is… a safety measure.)~~ _

_~~“So long as that pendant exists I can track your magic anywhere!~~ _

_~~(“It severs you entirely from the miraculous, destroying all that connects you, including your magic… and all of your memories.”)~~ _

_~~Beyond the boundary of this world and any others you might flee to! You shall never escape!!”~~ _

_~~(“But that is a last resort.”)~~ _

_~_

_~~(“He will be back. For you.”)~~ _

_~~“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. It’s in your hands now baby. Be brave, be strong. I know it’s a lot to put on your shoulders but I know you can do this.”~~ _

_~~(“What am I supposed to do?”)~~ _

_~~“~~ _ _~~You’re going to be amazing I just know it. I’m so proud of you. So so very proud of you.”~~ _

_~~(“I… I don’t know.”)~~ _

_~~“Maman what’s going on?”~~ _

_~_

_She drops her transformation._

_(She is Psyche. And she is the emptiness.)_

_Gabriel startles when he sees her._

_(Hollow and precious.)_

_“Emilie.”_

_~~“This is your choice Gabriel.”~~ _

_“Gabriel.”_

**_~~“Yours.”~~ _ ** ~~~~

_He startles even harder. He stammers out an excuse. She lets it fall to silence._

_~~“And the consequences of it are on **your** head.”~~ _

_“Gabriel I know.”_

_~~“Where are you going?~~ _

_Gabriel drops his transformation._

_~~“I’m leaving. I’m going to go fix what **you** broke.”~~ _

_“What are you doing out here? It’s not safe.”_

_~~“And protect **our** son–”~~ _

_“What am **I** doing out here? Gabriel what are **you** doing out here?”_

_~~(“What I **have** to. To protect our family.”)~~ _

_“I’m protecting our family.”_

_~~(“By **stealing** the miraculous?”)~~ _

_“And how does this protect our family?”_

_“You wouldn’t understand.”_

_~~(“He– He knew I was the Guardian.”)~~ _

_She steps closer until she’s directly in front of Gabriel. She stops, a hairsbreath away. close enough to feel his breath on her skin. She stares up at her husband. Her soulmate.”_

_(She loves Gabriel but–)_

_She reaches out._

_~~(“Gabriel. What. Did. You. **Do?** ”)~~ _

_Gabriel staggers when she plucks the peacock brooch off his chest as if he’s been struck._

_~~(And I’m Duusu!)~~ _

_She darts back out of reach before he can recover._

_~~(“So you’re saying I’ll always be magic.”)~~ _

_“What are you doing?”_

_~~(“Where are you going?”)~~ _

_“I’m leaving.”_

_~~“–And then we will not be back.”~~ _

* * *

“It is a date, not an execution. You don’t even have to ask, you merely have to accept. It is not that complicated a concept. You say yes, you arrive at the appointed time and location in clothing chosen by Marinette because your fashion sense is non-existent, and you attempt to resist the urge to make any god-awful puns. Everything past that is manageable.”

“But what if when we go on our first date everything goes wrong? What if it turns out I’m cursed like you two were!”

“Hey! Damian and I haven’t had a failed date in months! Don’t go dragging that up!”

“Besides, even if you are similarly ‘cursed’ as you so idiotically claim we were, that is all the more reason to make the first attempt at a date now if you wish to have any hope of a successful romantic encounter before you graduate lycée.”

“We’re still in collège!”

“Precisely.”

“Oh be nice Damian!”

Emilie leans back so she can see the children. Marinette’s swatting at Damian’s shoulder, attempting to be sternly disapproving but smiling far too widely to manage. Adrien is sprawled out on the floor, clutching a pillow. Both of them look five seconds away from breaking into giggles and even Damian’s eyes are bright with laughter.

She watches for a few more seconds, soaking in the joy, before turning back to her tea. Marianne is watching her, smile playing on her lips above the rim of her teacup. “They grow up so quickly don’t they? I’m so glad Fu and I didn’t miss all of this.”

“They do. And it’s good to have you two back home again.”

“It’s good to be back home. Now we just have to figure out a place to live.”

”We’ll find you something. And in the meantime this apartment is big enough to house twenty. Damian’s got a whole pile of questions about the miraculous that this will give him a chance to ask. And Adrien will love to have his grandparents so close by after so long.”

Fu glances past her over at where Adrien is. “Taking my my old name, publicly declaring himself the guardian, creating a rotation of wielders… I shouldn’t be surprised that Adrien rewrote all of the rules for being the guardian while I was gone.”

“Yeah,” Emilie lets her gaze stray back to her son. He’s got the pillow out and is trying to hit Damian with it while Plagg eggs both his kittens on and Marinette and Tikki split a cookie and watch. “He’s a better guardian than I ever was.”

“No. You were a fine guardian. I was the one who failed you. I left you and Adrien behind just as the coven was closing in. And you paid the price for it.”

“You did what you had to to keep our family safe. We both did.” She takes a drink. She’s surrounded by family she’d forgotten she even had. Laughter filters in from the other room. Their home is warm and bright, not a single cage or lock in sight. “What I have is now is well worth what I paid for it. I still have everything important. And as for what I lost, well, Bruce is stubborn and so am I. We’ll get it back.”

Fu runs his hands across his teacup. Even Marianne looks pained. “I feel I have to warn you yet again. No guardian who’s given up their memories has ever been able to retrieve them.”

Emilie just smiles. “Well then I’ll just have to rewrite some rules too.”


	7. Psyche readability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! If you just automatically went to the last chapter go back one!  
> This is a double post of the previous chapter without all the strike throughs for anyone who might have trouble reading it that way. The previous chapter is how it's intended to be read (formatting hell and all).
> 
> If you do find the previous chapter hard to read come back here! Otherwise I'll see you next time.

Stop. Go back a chapter.

“Maman?”

_“Hey I know that bracelet!”_

There’s a boy in night clothes sitting in front of her.

_“No you don’t.”_

How long has he been there? And where is there?

_“Yes I do. It goes with the little turtle hero.”_

“Maman look at me.”

_“What turtle hero.”_

There is a boy in night clothes kneeling in front of her.

“ _The one with the turtle spirit.”_

A boy who called her maman.

_“What turtle spirit.”_

“Maman?” There is a boy in night clothes leaning towards her.

_“The one in the book I found.”_

A boy with Gabriel’s cheekbones and her grandfather’s nose. “I’m sorry you must be mistaken.”

_“What book.”_

A boy nine years too old.

_“Wait. Book? **What book?** ”_

“My Adrien’s only two years old.”

~

Nine years.

Nine Years.

**Nine Years.**

If she says it enough times it will start ~~to m ake sense–~~

It will never be real.

~

_“Ha! There… we…”_

“There you are.”

She _stumbles, spinning slowly to take in the room_ turns.

_On the table the candle flickers. The light should be dim miracle box is on the center of the table, every drawer and lid open. Sheets and sheets of sketches and notes are scattered around it. But that’s not the worst of it–_

Gabriel stands at the other end of the hall staring at her.

_Footsteps, sharp and frantic._

He strides to her and wraps his arms around her like she’s a lost child.

_She yanks off Plagg’s ring and Tikki’s earrings. She never told Gabriel about them. She cannot let him know about them. Not now. Not ever. “I renounce you.” The comforting weight in her pocket vanishes leaving her alone as she spins to face what’s coming._

“Have you been here the whole time?” She blinks.

_Gabriel appears in the doorway._

The shadows are long where they weren’t just a second ago.

_His eyes are wide and frantic, scanning the room, skipping over her before they backtrack and lock in. “What are you doing here?”_

“Didn’t there used to be a room here?”

_“…Gabriel what did you do?”_

“There was. We boarded it up a long time ago.”

_The worst is the nearly finished copies carefully lined up in front of the miracle box._

~

There is a secret safe behind the painting in Gabriel’s office. She doesn’t remember it.

_“Would you like to join me for tea?”_

There are a pair of brooches in the safe. A butterfly and a peacock.

_“Why don’t the two of you come back for tea again next week?”_

She remembers them. She remembers finding them, half-buried in the snow.

_“I suppose we should start with a question. Do you believe in magic?”_

They were beautiful. The most beautiful things she’d even seen.

_“Hello. I’m Nooroo.”_

They were brilliant. Almost glowing when she touched them.

_“And I’m Duusu!”_

They were blessings. Perfect inspiration for her new husband.

_“Who are you?”_

They are… different. Not what she remembers.

_“I– I’m–_

Is her memory damaged even more than what’s missing?

~

Some days she’s not certain she’s real. She’s a shadow, a living doll. Hollow and precious.

~

Adrien said she was magic. 

_“There are certain things about this book and those brooches I have not told you.”_

A child’s daydream view of his mother.

_“Things I would like to now.”_

It has to be.

_“But before I do you must be aware that doing so will change both your and Adrien’s lives forever.”_

She goes to the safe.

_“Is it dangerous?”_

The peacock brooch is warm.

_“No path is without its dangers.”_

There’s a bright light and a small floating… something appears.

_“Yes I will admit there are many perils on this path that you would not encounter should you chose not to walk it.”_

“Ohthankgoodnessareyouokaywhathappenedwiththecovenyouraurafeelsdifferentdidsomethinghappentellmetellmetellm–

_“But it is not bad.”_

She shrieks and chucks the brooch back into the safe. The thing disappears. Her head swims. She manages to slam the safe and painting shut but can do nothing else before the floor comes up to meet her.

_“In fact you could call it **miraculous**.”_

~

Adrien doesn’t talk of magic anymore.

~

Bruce Wayne is a surprise. She can’t remember first meeting him – _oh my goodness I’m so sorry. I thought you **knew.** That’s why I–_ but as second first meetings go he certainly makes an impression.

~

The house is a prison masquerading as a home. Nathalie is a jailer masquerading as an assistant.

_“–He needs **friends** Gabriel! **Real** friends!”_

She’s going to go insane, surrounded by her husband’s control masquerading as concern.

_“He has friends! His cousin–”_

Her son is life. A bright light shining alone in a dark cage. 

_“Lives in England! And Chloé Bourgeois is not enough! He needs friends he picks for himself! And laughter and play and the chance to be an actual **kid**! Not trapped day and night in some **schedule–** ”_

Did the other her realize? The cage she’d let Gabriel build around their son? Or can she only see it now that she’s in one too?

_“He is **my** son! **I’ll** decide–”_

Or was she trapped before? Is this cage new or familiar?

_“He’s my son too!! And I won’t let you–_

She is going insane.

~

Gabriel keeps secrets.

Adrien does too.

She can hear them, muffled fights that cut off as soon as she appears.

It seems the only thing they agree on is to not tell her anything.

~

There are monsters stalking through Paris. She can barely stand to watch the news. She wants to be sick. They barely acknowledge it. There are **monsters** stalking Paris and they prefer to shut their eyes.

_Adrien fidgets. His tail twitches. His tail that he **should not have he knows he’s not supposed to transform especially not now there are people out there who will k–**_

She can barely stand to even blink.

_“Give me the ring.”_

_(There should never have to be a funeral for an eleven-year-old.)_

~

“…criminal known only as Chat Noir. He has not been seen since one month ago when explosions…”

_“The ladybug and the black cat… in the same place.”_

“…No one is quite sure where this monster came from only that…”

**_“Don’t Let Them Escape!!”_ **

“…different ladybug than was last seen…”

_“Run!”_

_“But–”_

“That is an **_order_** _young man. Now **Go!** ”_

“…however reports state that there is evidence that it is the same Chat Noir who wantonly destroyed…”

_“Come on Tikki, don’t let me down…. LUCKY CHARM!!”_

“…and welcome to the Ladyblog! We’ve got an official name now. Devoted to any and all breaking news for Paris’s heroes and make no mistake despite what the news is trying to tell you they **are** heroes. Let me explain. Let’s start with Chat Noir…”

~

“Maman! I’m having dinner at Marinette’s!”

_“Bonjour Tom!”_

“Have fun dear.”

_“Bonjour! And bonjour to you too Adrien!”_

“You should join us.”

_“Bonjour M. Tom can I go play with Marinette?”_

“Your father will wonder–”

_“Marinette is upstairs with her friend Nino… if that’s okay with you?”_

“Père’s been working late all week. You shouldn’t have to be alone. Join us.”

_“More than. Go on and play sweetheart. Make some friends.”_

“…Alright.”

~

Is it wrong that she sometimes feels more at home at Tom and Sabine’s than her own house?

~

Her son’s life is made of escape routes _he doesn’t realize he learned from her._

(She carved herself a key once she can do it again.)

~

_“So.” The children have gone to sleep. Or at least they’ve pretended to. It’s late and she should do the same if she expects her greeting to reach Gabriel tomorrow. She doesn’t move from her seat. “Batman. Not what I expected from playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne.”_

_Bruce raises an eyebrow at her from his spot on the other side of the couch. “Says the trendsetting fashion wife who scolded two gods like they were naughty seven-year-olds.” His expression is stern and impassive until you reach his eyes, which glitter with humor._

_A smile tugs on her lips. This is what she needs. Someone who understands. Even with Gabriel knowing everything – not everything never everything he never will – he doesn’t **understand.** But Bruce– Bruce **knows** what it’s like to raise children in a world so much more… dangerous, miraculous– **more.** She feels like the first time Fu showed her the miracle box, at the border of an entirely new world, reaching past what she has, reaching past what she should but **reaching–** “If it’s not too late for you, I wonder if I could pick your brain about a few parenting questions.”_

_Bruce smiles back. “Not too late at all. Fire away.”_

~

Adrien has his own life. Marinette and Nino and Damian. Fencing practice and modeling shoots. Friends and obligations.

Gabriel has his empire… And his secrets.

That leaves her with the emptiness.

~

There are superheroes in Paris.

_“Plagg!” Chubby, perfect fingers chase the flying cat as he darts out of reach._

They are children.

_“Ghuagh! Keep those sticky gross jam-covered fingers away from me!!”_

Children with bright eyes and unbroken ideals.

_“Adrien sweetheart don’t torment the kwami.”_

Children with powers beyond all but the wildest imagination.

_Adrien’s lip wobbles and his hands continue to reach. “Plaaaggg!!”_

What is it that could drive two so young out onto the rooftops in those small dark hours?

_Plagg sighs and floats closer. “No grabbing kid. You got that?” Adrien immediately grabs for him. “GHUAGH!”_

She looks at them and something in her minds screams, screams, **screams–**

_~_

_Fu is pacing back and forth. His hand twitches like he’s repressing the urge to grab the miracle box and run. Marianne is bent over the grimoire, paging through it for anything that could help._

_She is frozen._

_(Is it dangerous?)_

She goes to the safe.

_Adrien. Her son, her baby. She brought him with her down this path. She invited whatever danger comes next into their lives._

_(No path is without its dangers.)_

_She pulls out her phone and starts dialing without even thinking._

The peacock is missing.

_“What is it?”_

_It takes a moment to realize the sharpness in his tone isn’t anger but his Batman voice. She mentally rewinds and takes into account time zones and realizes it’s the middle of patrol. “Is it a bad time?”_

_“Guardian.” The tone is still Batman but noticeably warmer. “No, it’s been a quiet week.”_

_“Good. Because it’s not quiet here. I think we need help.”_

The butterfly brooch is warm.

_~_

What is it that could drive someone out onto the rooftops in these small dark hours?

_(Who are you?)_

_(I– I’m–)_

Now she knows.

~

“The Guardian protects the miraculous, yes?”

“Yeah…?”

“Then why did we have it?”

“Who’s **We?”**

_~_

The coven makes her skin crawl. 

_“Hello, **Guardian.** ”_

When she looks at their leader she feels ike she’s freezing solid and burning alive all at once.

_She whips around. Out of the shadows slinks a man. His hair is dark as pitch and his eyes smoldering coals. Around his neck is a pendant, glowing a sickly red._

She looks at them and something in her minds screams, screams, **screams–**

_“I– I’m not–”_

She wants to run. She **needs** to run.

_The man smirks, sparks in his eyes flaring. “Oh yes you are. You are also the ladybug. How convenient for me. Where is the black cat?”_

She fights.

_“You won’t find him. You’ll **never** find him.”_

She does not – can not **will not** – stop.

_“You misunderstand, Guardian. I don’t care about the boy. I care about the ring.”_

~

She’s found her key. It’s shaped like butterfly wings.

With it she can unlock any cage.

Hers…

…And other’s.

~

Cambion’s eyes are bright too. But not like his partners. Broken edges glittering sharp enough to cut.

~

Nooroo knew her. Before. He **knew her.**

_“Are you ready to become the Guardian?”_

Every time he tries to tell her anything about her past her head swims and she drowns in everything she’s missing.

_“I am.”_

Again and again and **again.**

_“Then let’s begin.”_

She does not – can not **will not** – stop.

~

_“What is going on?”_

She doesn’t care what Le Peon says. He is not justified in what he’s doing.

_No. No no no no no. Gabriel was never supposed to find out. Nooroo and Duusu float closer to her, hiding in her hair, finally picking up on the tension in the air. “Um. I can explain?”_

_“Please do.” She represses a wince at the coldness of the tone and frantically tries to decide how little she can tell him._

He is selfish and shortsighted and **violent–**

_If she were a better wife she would tell him everything._

He fights against children and calls himself justified.

_If she were a better soulmate she would have told him everything from the beginning._

He hates her.

_She loves Gabriel but he can be so–_

The feeling is mutual.

~

“…but first we can walk down to the Alhambra. I hear the courtyard of tigers is one of France’s best…” Bruce continues to blather on and on, apparently oblivious to the way Gabriel looks physically pained with each increasingly wrong word. He catches her eye and winks.

 _(His expression is stern and impassive until you reach his eyes, which glitter with humor._ )

“What do you think, we have time to go real quick, pop in and out, snap some photos?”

_(This is what she needs.)_

She fights down a grin and does her best to nod solemnly along.

_(Someone who understands.)_

“Unfortunately, Nathalie made our reservation for 18:30, so we need to get moving if we want to get there on time.”

“Really? Where does the time go, am I right? We’ll just have to go next time.”

_(Even with Gabriel knowing everything)_

Gabriel looks even more pained. “Surely your company in Gotham requires more attention than–”

_(–not everything never everything he never will–)_

“Nonsense! That’s what the private jet’s for!”

_(he doesn’t **understand.)**_

“You’re welcome in our home anytime.”

_(reaching past what she has, reaching past what she should but **reaching–** )_

“What sort of man can’t make time for the important people in his life?”

~

“What are you doing here?”

(some days she’s not certain she’s real)

“I just wanted to look through a few things.”

(she’s a shadow)

“See if it sparked anything.”

(a living doll.)

“It’s not safe.” Gabriel pulls her away from the computer, guiding her out of the room.

(hollow and precious)

“We agreed it was dangerous for you to try to jog your own memory.”

~

_Marianne’s entire focus is locked onto Fu. Her expression is like some missing vital piece has finally slid back into place. “Hello Fu. It’s good to see you again.”_

_Fu looks much the same. “Marianne. I– I have missed you. So very much.”_

_She watches the reunion and her heart aches for a reason she can’t place._

~

Is is wrong that she sometimes looks forward to Bruce’s arrival more than Gabriel’s?

~

Her family keeps secrets.

She keeps secrets too.

She keeps them better.

~

“Wait! Will you just– **Wait!** ”

Psyche pauses. The guardian lands next to her. His new suit glints green in the streetlights. (like _~~can~~_ my _~~I~~_ grandfather _~~call~~ _before _~~you~~_ me _~~grandpapa?~~_ I am–)

_“The miraculous are magic. As the Guardian you are magic too. You will always have a connection to the miracle box and the kwamis, even after you eventually pass the duty on to your successor.”_

“Who are you?”

_“So you’re saying I’ll always be magic.”_

He’s only looking for a name. She can’t help feeling like it’s a deeper question than that.

_“There is… a safety measure. That can be taken to protect the miracle box should the worst come to pass.”_

She leaves without a word.

_“It severs you entirely from the miraculous, destroying all that connects you, including your magic… and all of your memories.”_

She is Psyche. And she is the emptiness.

“ _But that is a last resort. Not something you or I will ever have to worry about.”_

~

“Um, hi.” The masked child waves at her from where he’s crouched on the rooftop she just landed on. She doesn’t answer.

_“But Maman shouldn’t I at least **try** transforming?”_

The boy stands and holds out a hand. “We’ve been working together – or, uh, kinda working together I guess. At least you punch Le Paon more than you punch us. Anyway we’ve been um, pseudo working together for like two months now but I don’t think we’ve ever properly introduced.” His hand is still out, waiting for her to grasp.

_“No. You’re still too young.”_

His partner lands before I can become clear that she will not. “Heads up we’ve got a Mr. Pigeon sighting which means Psy– Oh.” The masked child waves at her. “Um, hi.”

_“Kid’s gonna grow up some time. Better he’s got a handle on it now.”_

~

_“Ooops.”_

“Stop! In the name of the law, as the only **true** superhero I am honor-bound to arrest you!”

_“Ooops? You reveal yourself in front of a civilian and that’s all you have to say for yourself? **Ooops?** ”_

Psyche does not even pause in her stride. The girl stutters but can’t keep up. “Hey! Wait! You’re supposed to stop and let me take you in!”

_“Well maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe she’s **supposed** to know about us.”_

She has been trapped before. She will not be caught so easily again.

_“Ever think about that?”_

~

There are superheroes in Paris. She fights alongside them, against them, for them. She is alone and free and unmoored.

~

_The pendant, glows a sickly red. The light dances off his face like flames and hellfire._

Her son.

_“With this I have bound your magic and blood to my own.”_

The Guardian is her son.

_“I don’t care about the boy but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to use him.”_

Her precious, perfect little boy.

_“You seemed quite close. A son perhaps?”_

He’s out there, alone, leading children because it’s the only choice he has.

_“Return to him and seal his doom.”_

(Nooroo **knew her.** )

She had dragged Adrien into this. She had left him with this.

_“Try to flee and you seal your own.”_

There had to have been a better choice. 

_“Or.”_

**Why didn’t she find a better choice?**

_“Give me the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous.”_

~

…The Guardian is their son.

And Gabriel **knew.**

He **knew** and he hasn’t been there for their son.

He’s been **fighting against him.**

How can he claim to love him then turn around and everyone he cares about, everyone he fights with?

She doesn’t care what his **reasoning** is. What happens the day it goes too far and–

~

_The coffin is so small._

_Marinette is clinging to Sabine, face buried in her side. Adrien is tucked next to her. Tom has wrapped himself around them, doing his best to hold them up. She should be over there with them. She doesn’t move._

_The Wayne children are clumped together in a solemn group. The living ones._

_Alfred is directly next to the headstone at parade rest spine straight, holding vigil. Bruce is at the foot of the gravesite. His eyes never leave the coffin as it’s lowered in._

_The coffin is **so** small._

_The minister finishes. Dirt begins getting shoveled onto the coffin. Everyone slowly starts filing out._

_Bruce doesn’t move._

_She doesn’t either._

_They’re parents raising children in a world so much more dangerous, miraculous… **deadly.**_

_The coffin is so **small.**_

_Bruce crumbles._

_There should never have to be a funeral for an eleven-year-old._

~

She loves Gabriel but–

_“Gabriel what is this? What are you doing?”_

She loves Gabriel but–

_“What I **have** to. To protect our family.”_

She loves Gabriel but–

_“By **stealing** the miraculous?”_

She loves Gabriel but–

“ _Gabriel. What. Did. You. **Do?** ”_

~

Is she wrong that she sometimes wonders if the universe made a mistake making her and Gabriel soulmates?

~

The entire city goes dark.

She doesn’t realize at first. She’s sitting in the library reading, pretending her cage is still locked, when the lights go out.

_Is the power out? In just this room though…?_

Then Adrien runs past the doorway looking frantic.

She grabs Nooroo’s brooch and follows.

~

_“Let’s see how fast you can track me from your new homes!” A dozen portals open under the coven members feet._

_~_

_“How long do you think they’ll be gone for?”_

_“I… don’t know, my guardian.”_

_“Did I at least manage to send Mephistopheles to space?”_

_“No, my guardian. He will most likely be injured from his landing but he will survive it. He will be back. For you.”_

_“What am I supposed to do?”_

_“I… I don’t know.”_

~

The first explosion happens less than two minutes after she gets up to the rooftops. It’s a tower of flame stabbing up into the sky. She can feel the heat from here.

_“You need to give me back to Adrien right **now!!!** ”_

_“I already told y–”_

_“Then pick somebody else! Because those creeps are back! They’re attacking right now!!”_

~

Adrien is dancing along the rooftops, ever-changing powers, ever-changing name but always the same face. Always her little boy.

_(her precious perfect baby)_

He’s surrounded by his team. Ever-changing names, ever-changing faces but always the same heart. He’s placed his trust well. She’s so proud of him.

She’s proud of all of them.

~

_She hides the miracle box. Gabriel never found the grimoire. She hides that too._

_She takes the butterfly miraculous so she can fight. She takes the horse miraculous in case she has to run._

_She can fix this._

~

She gets swept into the heat of battle. The explosions never end. The fight never stops.

Neither does she.

She does not – can not **will not** – stop.

~

_She **has** to fix this._

_~_

She is hunting.

_“Duusu! Spread my Feathers!”_

The coven’s leader is missing. She will find him.

_Nothing happens._

She stalks across the rooftops. She will end this.

_She reaches out with her magic for Nooroo._

She doesn’t find the coven leader.

_He’s not there._

Instead she finds Le Paon.

_There’s no magic at all._

Gabriel.

_The miraculous isn’t real. It’s a copy._

_(Gabriel what did you do?)_

_~_

_The pendant goes sailing through the portal vanishing as it closes. She smirks. “You lose.”_

_(“So you’re saying I’ll always be magic.”)_

_Fool! You misunderstand again Guardian! It doesn’t matter whether the pendant is in my possession! Our **magics** are bound together!”_

_(“There is… a safety measure.)_

_“So long as that pendant exists I can track your magic anywhere!_

_(“It severs you entirely from the miraculous, destroying all that connects you, including your magic… and all of your memories.”)_

_Beyond the boundary of this world and any others you might flee to! You shall never escape!!”_

_(_ “ _But that is a last resort.”)_

_~_

_(“He will be back. For you.”)_

_“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. It’s in your hands now baby. Be brave, be strong. I know it’s a lot to put on your shoulders but I know you can do this.”_

_(“What am I supposed to do?”)_

_“_ _You’re going to be amazing I just know it. I’m so proud of you. So so very proud of you.”_

_(“I… I don’t know.”)_

_“Maman what’s going on?”_

_~_

She drops her transformation.

(She is Psyche. And she is the emptiness.)

Gabriel startles when he sees her.

(Hollow and precious.)

“Emilie.”

_“This is your choice Gabriel.”_

“Gabriel.”

**_“Yours.”_ **

He startles even harder. He stammers out an excuse. She lets it fall to silence.

_“And the consequences of it are on **your** head.”_

“Gabriel I know.”

_“Where are you going?_

Gabriel drops his transformation.

_“I’m leaving. I’m going to go fix what **you** broke.”_

“What are you doing out here? It’s not safe.”

_“And protect **our** son–”_

“What am **I** doing out here? Gabriel what are **you** doing out here?”

_(“What I **have** to. To protect our family.”)_

“I’m protecting our family.”

_(“By **stealing** the miraculous?”)_

“And how does this protect our family?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

( _“He– He knew I was the Guardian.”)_

She steps closer until she’s directly in front of Gabriel. She stops, a hairsbreath away. close enough to feel his breath on her skin. She stares up at her husband. Her soulmate.”

(She loves Gabriel but–)

She reaches out.

_(“Gabriel. What. Did. You. **Do?** ”)_

Gabriel staggers when she plucks the peacock brooch off his chest as if he’s been struck.

_(And I’m Duusu!)_

She darts back out of reach before he can recover.

_(“So you’re saying I’ll always be magic.”)_

“What are you doing?”

_(“Where are you going?”)_

“I’m leaving.”

_“–And then we will not be back.”_

* * *

“It is a date, not an execution. You don’t even have to ask, you merely have to accept. It is not that complicated a concept. You say yes, you arrive at the appointed time and location in clothing chosen by Marinette because your fashion sense is non-existent, and you attempt to resist the urge to make any god-awful puns. Everything past that is manageable.”

“But what if when we go on our first date everything goes wrong? What if it turns out I’m cursed like you two were!”

“Hey! Damian and I haven’t had a failed date in months! Don’t go dragging that up!”

“Besides, even if you are similarly ‘cursed’ as you so idiotically claim we were, that is all the more reason to make the first attempt at a date now if you wish to have any hope of a successful romantic encounter before you graduate lycée.”

“We’re still in collège!”

“Precisely.”

“Oh be nice Damian!”

Emilie leans back so she can see the children. Marinette’s swatting at Damian’s shoulder, attempting to be sternly disapproving but smiling far too widely to manage. Adrien is sprawled out on the floor, clutching a pillow. Both of them look five seconds away from breaking into giggles and even Damian’s eyes are bright with laughter.

She watches for a few more seconds, soaking in the joy, before turning back to her tea. Marianne is watching her, smile playing on her lips above the rim of her teacup. “They grow up so quickly don’t they? I’m so glad Fu and I didn’t miss all of this.”

“They do. And it’s good to have you two back home again.”

“It’s good to be back home. Now we just have to figure out a place to live.”

”We’ll find you something. And in the meantime this apartment is big enough to house twenty. Damian’s got a whole pile of questions about the miraculous that this will give him a chance to ask. And Adrien will love to have his grandparents so close by after so long.”

Fu glances past her over at where Adrien is. “Taking my my old name, publicly declaring himself the guardian, creating a rotation of wielders… I shouldn’t be surprised that Adrien rewrote all of the rules for being the guardian while I was gone.”

“Yeah,” Emilie lets her gaze stray back to her son. He’s got the pillow out and is trying to hit Damian with it while Plagg eggs both his kittens on and Marinette and Tikki split a cookie and watch. “He’s a better guardian than I ever was.”

“No. You were a fine guardian. I was the one who failed you. I left you and Adrien behind just as the coven was closing in. And you paid the price for it.”

“You did what you had to to keep our family safe. We both did.” She takes a drink. She’s surrounded by family she’d forgotten she even had. Laughter filters in from the other room. Their home is warm and bright, not a single cage or lock in sight. “What I have is now is well worth what I paid for it. I still have everything important. And as for what I lost, well, Bruce is stubborn and so am I. We’ll get it back.”

Fu runs his hands across his teacup. Even Marianne looks pained. “I feel I have to warn you yet again. No guardian who’s given up their memories has ever been able to retrieve them.”

Emilie just smiles. “Well then I’ll just have to rewrite some rules too.”


	8. Name of the Game (chaos angel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which meetings are exclusively incapable of happening anywhere other than rooftops, all the birds have opinions, and it turns out their brand-new Robin does in fact have a friend she's just feral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've returned to the Chaos Angel universe. Things are… probably still as confusing as before. Have Marinette's first meeting with the Batfam. It goes…… Well. Ish.  
> No one's left bleeding. That's a strong start, yeah?

It was a quiet Sunday night.

The first quiet night in a month.

“Something should have happened by now.”

Nightwing leaned against the edge of the roof, getting comfortable. “Some nights are just like that.”

“Tt. Degenerates do not stop simply because you cannot find them.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“This is a waste of time,” Robin huffed, hunching down further and glaring down at the warehouse they were overlooking.

“You’ve only just started doing this. Trust me, this is normal.”

“Normal does not imply sufficient. If something is normally subpar that does not make that acceptable.”

Nightwing let his head drop. “Robin–”

A figure launched itself out of the shadows.

Robin jumped back, barely avoiding the knife that had been aimed at his neck. Pulling out a sword, the assailant followed after. Robin flipped backwards to avoid being skewered, throwing a barrage of batarangs as he went. The figure seemed to have expected the attack and dodged them easily. 

Cursing, Nightwing threw himself after them. “So much for a quiet night.” Without even turning to look at him the figure threw an explosive at Nightwing’s feet. Nightwing dived out of the way. Meanwhile Robin pulled his own sword free just as the figure launched another strike.

There was a shriek of metal as their swords clashed. The blades locked. The attacker only had one hand on their sword and they started getting pushed them back. Silver flashed as the figure lashed out with the knife with their other hand. The swords broke free and the figure darted back.

As Robin lifted his sword again blood trickled down his cheek.

As suddenly as the attack began it stopped.

The figure stepped back. Robin froze, sword poised to attack but unmoving.

Nightwing inched closer, pulling out his escrima sticks. Now that the figure had stopped moving he could see that it was a girl, no older than Damian. No longer cloaked in shadows she looked almost impossibly small and young. The easy lethality with which she held her sword belied the illusion.

It was a fair description of both sides of the standoff. Impossibly small, impossibly young and impossibly lethal.

“Sloppy.” The girl lifted her sword, tilting the blade so the blood could be seen. “You weren’t expecting an attack. You let yourself be complacent.”

“A single scratch is hardly a victory.”

“But it is still first blood.”

“Landing the first blow doesn’t matter, only landing the last.”

“Any blow can be the last.”

“Not unless you have vastly improved the potency of the neurotoxin you favor.”

The girl’s face split into a smile. “I only do that to those I don’t like.” With a quick turn of her wrist she wiped the blood off her blade, sheathing it.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you. I wanted to see the life you were making here.”

Robin sheathed his sword. After a moment Nightwing put his escrima sticks away. “Hi,” he said, walking over to them. “I don’t think we got a proper introduction. Who are you?”

The girl turned to look at him. She was a cute kid. Big blue eyes and dark hair that was just starting to grow out from a harshly close-cropped cut into wispy curls. When she smiled it revealed dimples in her slightly too thin cheeks. “Dick Grayson.”

Nightwing already regretted putting his escrima sticks away. “Yeah, I don’t think so,” he said, going for humor even as he palmed a batarang. “I’ve lived in Gotham for a long time now and I’m afraid I have to tell you that you are not in fact Dick Grayson.”

“Apologies. You’re in uniform. Nightwing.”

Nightwing stared at her. In addition to the sword she had at least three knives that he could clock as well. There was a utility belt around her hips that her hand was not so casually resting on and what he’d originally taken as plain black sweater was actually slightly too-large body armor. “Nightwing’s fine. But you haven’t answered my question.”

“You’re known as a highly protective and loyal brother.” Her expression abruptly went cold. “I trust that you will be the same with Damian. And that the batarang you’re holding is meant as a last measure for defense of your brother and not as means for immediate violence.”

“Angel, Grayson, despite all his training, insists on an almost fanatical level of irenic behavior in relation to his– _our_ family. The batarang is because you are an unknown entity, in case you attack.”

The hardness cracked and her gaze flicked back to Robin before returning to Nightwing. “That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t decide it’s necessary to attack through you to reach me.”

_“I wouldn’t.”_

“I would.”

“Angel. He is not easily provoked but that does not mean you should try to do so.”

The girl turned fully back to Robin. She studied him for a long moment. “You don’t want a fight.”

“I do not.”

A small smile crept back onto her face. “You have a home here.” It slipped away, fading into a thoughtful expression. “Are you happy?”

Robin startled. “I–”

“Never mind.” She took a quick step forward, wrapping her hand gently around his. The surprising part came when he didn’t shake her off or duck away. Instead he let her hand stay where it was. “For now, you’re here and I’m here. That’s what matters.” She took a half-step back and turned to look out over the rooftops, making sure to keep her hand firmly connected to Robin’s.

“I thought I might see the sights of Gotham. Get to know your home.” For the first time that night she faltered. “Unless, you don’t…”

Robin lurched forward almost subconsciously. “No! I don’t– I mean, I do. I do want you here.”

She leaned forward until her forehead brushed against his. Then she stepped back. “I suppose you have patrol to finish,” she said almost wistfully. Then her grin turned impish and she added, _“Robin.”_

“It is a quiet night.”

“Really.” Her grin widened. “In that case, do you want to show me your city?”

“I would like that,” he said softly.

The girl giggled and without another word lightly skipped off the roof, Robin following alongside.

Nightwing stared after them, trying to figure out what had just happened.

He slowly raised his hand to his comm. “Batman. We have a problem. Or maybe a guest.”

_-“Which is it?”-_

“I’m not actually sure.”

* * *

Damian didn’t arrive back at the Batcave until half an hour before dawn. He refused to say anything about the girl. Even in the face of Bruce’s most intimidating interrogation he just glared back and didn’t say anything.

This continued for four days.

During that time a shadow flitted across the rooftops of Gotham, occasionally catching on the corners of the Bats’ eyes on patrol.

He refused to say anything about that either.

Unsurprisingly it boiled over fairly quickly.

Patrols had quickly ramped up to all hands on deck every night when it became clear she was still somewhere in Gotham.

It was that night, while Batman had been called away to talk with Gordon when it came to a head. Red Robin caught sight of her leaping across the rooftops and gave chase, ignoring everyone yelling after him. He followed after her across rooftops, through the eaves and around gargoyles before finally losing her.

“Did you catch her?” Spoiler asked when he came swinging back.

“Does it _look_ like I caught her?”

“I told you not to pursue,” Nightwing said.

“We can’t just let her dance across Gotham indefinitely. _Someone_ had to do _something._ ”

Robin stormed up to him, sword already unsheathed. “And what exactly was your plan should she have let you catch her?”

“Get some answers. Since _you_ don’t seem inclined to give any. And what do you mean _let_ me catch her?”

“Tt. As if _you_ are capable–”

“I can handle _you,_ you really think some runaway League of Assassins drop out–” Robin tackled him.

Red Hood casually stepped out of the way of the flailing mass, purposely not even trying to separate the two of them. When Nightwing glared at him he shot him a shit-eating grin back.

They hit the edge of the roof, separating when they slammed into the guardrail. Robin immediately brought his sword back up, swinging it down directly towards Red Robin’s neck. Red Robin rolled out of the way at the same time a long knife thrust itself between the two, catching Robin’s blade.

A ripple of movement went through bats at the sudden appearance of the mystery girl. She ignored all of them, keeping her eyes locked on Robin’s.

“That is enough.” She pushed the sword out of the way. “He is your brother.”

“He is not–”

“He **is.** if you want to be Damian Wayne then he is. Names come with meaning Damian.”

Robin didn’t reply but he did sheath his sword. Red Robin picked himself up, not relaxing his grip on his bo staff. “Well okay then. This is not how I expected the night to go.”

The girl turned towards him with a smile. It would have been a cheerfully unassuming smile if not for the body armor she was wearing or the knife she still held. “Hello.”

The weapons that had been pulled out were slowly put away. 

Black Bat, the only one who hadn’t pulled any weapon to start with, strode forward, grinning wide enough to be obvious even through her normally unreadable mask. “Angel.”

The girl smiled even as she shook her head. “That is not my name, although it is something Damian is allowed to call me.” The unspoken _and only Damian_ was clear enough even Killer Croc would have been able to get the message.

“Then what are we supposed to call you?” Red Hood asked, leaning back against a jutting gargoyle. “Crazy chick?”

“You can call me Seraphina.”

Black Bat’s smile got even bigger. “Seraphina.” She held a hand out, holding it patiently a bare inch above the other girl’s arm. In response Seraphina reached forward with her own arm until they were half-hugging each other in welcome.

“Black Bat,” she greeted as she stepped back.

“Cass.”

“Cass. Your brother reminded me earlier this week that it’s poor form to address someone by their given name while in uniform.”

Spoiler raised her hand, waving it back and forth like an overeager kid at school. “But you still call Robin by–”

**_“She’s allowed.”_ **

Everyone turned to stare at Robin. The mystery girl beamed.

“Exactly. Damian is Damian. No matter what. But calling everyone by their given names while in uniform defeats the purpose of the masks.”

Spoiler slid up next to her. “So if we can convince you to hang out with us out of uniform?”

Seraphina giggled, the sound light and airy. She leaned back until she caught eyes with Robin. “I like your sisters.” Turning back to Spoiler grinned. “Well it wouldn’t be very smart to call you Spoiler at that point so if you’d let me I suppose I’d call you Steph.”

Spoiler grinned back. “Oh I’m keeping you. Can I keep you?”

All at once Seraphina’s expression darkened. **“I am not something that can be _kept._ ”**

Spoiler scuttled backwards. “Woah. Okay, emotion whiplash.”

Robin stepped in between the two of them. He reached out, gently gripping her shoulder and moving closer. “Different connotation Angel.”

Seraphina blinked. “Right. I– knew that. I used to know that.” She sagged against him muttering something not in English too low for the others to hear. Damian responded in kind. When she pulled back her face was carefully drained of all visible emotion.

She turned back to the group and pasted a polite smile on her face. Her eyes however were still blank. “Tim. I’m afraid I don’t yet know your new hero name.”

“Red Robin.”

“Red Robin.” Her head tilted in consideration. “You gave up Robin fairly quickly, didn’t you.”

Red Robin’s face twisted. “And whose fault is that?” he muttered to himself.

Not quite as quiet as he’d hoped.

“Not everything that’s ours we get to keep. And not everything we fight so hard to get back we fit anymore. If you really think you still should be Robin that’s between you and your brother, not me. All I’ll say is it is an underlying fact of life that everything that is once yours will one day no longer be.”

“Well that’s… dark.”

“It’s simply the truth.”

“O…kay.”

“It is more than understandable for you to be upset, even resentful of the fact that your former alias was taken away.”

Red Robin stared at Seraphina. Seraphina stared impassively back at him. “…Right.”

“However.” What little expression that had come back to her face dropped away. “If you ever resent Damian for the fact of his existence I will make sure you are in a position to **_regret_** it. For what I promise would prove to be a very long time.”

“Shit.” Red Hood broke into laughter. “Congratulations Demon Brat. Your friend here’s both crazier and way too good for you. He pushed past the others until he was in front of the two of them. “I don't know why you’ve forgotten how to be a normal human and I don’t care. You’ll remember how to eventually. And if you don’t it’s not like anyone up here is exactly sane.” He waved a hand at Damian. “I mean, the he’s got more kills than years alive. And I’m hardly a saint.”

Some emotion seeped back into Seraphina’s eyes. “I think I like your brothers too.”

Robin meanwhile glared at Nightwing. “Keeping the batarang out was one thing. Holding it at the ready is another.”

Seraphina caught his hand before he could reach his sword. “Let him. He’s protective. And it makes him feel better.” Something caught her eye on another roof. “And now I should go.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Robin’s cheek before running off, weaving between bodies and over the edge.

Almost like clockwork as soon as Seraphina vanished into the shadows Batman appeared on the roof.

* * *

Damian refused to say anything about his Angel yet again. It didn’t stop everyone _else_ from talking about her for the entire day.

Even Alfred wasn’t immune, baking a double batch of his lemon shortbread biscuits to coax the main gossip hub into his kitchen.

Damian had responded by stealing a plateful and vanishing. Bruce had propped himself in the far corner of the kitchen listening in a way that said he was taking a lot of mental notes. Least in the loop was not a position he was particularly… fond of being in.

“She’s French, right?” Steph asked, munching on three cookies at once. Jason had tapped out on his limit for interacting with Bruce past what even Alfred’s cookies could overcome which meant there were extra cookies that were free game. She fully intended to eat _all_ of them. “That was like, the undercurrent of her accent right? Like, it’s got a couple other accents overlaying it but underneath all that the strongest one’s French, right? You heard it too?”

Tim broke his own cookie in half, eating one of the pieces. “Just because it sounded French-ish doesn’t mean that she’s French. I mean, it could just be that’s where she’s spent the most time or where she was the most recently. And that’s if it’s actually a French accent and not something else entirely.” He popped the other half in his mouth. 

Cass sat cross-legged in one of the kitchen chairs with a mug of now lemon-biscuit infused tea. “New sister,” she said with a smile.

Across the table Dick and Barbara were both eyeing the last cookie. Dick lunged for it. Barbara angled her wheelchair into Dick’s shin, snatching it from him as he hopped back in pain. She shoved the entire thing in her mouth with one hand, throwing the other up in victory.

“It’s definitely French,” she said when she’d finally swallowed the last of her cookie. “What I’m having trouble with is what the other accents layered over it are.”

“When did you talk to her?” Tim asked.

“Yeah,” Dick said, leaning forward on the counter. “I thought you didn’t get any video from her impromptu meet and greet.”

“I didn’t. I called her.”

Steph abruptly started choking on the last of her cookie.

“You _called_ her!?”

“How?!”

Cass’s smile grew. “New sister,” she said again before taking a long, very smug drink of tea.

“Seraphina’s been signing at me through security cameras all over the city. So when she was nearby that old payphone everyone refuses to tear out I called her. She’s nice.”

Alfred pulled out his plate of reserve cookies and set it directly in front of Barbara.

“If you’ve been able to track her through security feeds, why didn’t you tell us how to find her,” Bruce demanded.

Barbara shrugged. She grabbed another cookie, slapping Dick’s hand away as it inched toward the plate. “Get your own Alfred bribes, these are mine. She’s good at dodging cameras. If I wasn’t used to tracking you lot I would have lost her so many times. As it is I’m almost embarrassed how many times I lost her as is. And I got the feeling if I started actually tracking her she’d start ripping out cameras. Besides which, I didn’t want to. She’s a sweet kid. I didn’t want to sic all of you on her.”

Bruce nodded sharply. Then he turned and stalked out of the room.

“Bruce?” Barbara called after him. “Bruce, don’t tell me you’re about to go down into the cave and try to track her.” When he didn’t answer her she wheeled after him. “I just told you she’d probably start ripping out cameras. Bruce do not provoke that girl into attacking my surveillance system. Bruce!”

* * *

It was a quiet Saturday night.

Between Seraphina’s appearance Thursday night and her complete lack of appearance the night before Bruce had called an end to the full-group patrols. It was just Batman and Robin out right now, staking out the same building Nightwing and Robin had at the beginning of the week.

The time passed in silence.

A lone man hurried down the alley. Glancing nervously around he unlocked the side door and slipped inside.

The waiting continued.

Batman didn’t say a word.

Beside him, Robin didn’t either.

After almost an hour the door opened and the man slipped out again. He locked the door before glancing around again. Apparently satisfied he pulled out his phone.

“It’s me. Yeah, we’re all good here. I checked everything three times I swear! Everything’s there nothing’s been touched! Right. Okay. Yes boss.”

Hanging up he scurried nervously away.

The two of them watched him leave until he was out of sight.

Robin glanced up at his father.

Batman didn’t say anything.

“That means the trackers weren’t found, right?”

“It does.”

The tone was cold and clipped. In Damian’s other life it was a tone that would have meant blood and pain and possibly someone’s death, be careful that it isn’t you. Damian didn’t flinch. Flinching wasn’t safe. Showing weakness wasn’t safe.

Instead he lifted his chin. He had handled worse.

     _ That kill was supposed to be executed by **Marinette** , Grandson. _

He would not give ground. Not when it came to his Angel.

     _ Damian, you try to protect me like that again and I swear my first kill is going to be you. Now sit still, you’re still bleeding. _   


Not now, not ever.

     _ My son, if you continue to allow yourself to be distracted in your loyalty by Marinette actions will have to be taken. _

“I will not tell you about her. Nor will I allow you to capture her. Or– do anything else to her.”

Batman sighed. “I had a feeling you were going to say that. I hope you know I’m not going to stop investigating her.”

“You can’t–”

“So long as she’s in my city I will. I’m not saying she’s a threat. But she’s already made it clear she’s capable of being dangerous. And I can’t allow her to remain an unknown.” Batman caught Robin’s hand. He hadn’t even realized it had been reaching for his sword. He crouched down until he was eye level with his son. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to immediately throw your friend in Arkham.”

There was a soft scuff of boots on concrete. Seraphina appeared from behind a nearby parapet. She stared over at Batman.

“You are very different from Talia. And very different from Ra’s.” Batman stiffened. Seraphina continued to stare at him, studying. “There is a difference between a good man and a good father. You have not always been known to be the later.”

Batman paused. Then he slowly nodded. “I know.”

“But I think you try.”

“I like to think so.”

Seraphina smiled. Then she turned to Robin. She reached out and brushed her across his brow, settling it on his cheek. He was strung tight enough that he didn’t dare lean into it. “I think you could be happy. I think you could be happy here.”

“And what about you?”

“I am happy. I will be happy.” She flung her arms around him, clinging. “I’m happy Damian. I promise. Please be happy too.”

Robin clung back, tucking his face into her hair. “I’ll try.”

“Good.” She stepped back and wiped at her eyes, giving him a watery smile. “I am going to have a good life. Please try to have a good one too. You are free. Your life is in your hands now. No one else’s. Don’t let anyone else take it. You deserve a good life Damian.”

Seraphina turned and nodded at Batman. “Do not stop trying to be a good father to Damian.”

“I take it you’re not staying.”

“My life is in my hands. No one else’s.” She stepped back until she was at the edge of the parapet. She reached the edge and gave one last smile. “Have a good life Damian.”

Damian took a half-step forward but didn’t try to follow or stop her. “Have a good life Angel.”

She swung her legs over the edge of the wall, pulled out a grappling line, and then was gone.

Damian watched the space where she’d last been.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?”

Don’t answer it’s a trap no one ever asks unless it’s a trap never admit you’re not alright never admit that you are weak–

     _ You can tell me when you’re not alright Damian. I’m your soulmate you can trust me. _

     _ You deserve to be human Damian. _

“No.” He glanced up at his father. “I’m not.”

The hand on his shoulder squeezed, reassuring. “Let’s go home.”

Damian took one last look at the empty space. “I think that would be good.” Together, father and son turned and walked away, into the quiet of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly more melancholy ending for this one. This is before Marinette establishes herself as a frequent drop-in guest in Gotham.
> 
> When I first wrote Chaos Angel I actually considered starting here since it's a little more of a traditional chronological starting point but I didn't want any ambiguity about whether she'd be back. (on the audience's part at least. The Batfam has several conflicting opinions about whether and when she will at this point. Bets will be placed and knives will be thrown.)


	9. Anything That Can Go Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When ninjas from a secret death cult have come to kill you is it too much to ask for the ninjas to be your biggest problem?
> 
> Abso-freakin-lutely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Every Morning is largely tropey, self-indulgent floof it does still have a story structure and a trajectory I knew I wanted to follow. Night of the Ninjas was actually one of the hardest chapters to figure out conceptually, especially in terms of who would learn what when and how it would impact the story going forward. This chapter, by contrast, is one part murphy’s law one part what would personally amuse me most.
> 
> Also we've got a beta now! Round of applause for blueisasome! They're the reason there's 1000% less errors in this chapter.

There is a family-wide argument over who will go to Paris to protect Marinette from Talia. Damian wins because it’s Marinette and he will rend reality apart in order to win.

So yeah, it’s safe to say he wins rather handily.

Batman goes to call Superman to get the batjet back. At the last moment he reconsiders.

“Superman, I need the internal components of my teleporter back.” He rattled off the appropriate codes to mark it as a class 33A emergency so he needs those parts immediately.

“You still have the equipment to teleport to the Watchtower.”

“I’m not teleporting to the Watchtower.”

“If you’re teleporting anywhere near where the League has a pre-established teleportation landing zone it makes more sense to do a double hop from the Watchtower.”

“I’m not going anywhere the Watchtower has materialization clearance. I need those parts. _Now._ ”

“…Just… please tell me you’re not going to cause any global incidents or anything that I’ll have to smooth over.”

“I’m not.”

(Superman is a reasonably intelligent individual and has known Bruce for decades by this point. So he should have caught the _absolute planet-sized loophole_ in this answer. There are half a dozen people currently in the cave who could use that teleporter to cause an international incident in Batman’s stead. But sometimes willful blindness wins out, even for superpowered alien heroes.)

~^~

There’s still the minor issue of _who’s_ going. Explaining why Damian Wayne knows how to fight the way he does would be… complicated. To say nothing about how he’s connected to a cult of assassins. But Robin’s not allowed in France. It’s not that his family doesn’t trust him to keep a low profile, it’s just that…

No, it’s exactly that.

“Come on Dami,” Dick calls, walking further into the storage area of the cave. “I think we’ve got some old uniform pieces that’ll fit you.”

“I have a uniform already.”

“As Robin,” Tim says. “How about we avoid the global incident and angry French officials.”

“It’ll be great! Making up new identities is fun!” Steph adds. “What do you want your name to be?”

“Tt.”

If there is one thing Damian will never learn it’s that if he doesn’t participate when it comes to these things his siblings will just do so without his input.

I’m sure this won’t come back to bite him at _aallll._

* * *

Meanwhile over in Paris there are ninjas.

A lot of them.

In the main story Damian calls Marinette about the ninjas, she doesn’t believe him until the first ones show up, and that’s when she calls Damian.

In the main story Marinette is alone when the ninjas first attack and Chat Noir’s arrival gives her the exact five-second window she needed to hide and transform.

In the main story Ladybug is able to call Damian using her regular Marinette phone.

In the main story Adrien clocks that there’s a few logical gaps to ‘Marinette is being attacked by ninjas because don’t worry about it but I’ve just now hidden her you don’t need to know where and called for help with it’s not important’ but he’s also still in the middle of his ‘oh god my dad’s Hawkmoth, Ladybug should never trust me with anything ever again’ panic spiral so he’s not about to push.

In the main story Robin arrives hours later to Ladybug and Chat who’ve slowed things down playing cat and mouse/dodge and hide and the real battle doesn’t start until he gets there.

This is not the main story.

 _Here,_ Damian calls Marinette about the ninjas, she doesn’t believe him until the first ones show up, and by then she’s not really in a position to call him.

 _Here,_ Marinette is with Alya and Nino when the ninjas first attack and Chat Noir’s arrival does nothing since she’s currently in the middle of a worried friend sandwich.

 _Here,_ Marinette can’t call Damian because how exactly is she supposed to explain knowing why the ninjas are here – one because she does not want to explain the… scarier parts of Damian and two because she doesn’t actually know why the ninjas are here why the hell are ninjas after her.

 _Here,_ Adrien clocks that there are ninjas after his friend and he’s still in the middle of his ‘oh god my dad’s Hawkmoth’ spiral so he doubles down hard on the whole ‘Ladybug shouldn’t trust me but that doesn’t mean I can’t still be a hero and do _this._ ’

 _Here,_ the ninjas are not going to slow down when their prey is right there.

Marinette needs to get away before Damian gets here or else she never will.

Good thing she’s got several hours to do so.

Oh wait, he’s not using the jet he’s using the teleporter.

He’ll be there in ten minutes.

Tops.

* * *

“Guys, really you should go! I mean, we should split up! That is, the ninjas seem mostly interested in me there’s really no reason for you to get hurt!”

“Are you kidding? We’re not going to leave you alone with this!”

“Did you really think we would just abandon you to ninjas?”

“No! Of course not! I just meant, that… it’s easier to hide one person than it is three! I’m sure Chat Noir can take care of me and I don’t want to see either of you getting hurt and it’s easier to protect just one person than it is three so… it seemed like the safer option for everyone?”

Chat drops down from where he’s finally fended off the last of the current wave of ninjas. He grabs Marinette’s wrist and pulls her towards the nearest manhole. “In here!” He shoves the three of them into the sewer before jumping down after them. “Don’t worry Marinette. I’m going to protect you.”

“I’m fine really! I can just hide down here while you protect me. I trust you.”

What Marinette does not realize is that it was pretty much the absolute worst thing she could have said if she wants to get Chat to leave her alone. His dad ~~is totally~~ might be a supervillain and he doesn’t know what to do, but he’s still a hero and Marinette trusts him and he **_will not let her trust be in vain._**

“Where’s Ladybug?” Alya asks.

“I don’t know.” Chat pulls out his baton and stares at it. “I’ve been trying to call her but she’s not picking up.”

“You really need a way to contact her outside of uniform,” Nino says, peering around the next corner for any more ninjas.

“That’s what I’m _trying.”_

“Really!? You have Ladybug’s real phone number!?!”

“Alya! Chill!”

Chat dials Marinette’s burner phone again. Inside her purse Tikki has been forced to swallow Marinette’s burner phone to keep the constant vibrating from being heard. The magic means Ladybug will be able fish the phone out of her yoyo void later but for now it means Tikki is miserable and vibrating every time Chat calls.

Chat’s advanced hearing just barely makes out a distant splash followed by sharp words in a language he doesn’t understand. “We’ve got to go.” As they go he pulls a cheap-looking phone out of one of his pockets and shoves it at Nino. “Here. There are two contacts in that. The first is Ladybug’s yoyo communicator and the second is her burner phone. Keep calling until she picks up.”

* * *

Chat pulls them out of the sewer and into a back alley. Marinette does her best to ‘trip’ and fall back into the sewer. Chat manages to save her before she can.

    Marinette: [I hate my life] “My hero.”  
Chat: “Careful. Clearly I need to keep a closer eye on you.”  
Marinette: [ _whyyyyy…_ ] “Gee. Thanks.”

And that’s when a group of ninjas find them.

The ninjas box them in, stalking forward. Adrien might not understand them but Marinette sure does when one asks “Which girl?” and another replies with “Just take both. Kill the others.”

The alley leads into a dead end. Chat pushes the others behind him and pulls out his baton. Maybe he can superextend it and airlift them out–

A dark shape drops down in front of them and throws itself at the approaching ninjas. When the blur of motion and violence finally stills there are a half-dozen bleeding ninjas lying on the ground and in the middle is a dark figure holding a bloody sword.

“Oh my god, did he kill them? Are they _dead?”_

The figure turns towards them.

“Marinette.”

Since Dick and the others had helped scrounge up a new identity pretty much from scratch for Damian one advantage that it came with is that they could incorporate the voice changer into the mask. As a result Damian currently has a full-face mask.

Because nothing says trustworthy and not at all a serial killer like all-black body armor, a blood-covered sword, a completely obscured face and what is clearly not your real voice.

Unsurprisingly, Chat immediately steps directly in front of Marinette, baton held out. “Who are you?”

“Where is Ladybug?”

_“Did you just kill them?”_

“We need to move. **_Where is Ladybug?”_**

“No one’s saying or doing anything until you tell us _who. You. **Are.”**_

It’s all very circular. It would keep going around in circles except they get cut off by the arrival of more ninjas. Said ninjas falter at the sight of the carnage, which gives Chat and the others a chance to get away.

Air Chat Noir taking off. All passengers please keep your arms and legs close at all times and hold on tight.

Damian catches up a few minutes later.

“Where is Ladybug?”

“Who are you?”

“Are you alright?”

“Don’t you talk to her!”

“Why are there ninjas after Marinette?”

And the question circle’s started rolling again.

Marinette takes the initiative to cut this off before it gets worse. Chat’s not exactly happy when she steps out from behind him but he can’t stop her.

“Did you kill them?”

“No.”

“Marinette nods. “Okay. Who are you?”

“That’s not important. We need to get you somewhere safe.” 

“I’m not going anywhere with you until we get a name.”

“…”

“Well?”

“…The Nameless Ninja.”

A snort breaks free from Nino’s mouth. He immediately slaps his hand over it.

In contrast Alya ‘have no fear, anything for the story’ Césaire gets _right_ up in his face. “Your name’s The Nameless Ninja? Really?”

And that is why it is better to participate when your siblings ask you what you want your new superhero name to be.

~^~

Damian convinces Marinette and the others to go with him.

Okay that’s a lie. Chat begrudgingly allows the scary newcomer to come along with them so long as he behaves himself and listens to Chat. And doesn’t try to get close to Marinette again. That last one’s super important. For the record Marinette is the one who got close to him. She’d really like to know who this mysterious masked man is and how her Damian knows him and trusts him enough to handle ninjas trying to kill her. She really would have figured he’d come himself giving his, at this point well documented, control-freak tendencies.

And then she remembers a very important thing she’s been forgetting.

“Oh my god no.”

Just the _entire party_ grounds to a _complete halt._ Damian tries to reach out for her. Chat immediately blocks the scary sword-shadow boy from grabbing Marinette. Alya tries to help Chat and Nino pulls Alya back because they’re currently squishy civilians and scans for ninjas because _ninjas_ and _somebody_ needs to remember that part.

Marinette notices none of this because she’s currently in the middle of her own panic spiral. “My parents!”

Chat pauses, still holding The Nameless Ninja back. “What?”

“My parents! If the ninjas are after me and they know who I am then they know who my parents are and they’ll go after my parents to get to me! What if they already have oh my gosh I need to go check on them what if they already have!”

Damian straightened. “I took care of it already.”

    ‘It’ from Damian’s perspective:

Talia and the L of A would absolutely use Marinette’s parents against her, we need to get them secured first because no way will I be thinking about it once I catch sight of Marinette. Ladybug’s halfway competent, she can look after Marinette for an extra five minutes while I do the part of her job for her I just _know_ she forgot about. So the first thing he did when he got to Paris was grab Tom and Sabine and stash them where they would be safe before any of the L of A could think to go after them.

There. Problem solved.

    ‘It’ from Tom and Sabine’s perspective:

It’s a normal day all the way up until a shadowy figure (akuma?) breaks into their kitchen wielding a sword. A _Sword._ Before they can register what’s going on said shadowy sword-boy knocks them out. When they wake up they’re in a tiny featureless, windowless room. Sword-shadow boy is there. He sets down a bag and tells them if anyone shows up don’t fight, but run and hide but if they have to be ready. And then he locks them in, leaving them only with a bag containing water bottles, energy bars and two _very large_ knives.

What. The Fuck.

    Marinette: “You **kidnapped** my parents!?!”  
The Nameless Ninja: “I protected them!”  
Marinette: _“By **kidnapping** them?!?”_  
The Nameless Ninja: “What do you want from me?!”  
Marinette: “For you to not kidnap my parents!!”  
The Nameless Ninja: “Would you rather I left them out on the street with all the ninjas!?”

Oh yeah, ninjas.

They’re still a thing.

They’re _definitely_ still a thing.

“Uh, dudes?” Nino calls. “The ninjas are back!”

The Nameless Ninja curses furiously in Arabic (and doesn’t _that_ get Marinette’s attention) while pulling his sword out. “ _Where_ is Ladybug!”

“We… don’t know.”

“What!?!” The Nameless Ninja spins on Chat Noir, advancing menacingly. “What do you mean you don’t _know!”_

“She’s not picking up her communicator!”

“And you don’t have any other way to trace her?”

“She’s not picking that up either!”

“That settles it. The League’s already found her. She’s dead.”

“ _Iamnot!_ I mean– she’s not. _She’s_ not.”

“Ladybug’s the best hero ever! There’s no way she’s dead!”

“She will be when I get ahold of her.”

_“Dudes! **Ninjas!!!”**_

~^~

In the main story, we have three heroes, all of whom have the same goal and are largely on the same page.

Again, this is not the main story.

Chat wants to hit ninjas, find Ladybug, and keep everyone in line and alive. He’s entirely on his own without any hero help and really would like it if all of his friends stopped trying to go off like they had powers too. He very much does **not** trust this sketchy shady new guy, who _really_ needs to stop grabbing for Marinette or Chat’s going to cataclysm his hand off.

Damian wants to stab the assassins, stab his mother, and keep Marinette safe. If he can’t manage all of that he’ll settle for spiriting Marinette away. Chat Noir is even more of an incompetent idiot than he’d thought. And if Ladybug ever actually shows up he’s going to _tear her a new one._

Marinette **_needs_** to sneak away and transform. She **_needs_** to. Like, you don’t understand. Everything is horrible and everything is getting exponentially worse every single second and the only way to start fixing any of it is as Ladybug. **_She needs to get away and transform._**

Alya wants to figure out what the heck’s going on. She trusts Chat Noir and she gets that Marinette and The Nameless Ninja (and _seriously?_ The Nameless Ninja?) are here but couldn’t Chat loop his fellow heroes in even a little?

Nino just wants to get everyone out alive. Alya– Alya no! We are currently squishy civilians Alya! Marinette no! You’re the one the ninjas are _after!_ Stop trying to wander off!!!

* * *

So, you know, another side effect of Marinette not getting a chance to get away and transform – it’s still daytime. If it was nighttime, most of the buildings would be closed and therefore empty, there’d be less people on the street, and there’d be more shadows to hide a fight.

Here, the whole mess has been and still is _very_ public. Which is why it’s caught the attention of the police department and major news media.

“This is Nadja Chamack, reporting to you live!”

“This is the police! Please surrender quietly!

“Where did all these ninjas come from?”

“Where’s Ladybug?”

“I thought you were going to put out a stay home order on the Ladyblog!”

“I did!”

“Then why–”

“It is really hard to get people to listen to your stay home order when you are visibly not at home!”

Officer Roger keeps trying to get the ninjas to politely listen to him and stop attacking everything because that’s against the rules. You would really think he’d have learned by now, having had so much experience with akumas but you’ve gotta respect his endurance. Someone has to. The ninjas sure don’t.

Marinette tries to lunge forward to help only to get held back by Nino. “We need to help them!”

“We need to move!” The Nameless Ninja grabs her arm only for Chat Noir to snatch his hand away. Seriously, Cataclysm it _off._

“We can’t just let them get hurt!”

“The assassins are after _you._ They aren’t interested in them. They’ll follow you if you leave.”

“You’re right!”

Damian. This was a very stupid thing to say.

    Marinette: [taking off running and yelling at the top of her damn lungs] “HEY!! I’M HERE! YOU WANT ME, I’M RIGHT HERE!!! I’M MARINETTE!!! COME AND GET ME!!”

Everyone gives chase.

It falls to Alya to smash the camera before Nadja’s cameraman can record Marinette. It makes her inner reporter weep but someone has to do it and she’s apparently currently holding the lone braincell. The ninjas A) are exclusively after Marinette B) don’t seem to know who exactly she is. So maybe let’s **not** plaster Mari’s face and name all over the breaking news broadcast.

* * *

You know what Damian’s probably done a lot of in the hour or so he’s been in Paris? Property damage. You know what Nadja’s news camera was following before the reckless blogger girl ran into them and accidently broke it? The mysterious, masked, sword-wielding figure who just brutally stabbed one of the ninjas, threw another into a car – destroying said car, is currently dripping blood onto the pavement – origin of said blood _unknown,_ and who Chat Noir does not look too happy to see.

Is this our villain?

I think it is.

(Akuma?)

I think this is a villain.

I think we’ve got a villain-on-villain fight.

Because shadowy-sword boy is definitely a villain.

After all, he’s no one recognizable.

And our recognizable hero who we trust doesn’t seem to like him.

Well, our camera’s broken so we can’t get any more footage but we’ve still got our story.

Mysterious sword-wielding villain and army of evil ninjas.

Back in Gotham the entire family are all glued to the monitors where they’ve been piled into the Marinette/Paris stalking corner since Damian left. So they _ALL_ get to see when the Paris news reports on the new unknown nameless shadowy villain who’s attacking the streets.

I really hope Damian wasn’t planning on getting through this without getting teased by his siblings.

* * *

Marinette cannot get away and hide long enough to transform. She only needs like ten seconds this shouldn’t be that hard!

There is only one solution here.

Marinette has to let Chat know that she’s Ladybug. He’ll be able to help her get away.

She just has to reveal her biggest, closest-held secret. To the partner she’s been fighting with. And who’s only just started accepting that his father’s Hawkmoth and really doesn’t need to be thrown for another loop. While in the middle of a ninja attack.

…

~Yay~

Okay. _Focus._ Push all of that aside. Push it down, ignore it. You’re Ladybug and you have a job to do.

_You are Ladybug. Now **act like it.**_

She needs to inform Chat of who she is without letting the others know.

Especially the weird scary soldier Damian had sent. (He’s dangerous. ~~He’s killed people.~~ )

Solution. Relay information only Ladybug knows.

…And then how is she supposed to explain ‘innocent civilian Marinette’ knowing confidential details about the miraculous to the others.

Solution 2.0. Relay a _conversation_ only Ladybug knows.

Marinette starts humming the kitty on a roof song her chaton sometimes sings to himself.

Chat starts freaking out.

Maybe Marinette shouldn’t have picked the song Adrien’s mother used to sing to him. Or picked the song that includes the line _‘Oh kitty all alone without his lady’._

I’m not saying it’s the dumbest thing she could have done but it’s definitely not the smartest.

Chat doubles down on his guilt about Hawkmoth, his paranoia that Marinette apparently might know his real identity and his determination to protect her. **_No matter what._**

Damian is making an executive decision. Chat Noir has officially lost whatever little sense he had. He’s taking Marinette and bolting.

The Nameless Ninja kidnaps Marinette. Chat gives chase. Alya and Nino refuse to be left behind.

    Alya: “We’re coming with you!”  
Chat: “ No you’re not! Find somewhere safe and hide!”  
Nino: “No way dude! Ladybug’s still missing, you need help!”  
Chat: “You’re civilians!” [please don’t put my other friends in danger too]  
Alya: “No we’re not. [stares at him. Come on Chat, not the time to play dumb]  
Chat: “Yes you are!”  
Nino: [inches closer and furtively glances around] “Carapace? Rena Rouge?”  
Chat: _“WHAT!!?!?!”_

Let’s add some more problems.

Marinette is not exactly what you’d call a willing rescuee.

At least the ninjas have pulled back some.

Wait.

Why have the ninjas pulled back?

    Marinette: “Why do I have a feeling that’s not a good thing?”  
Damian: “Because it’s not.”  
___: “Has your training really fallen so far that you cannot even handle a young girl?”  
Damian: “It’s a very bad thing.”  
Talia: “Hello son.”

~Guess who _else_ got to Paris early in this version.~

bonus points! Guess what’s the _one_ exchange Nadja managed to capture on her cell phone camera before Alya ‘accidentally’ trips into her again and breaks it?

Over in Gotham the rest of the Batfam clock that Talia has arrived and pretty much unanimously decide they need to get over to Paris and help. If Damian can go under a fake new identity so can they. They get halfway across the cave before Superman has suddenly shown up, floating in front of the teleportation panel.

“Bruce.” Superman folds his arms, putting on his best ‘Superman is disappointed in you and would like an explanation’ face. “Would you like to start with why the League of Assassins are in Paris or why Damian is.”

“I’m not a mind reader. I can’t predict Talia’s actions, only respond to them.”

“And sending Damian in to wreak havoc is you responding to it.”

Batman stares impassively back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 _“That,”_ he says, pointing at the screen that’s showing The Nameless Ninja facing Talia on a loop.

“That’s not Damian.”

“Yeah!” Dick calls. “That’s The Nameless Ninja!”

“I still say we should have gone with The Deadly Demon,” Jason says.

Steph kicks the back of his seat. “That might have been a little… murderous sounding. The _Devious_ Demon.”

“That’s somehow even worse,” Tim says from where he’s halfway buried in the box of discarded old uniform pieces. He chucks a bright purple domino mask at Steph who catches it and puts it on.

“The Dedicated Demon?”

“That could’ve worked.”

Clark stares at Bruce. “Is this really what you’re going with?”

Cass taps one of the screens displaying Marinette. “That’s our sister.”

“I’m taking the teleportation parts back.”

* * *

So. Damian apparently has ties to _both_ sides of a scary interfamily ninja war. Good to know.

…

 _Why_ does Damian have ties to both sides of a scary interfamily ninja war?

_~~He’s killed people~~ _

Nope. No, not doing it. She needs her emotional support kitty.

As soon as their merry band has regrouped, hiding in the gallery of a nearby church she leapfrogs _right_ over interrogating The Nameless Ninja (she’s been doing that the entire chase over to the church) and launches straight into smacking Chat with a clue stick.

    Marinette: “I ranted to you about it when my soulmate kept using burner phones.”  
Alya: “Chat Noir knows you have a soulmate?”  
The Nameless Ninja: “Why would he be unaware she has a soulmate?”  
Chat: “You have a soulmate?”  
Marinette: “And then you suggested burner phones and I didn’t like the idea and you kept at it and Plagg got really annoyed at us.”  
Nino: “Who’s Plagg?”

And that’s when the light finally goes on in Adrien’s head. Adrien trips and falls right off the balcony.

    Chat: _“WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT?!!!?! WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP **TELLING** ME THINGS!!!!”_  
Nino: “uh, dude–”  
Chat: _“EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP **TELLING** ME THINGS!!! MY FATHER’S **HAWKMOTH** IT’S NOT SAFE!!!!!!”_  
The Nameless Ninja: “Your father is **who?** ”  
Marinette: [buries her face in her hands and regrets everything]

Don’t worry Mari, Talia’s about to catch up with you in

3…

2…

1…

Crash!

What follows next is what can only be described as a city-wide free-for-all cross between keep away and hot potato with Marinette as the ball. Adrien refuses to let Marinette stay with the apparent _Son_ of the leader of the ninjas. Damian refuses to let Marinette stay with the apparent _Son_ of Hawkmoth. Marinette is still trying to find the requisite ten seconds of complete seclusion with which to transform. Chat’s still reeling from realizing _Marinette_ is _Ladybug_ so he’s not exactly a help yet. But at least he won’t freak out and stop her if she succeeds in disappearing. Balancing that burst of good luck out are Nino and Alya who have decided both Chat and The Nameless Ninja have officially lost it and they need to stick even closer to Marinette.

At least everyone is in agreement that no matter what Talia shouldn’t get to her.

It’s during this ~~horrible~~ lovely part of the day that the others learn some second-hand information about their erstwhile ally through the very… charged exchanges between him and his mother. Information like the fact that she apparently killed him at some point. Oh yeah, and the fact that he’s apparently died and come back.

Alya has questions. Alya has so many questions.

Damian isn’t going to stab Marinette’s best friend, no matter how annoying she gets. That would be traumatizing… But knocking her unconscious and stashing her somewhere _far away_ is looking more and more tempting with every second.

After almost a solid hour of this, Damian slips up. Talia draws Damian further and further away from Marinette cut off from her by a small army of ninjas. Chat Noir is just straight up picked up and flung away like a ragdoll. And lookie here, Talia’s got a straight shot to Marinette and her little civilian friends. She’s got more fire than Talia had expected. Maybe she’ll take her rather than killing her. After all her own beloved is strong enough not to be a fatal weakness. Perhaps her son’s beloved could be the same. After a bit of… instruction.

What she doesn’t expect is for Marinette’s boys to actually manage to work together.

Damian throws himself back and the ninjas follow. At the same time Chat cataclysms the Eiffel Tower, which crashes directly into the new path of The Nameless Ninja’s opponents. Marinette takes advantage of the momentary distraction of the hellish death screech of metal to grab Nino and Alya and run _directly at the collapsing tower._ Talia follows them. Chat grabs them and gets ready to airlift them out when Talia catches up, swinging her sword. Damian dives between them, blocking the strike using the momentum to push her directly into the path of the tower.

Right before the tower collapses Talia throws a blade at Damian. It hits his mask, sending it flying.

There is a second domino mask on underneath it.

    Chat: “Did you really have another mask on underneath your first mask? Is that a thing that really just happened?”  
Damian: “It’s a family trait.”  
Nino: “…I’m not even going to ask.”  
Alya: “I am.”

Marinette does not care about the second mask. She couldn’t care less about the second mask. She is more focused on the fact that his voice changer is gone and she **_recognizes that voice now._**

Marinette marches straight up to Damian.

Damian. _Her_ Damian. Who is dangerous and secretive ~~(he’s killed people)~~ and has been running around Paris with a mask and a _sword_ and whose mother wants to kill her and whose mother **_has killed him he’s died WHEN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!_**

Fuck emotional repression.

She needs answers.

Now.

It takes Damian all of two seconds to realize Marinette’s figured it out.

He’s not exactly sure why but he suddenly has a very strong urge to run and hide.

“You died.”

“Um…” That was not where he expected his angel to start.

“You _died.”_

“My– Princess.” Chat Noir inches up on where Marinette is glaring at The Nameless Ninja. “Maybe we should take advantage of the lull to get you away. Somewhere away from prying eyes–”

Without ever looking away from Damian, Marinette holds her hand up. “Not now Chat.” Marinette continues to advance on Damian. Damian backs up. Marinette follows after. “You **_died._** How did you die?”

“That’s not really im–”

“ ** _Yes it is._** How. Did you die.”

“I got stabbed in the chest and bled to death.” Damian’s brain has officially switched offline for self-preservation reasons. 

_“Your mother stabbed you in the chest?!”_

“No.”

“Then why did you say she killed you!”

“She created the thing that killed me.”

“Dude,” Nino says. “Then what killed you?”

“An unstable clone of me gone wrong she created when I stopped following my mother and grandfather’s teachings.”

“I– what?” Alya says, blinking rapidly. 

“I feel better about my evil parent problems now.”

Marinette is still staring at him. “Your mother cloned you.”

“Yes. But it failed.”

“She **cloned** you. And your clone _stabbed you. In the chest.”_

“…Yes?”

“And then you **_bled to death.”_**

“…Technically?”

_“THEN HOW ARE YOU HERE NOW!?”_

“We’re not exactly sure…”

**_“HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!!??!?!”_ **

“Metaphysics may have been involved. My father does not allow a great deal of things to remain uninvestigated. The spontaneous resurrection of his son is one of them, especially when doing so ran the potential risk of undoing it.”

Marinette takes a large step back. “We’re going to stop this line of questioning.”

“It’s been years. Nothing would probably happen.”

“ _Probably_ is not encouraging Damian.”

Chat comes up beside Marinette. “La– Marinette.” He places a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Who is Damian?”

Marinette startles. She blinks, shaking her head rapidly. She’d kind of forgotten the others were there. She glances over at Damian. Then back at the others.

“Chat Noir, meet my soulmate.”

“Your _soulmate?!”_

Nino pushes himself forward, practically tripping in his haste. _“This_ is your mystery soulmate?” he yelps, waving wildly at Damian.

“Mystery soulmate?”

“Well what was I supposed to say Damian? You made it pretty clear you didn’t want me talking about you! You didn’t even give me a name until we were eleven! And that was after you **_died!!”_**

BOOM!!!

“MuahAHAaHahA!!!”

Everyone’s attention snaps over to the distant wreckage of the Eiffel Tower. Damian steps forward. “That is my mother.”

Chat joins him. “Uhh… how worried should we be?”

“I have never heard her laugh maniacally before. It is not something she does.”

Marinette steps up next to them. “That’s an akuma.”

“That worried. Good to know.”

While our heroes were busy having a collective freak out Talia’s found herself a butterfly and grabbed it.

…

~Yaay~

    Nino: “That is really not good.”  
Alya: “And we still have no idea where Ladybug is.”  
Chat: “I should tell you they told me they’re Carapace and Rena Rouge.”  
Damian: “They’re _What!?”_  
Marinette: “Oh good. Alya, Nino, there’s a sewer grate that opens directly behind the loading door of the bakery kitchen. [pulls out a key and hands it to Alya] I didn’t get a chance to put both of yours back with the others so they’re in my diary box. Tikki, spots on.”

* * *

Ladybug has _FINALLY_ entered the fray!

Ladybug, Chat Noir and Damian go up against akuma!Talia. It’s not going well.

At least most people will listen to _Ladybug_ when she tells them to get off the street. (And you can bet she’s going to be issuing a very strong public statement about listening to her partner when he tells them to do something.) That still leaves Chat protecting the stragglers from the remaining ninjas. You can tell it’s become a true supercity by the fact that there’ve been ninjas attacking the city for literally hours now and people still can’t be bothered to interrupt their day.

Ladybug hangs back looking for a weak spot, holding her lucky charm. It’s really hard to focus though when Damian’s literally throwing himself between her and any hit that gets anywhere near her. Including hits that she’s already dodged!

“Da– Ninja! Stop diving in front of me! My suit is indestructible! Yours is not!”

“I’m not taking the chance!” A hail of shadow knives comes flying at them and Damian spins so he’s blocking Ladybug’s body. He braces for impact. The swords never hit, smashing against Ladybug’s shield.

“I shouldn’t have told you my identity.”

“You shouldn’t be out here at all.”

“She’s an akuma. That literally makes it my job!”

“ _She_ wants to kill you.”

“She actually _has_ killed you!”

~^~

The fight quickly migrates over to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. 

Ladybug’s transformation times down just as Carapace and Rena Rouge join in.

_needaplanneedaplanneedaplan._

!

Before she can enter the fight Rena finds herself getting yanked back. “I have a plan,” Marinette says. “But it’s going to need your help.” There’s a red and black kwami floating next to her with a cookie. Oh god she didn’t hallucinate it. Marinette really is Ladybug.

Chat times out. Carapace is put on ~~ninja~~ giant dome duty. Damian is on his own fighting his mother.

“Hey!”

And suddenly there’s Marinette. _Civilian_ Marinette.

Wielding a metal pipe.

Before Damian can completely freak out Ladybug appears on a nearby rooftop.

Congratulations! We’ve reached the ONE! SINGLE! ONLY! ADVANTAGE! OF THIS **WHOLE** AU!!

Civilian Marinette gets into a fight with Talia.

In the main story akuma!Talia wants to kill Marinette.

Here, even akumatized she’s decided to take Marinette and shape her into an acceptable soulmate for Damian.

    Carapace: “That’s a good thing, right?”  
Damian: “No. It’s worse.”

Ladybug disappears from her perch, mainly because this fight is now going to need entirely different choreography for illusion!Marinette now. They get the fight back on track. Marinette backs herself into the exact corner Ladybug wants her in. Marinette trips. Talia grabs her. Marinette poofs out of existence. Talia takes a confused step back. The Rube Goldberg-like trap Ladybug set up with her lucky charm triggers, executing itself perfectly against the spot seven centimeters to Talia’s left.

    Carapace: “What happened?”  
Rena: “I let Marinette disintegrate two seconds too early and the trap failed.”

…

Well.

That’s a problem.

Talia changes tacks. She is trapped in this giant dome but so are Paris’s heroes. Time to take advantage of that by killing them all. She can fish her son’s soulmate out of whatever hole they hid her in after.

Carapace has never dropped his shield so fast in his life.

~^~

Talia is not blind. Damian is very attentive of Ladybug’s safety. And her movements in general. Marinette’s glamour is not weak. Talia’s not going to be able to see through it.

The result is that Talia thinks her son has split affection for both girls.

Ladybug is already a talented and ruthless tactician, if a bit rough. Nothing that couldn’t be solved with a bit of… instruction.

Once they’re properly trained a fight to the death would be a perfect way to decide which is more worthy of her son.

…

~Yaaay~

Right. There is no saving this. Time to drop a deus ex machina. The appearance of akuma!Talia was the final straw for Bruce to win the teleportation standoff with Clark. The rest of the Batfam have made it Paris. Well, not exactly the Batfamily; they’re all in different uniforms than their normal ones. Known foreign heroes aren’t allowed in France after all.

With the rest of the ~~Batfam~~ Shadow Squad? sure let’s go with that. With the help of the rest of the Shadow Squad they break akuma!Talia’s sword, releasing the akuma and allowing Ladybug to purify it. Bruce drags Talia aside to have a… conversation. Said conversation will probably not be pretty. The rest of the family, save for Damian, spread out to sweep out any remaining League of Assassins members.

Now that the ninjas have finally disappeared people start trickling back outside. Leading the charge is Nadja who’s gone back to the studio and gotten a new camera. Our heroes all look at each other. How are they going to explain Damian exactly?

Before Nadja can fully arrive Chat yanks Rena back. “I have plan. But it’s going to need your help.”

“Because that worked out so well last time.”

“Come on Rena. You’re a hero. I trust you. If…” Chat falters. “If you’re willing to trust me after learning my father might– that he might be–”

“I’m going to stop you right there Chat Noir.” Alya holds up a hand, cutting him off. “I might be a hero but you and Ladybug are _the_ heroes. Who your dad might or might not be doesn’t change that. Where you lead, I’ll follow, every time. Now, what’s the plan?”

~^~

“This is Nadja Chamack, reporting to you once again. The mysterious army of ninjas appears to have vanished. However, the shadowy fighter who–” Nadja cuts herself off as Chat Noir strides into frame, loudly declaring “Thank you The Nameless Ninja. We never could have defeated the ninja army of darkness without your help.” He holds out his left hand to Damian for him to shake. “So thank you, once again. One hero to another.” After a long moment Damian accepts it. With his other hand Chat Noir plucks the knife sitting most prominently on Damian’s hip and cataclysms it. A purple butterfly flies out of the ashes.

Ladybug immediately catches on and throws her yoyo into the air, catching the non-existent akuma. A purple light bubbles up around The Nameless Ninja, leaving behind a black-haired, brown-eyed boy roughly the same build as Damian who Carapace immediately hustles away.

Chat turns to the camera, giving it his best crowd-placating, model grin. “Just another akuma.” Still grinning he starts sidestepping away from where Carapace led Damian, making the camera move to follow him. “He wanted to be a hero himself. And of course any good hero needs an enemy to fight, which is where the ninjas came in. But it’s taken care of now so let’s give the boy his privacy, shall we?”

“And Ladybug’s prolonged disappearance from the fight?”

Ladybug joins Chat in front of the camera, pasting on her best firm and in charge smile. “I’m afraid that’s confidential hero business. You understand.”

“But–” Chat’s ring starts beeping.

“Oh and I’m afraid that’s all the time we’ve got today.” Chat throws out a wink and a salute, already extending his baton. “Catch you next time!”

From their hiding place on a neighboring rooftop the now un-illusioned Damian stares. “Tell me they’re not really going to believe that.”

Nino shrugs. “Most people will, sure. It’s Ladybug and Chat Noir. Paris trusts them.”

“I take it people wouldn’t believe it where you’re from?” Alya asks.

“No. They’d swear to any outsider that it was the truth but they’d know it was a lie they’re letting slide and we’d know they knew the truth about it not being the truth.”

Alya stares at him. “…Right.”

(‘Where you’re from’ to Damian: Gotham. ‘Where you’re from’ to Alya: whatever pocket shadow-dimension holds a whole ninja society, Talia, and the rest of Damian’s scary family who just materialized out of nowhere and where you can apparently die and spontaneously pop back to life. Damian’s answer does not help with that assumption.)

Ladybug and Chat Noir join them on the roof.

Everyone stares at each other.

“I think,” Chat says slowly, “we all need to have a conversation or twenty.”

Ladybug takes a deep breath. “I think you’re right. First things first though.” She walks over to Damian. “Where did you put my parents?”


	10. Macaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ra's al Ghul is dead, his grandson's new agenda is unclear (although there's theories abound) and the Batfam end up with a soap opera in their sitting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another new au to mess around with! And as a bonus it’s our first adult Marinette/Damian chapter! Also I know this is _technically_ a daminette series but this is where I take advantage of the fluidness of an all-au work to mess around with shipping
> 
> Once again, a round of applause for our beta blueisasome. Thanks to them this chapter is way less confusing than it could have been.

It was two months after Ra’s al Ghul’s death that Damian contacted them, requesting to meet.

Damian al Ghul had been his grandfather’s most valuable soldier, surpassing even his mother in both skill and ruthlessness. In the months preceding Ra’s’ death Damian had begun branching out on his own, making moves to set himself up as an independent player. He had been the one to deliver the final blow that finally killed Ra’s beyond what the man could come back from, even with the Lazarus pits.

And then rather than seize the power Ra’s had left behind Damian had taken the last of Ra’s organization out. And then turned around and began dismantling his own operation.

Or at least he appeared to anyway.

Bruce was going to withhold judgement until he had some concrete evidence to back up this supposed transformation.

There were many things Bruce regretted when it came to Damian. That he hadn’t met him sooner, that he hadn’t been able to get him to turn away from a life of bloodshed, that he’d been too late to prevent his son from becoming a monster. Those and so many other regrets. But there was nothing to be done now. All he could do now was accept this request and try to work out some sort of armistice between his family and his would-have-been son.

Bruce wasn’t holding out much hope.

* * *

Damian’s request had been for a meeting with the entire family, in civilian identities, at a private residence. In Paris. That was not happening. He was not about to lead his family into a potential ambush at an unknown, unsecured location. Paris should be safe or at the very least neutral ground given that it was the home city of an established superhero pair. But it was true, the Paris heroes could not be trusted when it came to matters involving Damian. Chat Noir especially. If Damian wanted a meeting it would be at Wayne Manor, where they could control the terrain.

After careful consideration Bruce decided he would inform the others of the meeting. They could decide on their own whether or not they wanted to be present for it but he was confident they would all choose to attend. All of his children had their own reasons for wanting to take their own measure of Damian’s intentions.

* * *

Steph spun in her chair. “Update for anyone who’s curious.”

“By which she means has money on the line,” Jason said.

“Oh please, you have money on it too. _Update,_ Adrien Agreste sent an email to a lawyer who specializes in drafting mutual consent divorces. Marinette sent a second email less than an hour later saying it was a misunderstanding and they’re sorry for the inconvenience but they would not be needing his services.”

Dick leaned over her chair to peer at the monitor. “Please tell me Adrien’s next email wasn’t to a lawyer who specializes in contested divorces.”

“Not yet.”

Bruce swept forward and closed the display window. “Stop speculating on idle gossip. We have real work to do. The meeting with Damian is in two days and we need to be prepared.”

Steph folded her arms, glaring back. “It’s not idle gossip. The very first thing Chat Noir did when Damian finally offed Ra’s for good was tell Ladybug he was getting a divorce. Very. First. Thing.”

“Look, I get it,” Tim said. “Live your best life, no point in being unhappy when you don’t have to be, but that’s not even subtle.”

“Well Ladybug didn’t exactly seem torn up about the idea,” Jason said.

Tim leaned forward. “Then why would she cancel the appointment with the divorce lawyer?”

“Probably because of Macaire,” Steph said, opening a new window.

**_“Focus.”_ **

Far further down the list of regrets but still present, that Damian had been raised to be the kind of man who thought nothing of being a homewrecker.

* * *

As expected the morning of the meeting saw everyone gathered around the breakfast table. As also expected they were all gossiping.

Better they do it now and get it out of their systems.

“I’m just saying,” Steph said. “You remember the mess when the League of Ancients made that play for the miraculous? _How_ quickly did Damian appear again?”

“Forget that,” Jason said, snagging a piece of toast from Dick’s plate easily evading the fork Dick tried to jab his hand with. “How about after he came out publicly as B’s secret long-lost lovechild?”

Tim’s head dropped onto the table. “I do. _‘I was actually hoping to have a private conversation with you this evening.’”_

Steph grinned. _“‘I know how pressing the public eye can be. My hotel room is very secluded if you want to come by and talk there.’”_

_“‘No windows.’”_

“Oh god I’d forgotten that part.”

“I hadn’t. I think it’s seared into my brain.”

“But that was _years_ ago,” Dick pointed out. “If it’s really been going on that long why get married?”

“Macaire,” everyone else in the kitchen chorused.

Dick shook his head. “No way. Adrien’s parents were the definition of dysfunctional. His father literally became a supervillain as part of it. And Marinette came from a very close, loving family. Neither of them would let their child grow up in a toxic home, let alone make one.”

“Let’s think this through.” Barbara said, wheeling around the table to get to the orange wedges. “You’re a new hero, fresh on the international scene. You’re young, pretty, superpowered and running wild for pretty much the first time ever. You meet Damian al Ghul who’s scary and dangerous but clearly unrestrained destructive power is already kind of a _thing_ for you and also, well, let’s face it, Damian definitely inherited Bruce’s looks. And a blind man would do a double take for another pass at all that.”

Bruce froze. He slowly put down the cup of coffee he’d just poured himself. “…Thank …you?”

“Relax Bruce, your virtue’s safe with me. So, anyway, you meet Damian and sparks fly and you make the very ill-advised decision of getting involved with him. Not a real relationship but more like Bruce and…” Barbara stopped for a minute and thought about it before shrugging. “Pretty much anyone really. This goes on for a while then one day bam! Surprise pregnancy. Suddenly there’s going to be a kid in the mix, a child, depending on you to love them and care for them and protect them. You’re determined to do right by them and obviously Damian al Ghul should never be anywhere near children so you break things off.”

Cass frowned from her place perched on the counter. “I’d trust Damian around children.”

“Uh Cass,” Jason said, “no offense but you think Bruce is a good example of parenting.”

“Ouch.”

“It’s true.”

“I know, but still, ouch.”

Cass frowned harder. “Damian makes a point not to have children get hurt. And he’s very protective over those he cares about.”

“Case in point the one man war he waged against Gamemnae,” Jason threw in.

“Okay so maybe he doesn’t target children” Steph said, stabbing at her pancake. “But that still doesn’t mean I’d want him alone within a hundred feet of mine.”

“A hot and heavy romantic whatever doesn’t mean he cares about Adrien’s kid,” Jason said.

“He’d care. He’d care because Macaire’s important,” Cass muttered, folding her arms and pouting.

“Twenty bucks says when it comes to the kid Damian’s somewhere between apathetic and put upon but trying to hide it to play nice.”

“Fifty.”

“Deal. Easy money.”

“Yes it is.”

“Right,” Barbara said. “Getting back on track. Obviously there had to have been something going on before in order to have a surprise pregnancy so you both decide to get married and make an honest go of it.”

“Black. Mask,” Tim said, still not lifting his head from the table.

“Oh yeah. A moment of weakness years later doesn’t negate my theory.”

Steph pointed a forkful of pancake at Barbara. “Black Mask wasn’t an easy fight but it wasn’t exactly the sort of death-defying apocalyptic disaster you’d expect to trigger ‘oh thank god we’re both alive’ bad life decisions. Hell, did either of them even get more than bruised during that fight?”

“I think Ladybug and Chat Noir were fighting right before that. I coordinate comms and usually they’re banter and Chat’s endless puns but they were off for like a week before that.”

“I’d forgotten about that. They were super awkward around each other. Ladybug could barely meet Chat Noir’s eyes and any time he tried to talk about anything that wasn’t strictly hero business she cut him off.”

“Okay, their honest go of it wasn’t going so well. And with Damian right there…”

“Either that or it wasn’t just _one_ moment of weakness and Black Mask fell in the middle of it instead of the beginning.”

“What, and the affair’s just continued right on through since then?”

“Sure. The marriage is functionally over but you stay together, maybe even try to patch things up because all three of you know a real life with Damian’s never going to happen while he’s still under his grandfather’s thumb.”

“Then suddenly Ra’s is dead and the whole house of cards comes tumbling.”

Without looking Tim snagged the nearest coffee and drained it. “I am already not looking forward to the hellscape of a custody battle that’s coming.”

Before any wilder theories can start up the doorbell rang. Nine am. Exactly on time.

Dick was already on his feet. “I’ll–”

 ** _“I’ll_** get it,” Bruce said. “Everyone else go to the sitting room.”

Damian was standing on the first step, unarmed – _visibly_ anyway – and in civilian clothes as promised.

He was also holding a toddler.

Macaire Dupain-Cheng sat giggling in Damian’s arms. Behind them on either side were his parents, clearly half-way through an argument.

“–not getting a divorce Adrien.”

“It’s the smarter op– oh, hey.” Adrien Agreste raised his hand and gave a small half-wave. Next to him Marinette straightened in a way that suggested she would be fidgeting if a decade of being a superhero in the public eye hadn’t drilled self-possession into her very bones.

It seemed more and more likely that his children’s ridiculous theories had a grain of truth in them.

There were some days that Bruce hated everything.

Damian stepped forward. “Hello Father.”

That wasn’t a title he’d ever held when it came to Damian. It sat uncomfortably on his shoulders in a way it never did on the rare occasions any of his adopted children chose to use it.

“Damian.”

“May we come in?”

Bruce opened the door wider but didn’t step back yet to give them access. “Your request for a meeting didn’t say anything about your… companions.”

“Yeah sorry about that,” Adrien said, scrubbing his hand through his hair. “Little guy refused to be left behind.”

“No,” Macaire said, clinging tighter to Damian’s shoulders. In response Damian shifted his grip so he was holding the boy closer. He stared impassively at Bruce over Macaire’s head and didn’t say anything. Neither did Adrien or Marinette.

So. Apparently it was going to remain pointedly unexplained that Damian’s request hadn’t mentioned he would be accompanied at all. Let alone by his lover and their rapidly disintegrating family.

At least the presence of a young child would help ensure the meeting remained civil.

…Jason owed Cass fifty dollars.

* * *

Everyone turned to look when they entered the room.

Tim cocked an eyebrow at Macaire. “Is this a hostage situation?”

“No!” Macaire cried, clinging even closer to Damian.

“Okay then,” Dick said, coming forward and ushering them in, already slipping seamlessly into peacemaker the way he’d perfected after years of being the eldest. “Why don’t you come in and sit down. I’m sure we’re going to have a lot to talk about so we might as well get started.”

The only seat left other than Bruce’s had been the stiff, high-backed chair everyone hated that existed solely to make visitors uncomfortable. Dick, with his normal adroitness, had snagged Steph’s collar as he’d gotten up, subtly prompting her and Cass to vacate the oversized loveseat they’d claimed. It was slightly small for three full grown adults but all three of them went over towards it without even considering other options. Marinette sat down next to Damian while Adrien circled the loveseat and stood behind it, draping his arms over the back, fingers not quite brushing the back of Damian’s head. His ring caught the light, a subtle reminder that even as civilians he and his partner were never truly unarmed.

Macaire sat on Damian’s lap, sword-calloused hands still wrapped around him even now that they no longer needed to be. It was common knowledge in superhero circles that Ladybug and Chat Noir had a child together but they’d been very protective about keeping him hidden from the public eye so Bruce had never gotten a chance to see the boy before. He was only just barely three years old, clearly a naturally happy child. He’d inherited his father’s eyes and his mother’s dark hair. Actually most of his features were mirrored in Marinette, although there was a certain refined quality to them missing from both his parents’ faces that he must have gotten from his paternal grandfather. He also seemed entirely comfortable in Damian’s arms.

Tim was right, the coming custody battle was going to be nothing short of a bloodbath.

Damian stared directly at Bruce. “I requested this meeting involve everyone for the same reason I requested it be as civilians, which is that what I have to say does not pertain to Batman but instead Bruce Wayne, and by extension your family. You should be aware that this is not a discussion or a debate but rather a courtesy. As I was forced to reveal myself as your son–”

Tim let out a derisive snort. “Yeah, ‘forced’.”

Damian pointedly ignored him but Marinette glared and Adrien flexed his fingers in a way that if he had his usual claws would most definitely be a threat.

Upon a second inspection Bruce saw that Damian’s arms had in fact curled tighter around Macaire. This could become dangerous very quickly if they pushed him too far.

“Because I revealed myself as your son,” Damian said, forcibly pulling his speech back on track, “my actions will impact you and your children and we believed you deserved a forewarning so you could be suitably prepared. Macaire is my son. Marinette and I have already performed a DNA test. As soon as we have the results we plan to use them to have his birth certificate amended to reflect the truth and to grant me custody alongside Marinette and Adrien.”

This was so much worse than he originally thought.

There was a moment of complete silence.

Then it broke.

“You _slept_ with Marinette!?” Steph cried, jumping to her feet. “What the hell!”

“When did _that_ happen?!” Tim yelled.

“Um…” Adrien blinked slowly. “About three years ten months ago?”

“And you’re okay with that?!”

A tiny whimper broke through the noise. Everyone froze. Macaire hiccupped, burying his face in Damian’s shoulder. Bruce didn’t have a lot of experience with children that young but he had a sinking feeling he was about to start crying. Judging by how Alfred had immediately hurried over he was definitely about to start crying

“Hello there,” he said kneeling down. “You’ll have to forgive your aunts and uncles. I’m afraid they never quite learned manners.” Alfred’s rusty French was a shock and Bruce realized that with both his parents speaking fluent English he would have forgotten to switch to French if he’d been the one to go over. The news had shaken him more than he’d originally believed; he wasn’t thinking clearly.

Macaire uncurled slightly, staring at Alfred with watery eyes. “They’re going to make Baba go away again.”

“They most certainly are not. For starters I won’t let them.”

Macaire blinked slowly. It was so clearly a trait he’d picked up from his– from Adrien. “You can do that?” Then his eyes narrowed. “Who are you?”

Alfred paused. Around the room the others shifted, exchanging glances. Explaining Alfred’s intrinsic place within their family had always been complicated, especially since they had no idea what Damian might have told the child.

Before the silence could stretch on too long Damian leaned forward. “He’s their grandfather.”

“Oh.” Macaire nodded decisively to himself, little head bobbing. “Okay. Grandfathers have to be listened to even if you don’t want to.” Everyone immediately stiffened at the words. Macaire didn’t notice, too busy trying to work through something in his head. He must have come to a conclusion because he reached up and tugged on Damian’s sleeve. “Does that make him your grandfather too?” Damian, who’d only just forced himself to relax, went as rigid as a board. Were all three-year-olds this adept at launching emotional bombs everywhere they turned?

Alfred’s gaze flickered up to Damian for barely half a second before returning to Macaire. “Yes,” he said very firmly. “I am. And your great-grandfather.”

“I have a great-grandfather. He makes bread.”

Alfred smiled. “I’m sure it’s delicious. I’m decent enough at making bread but hardly the best at it. But I am fairly good at cookies. In fact I have some in the kitchen if you want to come help me get some for everyone.”

Chubby fingers twisted into Damian’s shirt. Bruce didn’t need to be an expert in young children to know they were skating perilously close to a breakdown.

Adrien stepped out around the loveseat, crouching down next to Alfred. “You know Baba’s not going anywhere right? Not anymore.”

Macaire glanced up at Damian. “But–”

“I’ll tell you what,” Adrien said. “You can take Plagg with you. That way if anything does happen, anything at all, I’ll call him back to me and you’ll know the very second it happens.” He reached into the inside of his jacket and pulled out the small black kwami. “Okay?”

Macaire stared at him. Slowly tiny hands unhooked from Damian’s shirt and reached out for the kwami. “Okay.”

Plagg blinked his eyes open. He flew upwards, floating a few inches above Adrien’s hand. “What are we doing?”

We’re going to go get cookies for everyone.”

“Cookies? Then take Sugarcube with you, I need cheeeessse.”

“I’m certain we could find some cheese to suit your tastes.”

In the blink of an eye Plagg had flown right up to Alfred’s face, grinning far wider than what was natural for most creatures, showing off far sharper teeth than what would have been guessed. “Then let’s get going.” Suddenly the unsettling viciousness was gone and he floated over to Macaire and landed on his shoulder. “Come on kid.”

Bruce watched the exchange closely, mentally cataloging as much as he could. The kwamis were almost as rare a sight as Macaire himself. It would seem the theory that even when separated from their wielder the kwamis were still capable of being substantial threats was correct. It would explain why they considered Plagg enough protection to let him out of their sight.

Damian stood up and set Macaire on the ground. The boy took Alfred’s offered hand and followed him out of the room. Barbara subtly passed an earpiece to Alfred as he passed so at least he knew the older man would still be spying on the whole affair even as he played distraction. He might even learn something valuable from the child.

As soon as the door closed Damian had a knife to Steph’s throat. “Say anything to distress my son like that again and I will cut out your tongue.”

It wasn’t that Bruce was surprised that Damian had a knife hidden on his person, but he had hoped they’d make it more than five minutes before the plausible deniability broke.

Adrien stepped in between the two, carefully reaching out for the knife. “Damian,” he said lowly. “This isn’t going to help.”

Marinette slipped off the loveseat, coming up beside them. “He’s right. These are Macaire’s family. Your family.”

“Cary’s fine. He’s with Plagg in the kitchen, stuffing his face with cookies. He knows you’re not going anywhere. Now how about we don’t pick a fight with the entire Batfamily.”

The knife disappeared back up Damian’s sleeve. “That is not his name.”

“Cary’s a great nickname and you know it.”

“You’re not going to win this one Damian,” Marinette said, smiling at him and nudging his shoulder with her own. “Adrien nicknames everything.” Then she turned towards Bruce and her expression turned to ice. “And Bruce. If you try to use the fact that you’re Macaire’s grandfather to take him away I will personally make you regret ever being born.”

Bruce hadn’t been considering that beyond a last resort. He was abruptly reminded that while Adrien had caused a delay in accessing his powers by sending Plagg away, Marinette had no such limitations.

Dick inched over, grabbing Steph’s shoulders and all but shoving her behind him towards the couch. “How about we all sit back down and try this again?”

Marinette tugged Damian back to the loveseat. She and Damian sat back down. Adrien chose to perch on the arm next to his partner this time.

Bruce leaned forward, placing his arms on his knees. He needed to get this meeting back under control before anything could happen. “So. Macaire is your son.”

“He is.”

“When did you realize he was yours and not Adrien’s?”

“We always knew.” Marinette met his gaze unflinchingly. “When I discovered I was pregnant we knew– We knew it wouldn’t be safe for Damian to be the father. Not publicly anyway.”

Adrien reached over and squeezed her shoulder before directing his attention over to Bruce. “If the baby had a father, one who was present and visible, it would mean less suspicion. He would be safer.”

“So you and Adrien got _fake married?”_ Tim said.

“I mean, it’s a real marriage, it’s legal. We had our birth certificates and our proof that we were living together – I mean, yes we have separate rooms and everything but the officiant didn’t need to know that – and we went down to city hall and got married. No it’s not exactly a real marriage in the biblical sense, or the romantic sense, or the commonly accepted social sense…. But we are absolutely _technically–speaking_ married. That is a thing we did. Because Damian couldn’t.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Jason said. “And I thought I was an asshole.”

“You had Adrien pretend to be Macaire’s father. You made Adrien marry Marinette and pretend to be Macaire’s father in order to provide _cover,”_ Tim said.

“It was my idea!” Adrien cried. He leaned back against the edge of the loveseat and folded his arms. “And now that Ra’s is dead we get divorced.”

“We’re not getting a divorce Adrien.”

“It makes the most sense.”

“No it does not,” Damian said. “You are simply an idiot.”

“Right.” Steph clapped her hands together. “First things first. Congratulations on the kid. He is my nephew; I will spoil him forever. Second thing, Jason’s right. You are an absolute complete and utter asshole.”

Marinette shot up from her seat. _“Excuse me?”_

“It’s true. And siding with him isn’t exactly a great look for you either.”

The expression on Marinette’s face was similar to the one she’d worn seconds before she’d hijacked an alien warship and crashed it into a second one. Adrien moved to stand beside her growling low in his throat like an actual pissed off cat. Damian’s knife reappeared. “You will not speak to Marinette like that.”

Dick covered his face in his hand. “Well there goes any hope for a peaceful meeting.”

“Like it was going well before this,” Barbara scoffed.

“Are you seriously going for moral high ground here?” Tim asked. “First you get involved with Adrien, knowing how dangerous that was with your grandfather and profession and just general life choices. Then you have an affair with Marinette, who is _his **partner**_ and get her **_pregnant._** And then you convince **your** lover to pretend the baby’s his and _marry her._ And I don’t care if Adrien thinks it was his idea if anything that’s even worse. And then you _keep_ messing around with him even though he’s _married_ now – to protect **your** kid by the way. And now that your grandfather’s dead you want Macaire but you don’t care at all about him. You don’t think he and Marinette should have a **_real_** marriage or you wouldn’t still be sleeping with him but you clearly don’t want to **_actually_** be with him. Just– What the fuck!?”

“I– What?”

Dick had moved on to completely burying his face with both hands. Bruce was sorely tempted to join him.

Adrien had stopped growling. He blinked slowly, looking intensely confused. “Just– I– _What??”_

Marinette put a hand on his shoulder, stepping out in front. “Do you–” she started. “Do you think Damian’s been sleeping with _Adrien?”_

Steph threw her arms into the air. “Of course we do!”

**_“Oh Shit.”_ **

Everyone turned to look at Cass. Cass was staring at Damian with wide eyes. “Oh Shit Oh _Shit._ We got it **_backwards.”_**

“What?”

“We got it backwards. Damian was never involved with Adrien. It was always Marinette.”

“No! No way! They’ve been shamelessly flirting for years! He’s literally publicly invited Damian back to his ‘very secluded’, ‘no windows’ hotel room!”

“Yes!” Adrien broke in. “Yes I did. And guess who was waiting at said hotel room.” He flung out his arms towards Marinette like a magician’s assistant. “It’s easier for a rich-kid former model who grew up in the spotlight to reach out to the newly discovered Wayne kid with less questions.”

“He was a smokescreen!” Cass looked positively giddy now that she’d unraveled the truth.

“We both knew exactly how much we were playing with fire seeing each other. Adrien helped keep us as safe as he could.”

“Mari if I can help keep safe you know I’m always going to.”

“Then what the hell was Black Mask?” Tim demanded. “I caught you in the hallway pinning Damian up against the wall with your tongue down his throat. Was that just a smoke screen too? I’m still emotionally scarred from that.”

“Pinning Damian up against a wall with your tongue down his throat,” Marinette repeated slowly. She turned toward the two men. Bruce had a brief flash of realization that they had only just gotten everything back on track and now it was about to fall apart all over again. “Clearly neither of your accounts did the encounter justice.” He couldn’t even guess which man she was going to go after first. Either way it was a very good thing Macaire was safely out of the way in the kitchen. “I think this is going to require a more detailed description. Maybe a reenactment.”

…

Bruce had officially lost track of what was going on.

 _“What is happening right now?”_ Steph hissed at Jason.

“Fuck all if I know.”

“So,” Barbara said, wheeling forward. “Just for clarification. The two of you” – she pointed first at Adrien then at Damian – “ _are_ sleeping together now. I mean, clearly Marinette knows about it – more power to you girl – but that is what’s going on here, right?”

Adrien glanced over at Damian. “Not… exactly.”

“We are not.”

“Yet.”

“Agreste, I take it back. Divorce Marinette and leave us in peace.” Marinette stifled a giggle behind her hand.

“It’s pooossssiiible…” Adrien said, drawing out the word as he fidgeted with his wedding ring, “that a week or so before that whole mess with Black Mask Marinette and I _miiight_ have had a bit too much to drink. And woke up in bed together. Naked. Maybe.”

Marinette’s face went bright red and she buried it in her hands. “There was definitely no ‘maybe’ about it Adrien. I didn’t find my bra until two days later and it was in the hanging plant in the kitchen.”

“So anyway,” Adrien said loudly, face bright red. “By the time of the Black Mask fight Marinette was still processing and Damian was trying to step back from their relationship because he’s Damian al Ghul, lord of unnecessary suffering and all good things in his life must inevitably be taken away or ruined so he’d been secretly waiting for something like this to happen from the get go. And since no one else was doing anything to fix things I might have taken matters into my own hands.”

“You ambushed a known assassin in a darkened hallway. You’re lucky I didn’t murder you on reflex alone.”

“Please. There are two and a half people who can sneak up on you without worrying about getting attacked and I’m one of them.”

“Two and a half?” Barbara asked.

Adrien shrugged. “Cary’s not good enough at sneaking quite yet to fully count.”

“We’re figuring things out,” Marinette said. “The three of us. But in the meantime we’re focusing on getting Damian recognized as Macaire’s father.”

“And then, divorce,” Adrien declared with what Bruce was starting to recognize as a forced cheer smile.

“Adrien… It’s simpler to remain married. We use the DNA test to get Damian his parental rights, we use our marriage to keep yours. Divorcing would only add to the legal mess we already have to deal with.”

“Yeah but– You and Damian have been waiting–”

“And if this was the first month, or even before Black Mask I would agree with you. But things have changed since then. Besides, it’s not like us being married has affected my and Damian’s relationship before.”

“He literally tried to break up with you.”

“That was because we slept together, not because we were married.”

“But don’t you want to marry Damian?”

“Do you not want to stay married?”

“It’s not that, it’s just–”

“Do you not consider Macaire your son anymore?”

“Of course he’s my son.”

“Do you suddenly not love me or not want to give things a try with Damian?”

“That,” Adrien said, pointing at her, “is fighting dirty.” He looked over at Cass who was beaming from her place on the side table. “She fights dirty.”

“Good for her.”

“Right so this is a courtesy meeting to let you know your secretive long-lost son to enter the public view with his own much less long-lost son and move in with his son’s mother and her husband so be ready for the PR fallout.”

Dick pushed himself to his feet. “You know, when you asked for a meeting, I wasn’t sure what it would be about, but this was certainly not it.” He held out his hand. “If the three of you ever need someone to look after Cary so you can have a date night I’m more than happy to use the excuse to get to know my nephew.”

Damian slowly took it. “So long as you understand that if you try to put him in a Robin suit I will eviscerate you.”

“How do you feel about normal gymnastics?”

The sitting room doors burst open and Macaire darted in holding a plate stacked dangerously high with cookies. “Papa! Papa! Plagg ate an entire _wheel_ of camembert!” From his shoulder Plagg grinned.

Alfred followed at a much more sedate pace with a coffee tray. “On that note we are entirely out of camembert cheese now.” He set the tray down and turned towards Damian. “I must say I am impressed you managed to keep your soulmate a secret for so long, especially from such a young age. Although I do imagine it was quite a boon when it came to keeping up with your son’s day-to-day life.”

Bruce blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _But miraculous users can’t transform when their kwamis are too far away._  
>  A) Macaire is only barely three and probably doesn’t know that yet so it’s entirely possible Adrien’s telling a white lie/stretching the truth to reassure him  
> B) Halfway across Wayne Manor is way shorter than halfway across all of Paris so is much more likely to be within the bounds of where a wielder can call their kwami back from  
> C) That always seemed a bit arbitrary and contrived to me so while there are certain places/distances you wouldn’t be able to summon them back from (re: inside the miracle box/another country…) I’m much more generous with it. (side note: I headcanon that renouncing your miraculous (or dying) sucks the kwami back into the miraculous from just about anywhere so all you’d really need to do is renounce them for 5 seconds then put it back on)  
>  **D) All of the above**


End file.
